Webster Wine Bar

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: Webster Wine Bar
Location: 1480 W. Webster


There are some things that get better with age. My basketball game is not one of them. At one point in my career I could shoot from the outside, hit fadeaways in defenders’ faces, effortlessly block shots, pass, and I could run the backdoor alleyoop better than almost anyone. Now, I can’t shoot, can’t play defense (and really, I never could), can’t jump, and I really can’t shoot. On Sunday I went 0-2 from beyond the arc, missed a couple of short jumpers in the lane, and looked incredibly awkward going in for a lay-up. Plus, I got my pocket picked trying to crossover a short, fat guy. But, I look great in basketball shorts. And that’s all that really matters to me these days anyway.

As far as those things that do get better with age, wine and cheese come to mind. And this past Friday I had a little of both at Webster Wine Bar. I’ve been here a couple of times, and I really like it. But, I’ve never eaten here. And honestly, I didn’t even know they had food.

Granted, the menu is pretty small, but the choices make it feel bigger than it really is. They have some salads, which we didn’t try, and some appetizers. We got a couple plates of cheese, some hummus, and some fried calamari. Shockingly, I’m not a huge fan of eating slices or blocks of cheese at a wine bar. Not sure why, since I love cheese so much. Maybe it’s a little too fancy for me. Maybe the fried calamari distracted me. Either way, I only had a couple pieces of the cheese, and they were fine. I’m told the hummus was really good (it was gone before I got a chance to give it a try, but I’m not a big fan of hummus, so I wasn’t trying that hard). I focused all of my attention on the fried calamari. It was the three “F”s - fantastic and flavorful and fried. When you hit the trifecta like that you can’t go wrong. I wish we would have ordered two plates of this.

For dinner I got the Cuban sandwich with fries. Awesome. The sandwich was juicy and not tough at all. Your teeth just sank into it. And the combo of meats (pork and a spicy ham) was terrific. And the fries – well, they were fried. That’s always good. But these were better than most.

My wife ordered a small pizza to share with another friend. The pizza wasn’t that big (supposedly 12 inches), and clearly these women couldn’t handle all 12”. Luckily, I could. I think I ate two pieces of it. It was mushroom and smoked mozzarella. And it was good. I wanted to order the pesto pizza, but thought better of it, as we were going to a movie and I would also consume some candy and soda there.

Some other orders at the table included the quesadilla, the lamb shank, and the penne pasta. By all accounts everyone enjoyed their meal. Although it’s tough to tell if Dima enjoys anything he eats, since he eats anything. I think you could serve him a paper plate drizzled with olive oil and he’d finish it quickly, think it was pretty good, and look around to see what else he could eat off of other peoples’ plates.

And we got three bottles of wine. The wine was great, and the recos of the server were right on. The only complaint I have is that although the waitress was super nice, she was also a very soft talker. It’s a miracle I didn’t walk out of the place wearing a puffy shirt.

And I didn’t even mention that we asked the place to switch our tables two times (three different tables), and they did without question or complaint each time. That’s always a good sign. Plus, I learned that our friends got engaged here. Awwwwwww.

So, Webster Wine Bar gets a chest bump. And my basketball skills get a high five.

Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

Dunlays on the Square

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: Dunlays on the Square
Location: 3137 W. Logan


Don’t go to Dunlays for lunch or brunch or anytime before dinner if you haven’t eaten breakfast. I tried that genius idea, and I ended up consuming roughly 1 million calories because of my extreme hunger. What’s the problem, you ask? Well, usually there wouldn’t be one, as consuming 1 million calories per sitting is pretty much common practice for me. The reason it’s a bad idea to do it at Dunlays is that you end up consuming 1 million calories of food that is unsatisfying to the taste buds.

And it’s not as if the food is bad, it’s just that the food is OK, so when you’re done stuffing your face to try and get rid of your hunger pains, you sit back in your chair, unbutton your jeans and realize you’re full, but not really satisfied. And that’s not a good feeling. You start thinking about what you could have eaten. Where you could have gone to over indulge. And it’s kind of depressing. Luckily this lasts for about 30 seconds, and then you get a fresh beer and start thinking about where to go for dinner.

I went to Dunlays on the Square (there is a Dunlays on Clark in Lincoln Park) for brunch on a Saturday. We got there at about 12:15, sat down, and didn’t have a waitress take our drink order (or more importantly, take my drink order) until about 12:30. Then, about 3 days later when she returned with our drinks, we had to tackle her just to get an appetizer order in. We went with the Spinach Dip and the Beer Cheese. Both were really good. How good, you ask? Well, let me tell you. We quickly ran out of chips for the dips. Now, normally I’ll flag down the waitress, ask for some extra chips, and finish the dips, but since our waitress couldn’t be found by David Caruso and the rest of his CSI squad, I took matters into my own hands. And that’s to say I picked up my fork and finished off the dips that way. There is nothing more pathetic than a hung-over, starving guy forking cheese dips into his mouth.

Sometime before the sun went down we were allowed to place our food orders. The waitress apparently got bored ignoring us and came over to see what we wanted. She talked me into the French toast (I know, real difficult). The following Tuesday when it came out, I devoured the four pieces. And I mean devoured. I actually finished the entire plate before one of the other people at the table took a bite of their burger. No joke. And then when that left me feeling more unsatisfied than Teddy KGD, I finished off half of one of the burgers someone else wasn’t going to finish. Now, if your playing along at home, I finished a plate of French toast AND half a burger (and some fries) before ANYONE at the table finished their food. And then I sat there wondering what else I could eat. I also was trying to decide if we needed to issue an Amber Alert for our waitress.

Here’s the bottom line – Dunlays has fine bar food. If you live in or anywhere near Logan Square and you’re looking for someplace where you can get some bar food and watch some sports, then sure, stop by here. Are there better places? Yeah. Are there worse places? Yeah. But do any of these places offer you the chance to see a guy eat his weight in cheese dips using his fork? No.

And I know that I’m giving the waitress a lot of crap, and in her defense I think she was actually the only waitress working a full bar, but it really was bad service.

All that being said, Dunlays is your typical neighborhood bar with bar food, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

High five with a manly ass slap.


UPDATE: OK, I've now been here a ton of times and the ratings have gone way up. The burgers are good, the salads are good, teh apps are great, and the skillet cookie dessert is maybe my favorite dessert in the city (and gets an HJ). New rating - Chest bump.


Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

Fat Willy's Rib Shack

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: Fat Willy’s Rib Shack
Location: 2416 W. Schubert

Let me tell you a little something about myself. I’m a very proud person. And one of those times when I get very proud and braggatory, if you will (yes, I know braggatory isn’t a word, but it is now, so suck it), is when I feel like I’ve discovered something before anyone else I know has, and then I’m the one who tells everyone about it and sets the trend. For example, years ago I “discovered” Norah Jones (insert Brokeback Mountain joke here), and I absolutely loved her stuff. I started telling everyone about her and got as many people to listen to her as I could. Eventually, she got popular and even won a Grammy. When that happened I was very proud. I felt like I was a big reason for her success. I loved being the trendsetter. Being able to say, “Yeah, I was listening to her before anyone else was.” Why do I tell you this? Well, Fat Willy’s was almost one of those moments when I could claim its “discovery” as my own. A couple of years ago I went and saw a movie at the AMC City North 14 on Western, and I saw Fat Willy’s, and I said to myself, “I’ve gotta eat there. It looks like my kinda joint.” (And honestly, the fact that this is located across from a theater where thousands of people have gone, and 90% have for sure noticed Fat Willy’s, it makes it that much more ridiculous that I felt like I “discovered” this place) Well, I never did eat there. Not since I first saw it.

And I wanted to, and I talked about it a lot, but I never did. Then, not too long ago, Fat Willy’s was one of the featured restaurants on “Check, Please!” My buddy Denny called me up soon after and wanted to go check it out and maybe catch a movie. That was it. I had officially missed my chance to be the one to tell the world about how great this joint is. I’m not sure why I care, but I do. And I know you don’t care, so let’s just move on.

Here is what Fat Willy’s has going for it:

THE NAME
Seriously, how can a place called Fat Willy’s Rib Shack be bad? It can’t. If a guy named Fat Willy came up to you and said, “I’m Fat Willy, and I can tell you where to find the best barbeque in town” you’re gonna believe him. Why? Because his name is Fat Willy, so he must know what he’s talking about. It’s almost like a Mafia thing. If they call a guy Tommy The Gun, then you know he got that name for a reason. Same with a name like Fat Willy. It means a guy named Willy knows food. And why does he know food? Because he’s fat. So, short story long, you call a joint Fat Willy’s Rib Shack and you’re pretty much telling the world that you’ve got some kick ass ribs. And they do.


EMPLOYEES MUST HOLD HANDS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK
That’s an actual sign I saw in the restaurant. I don’t know why but I must have read it 100 times and laughed each time I did. It’s so simple and stupid (and I’m sure it’s been done thousands of times across the country and around the world), but it’s the first time I’d ever seen it, and it made me laugh. I’m very easily entertained.


THE LEMONADE
They have hand squeezed lemonade. Now that I just typed that out, I’m not sure I want someone’s hands all over a bunch of lemons and squeezing them into a glass. It reminds me of the time that I was at a buffet, and I grabbed some hard-boiled eggs that didn’t have a shell on them, and my friend Steve asked me, “Is the shell already peeled?” “Yeah.” I answered. Then he asked, “Who peeled them?” At that point my gag reflex acted up a bit as I imagined a former inmate with his dirty, never-washed hands back in the kitchen peeling my eggs. But I’m sure the employees of Fat Willy’s clean their hands. And even if they don’t, they at least hold them before returning to work, and that’s good enough for me. And by the way, the lemonade is awesome. I can’t wait to go back there in the summer, sit outside, and down a couple.


TEXAS TOAST
They have Texas Toast. Enough said.


THE FOOD
And most importantly the, the food is great. Great barbeque. Just a smooth flavor that isn’t over-powering and doesn’t try too hard. Terrific stuff. And they have a ton of stuff to choose from. I went with the rib tips, which were great, but I wouldn’t recommend them. Rib tips (and I always forget this) require a little more effort than anything else, because you have to work around the bits of rib bone, and it’s harder than a typical slab of ribs, because they are cut up into pieces. You could get brisket, slabs of ribs, different types of sandwiches, mac and cheese, and so on. All the stuff you would expect to find at a barbeque joint you’ll find here. And the portions are large and hard to finish, even for me. (note: that’s if you get the full basket. You could always go with a half order, or the half basket.)


I can’t wait to go back to this place, and I’m hoping many, many times. Especially in the summer when they have a good sized outdoor eating area. I know I didn’t discover the place, but I still give it a chest bump with a manly ass slap and recommend that you go.



Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

Chuy Arzola's

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



Restaurant: Chuy Arzola’s
Location: 6405 Clayton Ave., St. Louis, MO



There’s Tony Soprano fat. There’s The Disney Wonder fat. There’s Oliver Miller fat. Then there’s my buddy Dru, who took fat to a whole new level this weekend.

I was down in St. Louis visiting some friends, and on Friday night decided to have dinner at Chuy’s. Located in Dogtown, it’s a popular spot to hang out with friends, have some drinks, and eat a crapload of tex mex food. Not that you care, but legend has it that Dogtown got it’s name back in the day when St. Louis hosted the 1904 World’s Fair. Allegedly, many of the foreigners from around the world who were actually exhibits in the fair lived in tents in the Dogtown area. Now, during their stay, all the dogs in the area mysteriously disappeared. Rumor is all the dogs got eaten because they were the only food these people could find. I’m not sure how true this is, but I thought you should know. Why? I have no idea.

So, as we’re sitting there eating, everything we order comes with sides of stuff you expect at a Mexican restaurant, like lettuce, sour cream, guacamole, salsa, and shredded cheese. Dru actually had a small little bowl of shredded cheese that was supposed to be used on his taco platter. But, rather than spread the cheese between his grease-softened taco shell, he instead took his fork and started shoveling the shredded cheese directly into his mouth. He was eating shredded cheddar cheese as if it were a salad. This made my mouth drop, and I’m the same guy who once puked into a trash cane during a White Castle speed eating contest, then continued to devour more cheeseburgers. I’ve never seen anyone eat shredded cheese like that. And I hope I never do again. At least not until the next time I eat with Dru.

I’m not sure what more you need to know about Chuy’s. If the cheese is good enough to eat by the forkful, you can only imagine how good everything else was.

We started out with the Chile con Queso. In case you don’t speak Spanish, Chile con Queso roughly translates to “Melted Velveeta Cheese with a couple of diced tomatoes and jalapeños”. And if you think Chile con Queso that you can make in your own microwave is worth a five-hour drive down to St. Louis, you’re right. I ate about 700 chips dipped with this stuff. In the battle of the bulge, melted cheese is always going to win. Whether it’s cheese fries at a hotdog place, nachos at a Bulls game, or the Chile con Queso at Chuy’s, I’m going to eat you. And I’m not going to stop until I’m licking my finger and the cheese container clean to the disgust of everyone with a clear sightline of my table.

For dinner I usually go with the fajitas for one. The thing I love about Chuy’s (other than the reasonable prices, the strong margaritas, my incredible streak of good luck playing the credit card game there, the fact that there’s a 100% chance you’ll run into someone you know, and the outdoor patio) is the huge portion sizes. The fajitas-for-one is enough to feed two. And I don’t mean two people, I mean two countries (assuming Dru is not a citizen of either said country). And everything there is like that. They just pile stuff on. And for the prices (my giant fajita plate was $10) it just might be the best deal in town. And on top of that, the food is actually pretty good. You can tell the quality is top notch, and you probably have only like a 10% of catching Hepatitis B here.

I’ve been to Chuy’s dozens of times, and I’ve never had a bad thing to say about the place. If you’re ever in St. Louis and you’re looking for a dodgy little joint where you can hang out with friends, throw a few back, and eat shredded cheese by the bowlful, then I urge you to stop by and dig in.

It meets all of my criteria – huge portions, cheap prices – for a chest bump rating.

The Feast and The Furious

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



There were a bunch of places I’ve been meaning to review, so I decided to “act like gonorrhea and burn, baby, burn” right through them.



Restaurant: Bongo Room
Locations: 1152 S. Wabash and 1470 N. Milwaukee


Is there anything that hasn’t been said about Bongo Room? Seriously, who doesn’t know about this place? Well, just in case, let’s get through this. Best breakfast place in the city. I would eat here everyday if the waits weren’t totally insane. On the weekend, expect to stand outside at least an hour (and in the winter, this is not fun) at the Wicker Park location. There is good shopping around, so you can usually slip away for 45 minutes then come back. I’d recommend you check out the South Loop location (still busy) because they have a coffee bar, so you can stand inside and have a cup of joe while you wait. Everything on the menu is great, so you really can’t go wrong. I almost always order their Chocolate Tower of French Toast. Then I pick up the cell phone, call for an ambulance, and wait for them to shoot me in the heart with a shot of adrenaline to revive me from my diabetic shock. And if you don’t like chocolate for breakfast, then the seasonal pancakes (like the pumpkin ones in the fall) are to die for (that could be the gayest thing I’ve ever said). Or get something else and a side of pancakes. Or do it tapas style and order a bunch of stuff and have the table share everything. Anyway, best brunch in the city. I’ll go ahead and say it – this is my favorite place in the city (WARNING: the choco French toast is not offered during the week).

Half Handshake, half chest-bump hug.




Restaurant: Toast
Locations: 746 W. Webster and 2046 N. Damen


We tend to head to Toast when Bongo Room is packed. But, that doesn’t really solve the problem since the waits at Toast are usually just as bad. Um, I think this place is just OK. It’s good, and I don’t mind going, but it’s not like I ever have a craving to eat here. My advice is to get the breakfast burrito (which is actually awesome) and then get a side of pancakes for two bucks. And it’s a lot of pancake.

Fist bump.




Restaurant: Moonshine
Location: 1824 W. Division


Love the atmosphere of this place. Especially in the summer, when you can sit outside on the sidewalk café, enjoy a cold beer, and watch the Wicker Park “hipsters” (for the record, I live in the area (obviously, since every review is a place within a mile of Wicker Park, which I apologize for) and I hate it when every time I read a reference of Wicker Park, it comes with the obligatory “hipster” tag. Come on, there are five yuppies to every hipster. Let’s stop kidding ourselves. This is officially Lincoln Park West.). The food is pretty average, but in a good way. It’s one of those dependable default neighborhood places where you go because you know what you’re getting, but you just want a great place to hang out and get out of the house. Pizza is decent (try spinach and garlic), burgers are OK, breakfast/brunch is surprisingly good (which, by the way, they have like a $1 menu for (which is actually just the side item menu, but you can make it work like a dollar menu), making it easy to get a breakfast dish, then a side of pancakes and eggs for like $8 total. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Fist bump with a manly ass slap (gets the extra half star because it’s a great place to hang out morning, noon, or night).




Restaurant: Just Baked Foods
Location: 901 N. Damen


Relatively new place. More of a deli than a restaurant. They serve five sandwiches daily, and a couple of soups. They have a ton of side items sitting in a deli case, and other pre-prepared meals that you can take home and cook/warm up yourself. I believe it’s supposed to be a place that allows you to feel like a big time cook at home. Love the idea, love the concept, the sandwiches were decent and felt super sophisticated, but the place is expensive, so be warned. Every time I go there I just get a couple of things (like two sandwiches and some bread, or some dips and a soup) and always spend upwards of $30. Huge upside is that Caesar’s Deli (which used to occupy the space) still has perogi’s available. Well worth the trip for that alone.

Fist bump and a manly ass slap.




Restaurant: Cleos
Location: 1935 W. Chicago


Great spot. A favorite of mine. Surprisingly good food for a “bar” or “joint”. And they have daily specials (like the rib special, which I think is on Thursdays), where you get a half slab of ribs for $5. And they’re awesome. Burgers are great, barbeque chicken is really good. Just a really good, unique selection of food. My only complaint is that it is really smoky here. But the food is so good it’s worth getting cancer for (cancer isn’t funny, but you get the point).

Chest bump.




Restaurant: InnJoy
Location: 2051 W. Division


Another place that’s great to go for drinks in the middle of the day or late at night. They play their music loud, so you can’t talk, but it’s always a nice challenge to try and convince a girl to sleep with you while you’re screaming in her ear. The burgers are really good, and the place is really smoky at night. The secret booths in the back are a nice little getaway, and there is a rumored room in the basement (which you get to through the stairs next to the bar) that has a pool table and what not. But, if you get boomflopped while trying to go down there, don’t blame me.

Fist bump.




Restaurant: Mickey’s
Location: 525 N. Harlem – Oak Park


Just wanted to give a shout out to my old high school grease joint. Great gyros, great Big Mickey’s, great Lake Michigan’s, and great specials (I go with the 3 hot dog special, and a large milkshake). Anytime I’m in the area, I make a trip.

Chest bump.




Restaurant: Fan si Pan
Location: 1618 W. Chicago


Vietnamese. Very simple menu – apps, sandwiches. But, they have fried green beans. And the sandwiches have an interesting flavor that I loved, but wish there was more meat on them (although I stopped by as they were trying to close, and they may have only had so much meat left). And they have fried green beans.

Fist bump. A good alternative to have to the normal sandwiches you find at other places.

Romeo Romeo

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



Restaurant: Romeo Romeo
Location: 1415 N. Milwaukee


Romeo Romeo is the Sammy Sosa of restaurants. More specifically, the 1998 Sammy Sosa. See, in ’98 Sammy Sosa struck out 171 times. Now, if you told me, or any baseball fan, that a player struck out 171 times, you’d dismiss the player as no good and would pray he wasn’t on your team. But, if that same player also hit 66 dongs, batted in 158 runs, batted just north of .300, had an OPS of 1.024, lead his team to the playoffs, AND won the MVP award, well, then you’d probably change your tune a little bit. Suddenly you’d be praying he was playing right field and batting 4th every day.

And that’s Romeo Romeo. With every at bat, they try to hit it out of the park. They’re swinging big. While you’re going to find the traditional Italian dishes you’re used to, you’re going to find them with a little twist. Sometimes that twist is a steroid or corked bat driven 600 foot home run that bangs off the scoreboard in center field, and other times it’s a big cut that tweaks your back and keeps you out of the lineup for a couple of weeks.

But you know what, at the end of the day I’m glad I got that guy on my team, swinging away. At least they don’t strike out looking.

I started out with a lobster bisque soup, the soup de jour, if you will. But we weren’t in a French restaurant, so I guess it was more the soup del giorno. The twist was that it was topped off with a little bit of foam, kind of like a cappuccino. Strike out.

Next, we got the caprese, or the inflated caprese, or something like that. It was buffalo mozzarella with a tomato, some olive oil, and a little bit of seasoned love. Onto Waveland, with a big Sammy-hop on the way to first base. In fact, this didn’t just clear the True-Link fence, this hit the apartment building across the street, almost killing a street juggler with candy in his pocket performing for a group of kids waiting to catch a home run. My wife said that next time we go, this is what she’d order for dinner. People at the table were fighting for it like Sammy’s 62nd.

For dinner, my wife ordered the chicken parmesan. Fouled a couple off, then eventually squeaked a Texas leaguer into right field. It’s a single in the books, but not the most exciting way to get on base.

Now me, I asked for the waitress’ recommendation, and she said she’d go with the lasagna, which was made with smoked chicken. And not only that, it was served with two sauces. One side of the plate was a marinara sauce, and the other side was an alfredo sauce. It might be, it could be, it is! A home run! Sammy Sosa almost hit the cameraman in center field! Wow, he really got a hold of that ball! This dish was amazing. If you go there and you’re in the mood for pasta, please, please, please consider this one.

Another friend of ours ordered the salmon. Another K. The pesto mashed potatoes allowed the dish to foul a couple off, but in the end, Sammy couldn’t lay off the off-speed pitch low and away. But, with a little nod and a small complaint to the waitress, the chef made his way out, apologized, and cooked up a little sea bass as an apology (which was nicely seasoned and a decent dish if you’re in the mood for fish).

In the end, Romeo Romeo was 3-5, with two home runs and two strikeouts. Not to mention the server was extremely patient, the chef made a special trip to the table, and the place had that great feel of a neighborhood joint that you could pop into anytime. Entrees go from $17-$25, and I think, with drinks, it ended up being about $40 a person (and I’m not sure why I said “I think”, because I know how much it was).

Romeo Romeo been very, very good to me. Fist bump with a manly ass slap.

del Toro

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



Restaurant: del Toro
Location: 1520 N. Damen

Over the holidays I checked out Wicker Park’s newest place to be seen – del Toro. We were there for my wife’s birthday, and though we sat there and ate for almost three hours, it didn’t feel like more than 30 minutes. Since the night (and the holidays) was such a whirlwind, I’m gonna go ahead and make this review a whirlwind in del Toro’s honor.

THE SPACE
del Toro is in the old Mod space, but you’d never know it (well, I guess you would since I just told you and if you knew where Mod was, then you’d realize this was in the old Mod space, but that’s not what I meant). They gutted the place and totally re-everythinged it. If you’ve ever been to Mod, stop by del Toro and try to figure out where things used to be vs. where they are. It’s a fun game. And I like the new space. And we sat in the VIP area in back.

THE ATMOSPHERE
For sure a scene to be seen type of place. But I liked it. My wife tells me there were lots of hot women there, but I didn’t notice since I was gazing in her eyes all night. But I’ll take her word for it.

THE SERVICE
Good. Bad. Weird. Our server was extremely friendly (almost in a creepy way). He stopped by often, but he would stop by, and take like one order, then go put it in, then when he came back he would have to take more orders. It was bizarre. But that’s what happens when you’re doing Coke/X/Weed/Meth at the server station.

THE DRINKS
I don’t really remember. I think that’s good. But I also don’t think they were very strong and you had to drink a lot of them. I think that’s bad.

THE FOOD
Kind of like the service. For sure had it’s ups and downs. It almost felt tapas style, but not because that’s how they serve it, it’s just how we ordered it and how our server served it. Again, he would be in and out with orders, so we kind of got everything sporadically, which is probably why we were there for three hours. Some people would get their apps at one time, and we share them. Then someone else would get their apps, then we’d share that. And, unfortunately, entrees were the same way. About half of the people got theirs, ate, and then the other half got theirs. I should have been more annoyed, but no one really seemed to mind, and since everyone was sharing everything, it wasn’t a big deal.

Some highlights of the food:

Fried chickpeas – I didn’t touch them, but everyone loved them, and my sister was craving them days later.

Bacon Steak – not sure how else to describe it. It was like a steak, but made with the bacon cut of pork rather than a steak. Really, I guess it’s more like a pork chop than a steak. All I know is that it was like a giant piece of bacon, and that made me happy. I loved mine, but I’ve also never had one before (I’m told by another friend that he loves this stuff and has had it at other restaurants). Another guy on the table got one, and he hated it and didn’t finish it. I think I remember him saying his was too fatty. Is anything really too fatty? Well, besides me. Anyway, it was small, but enjoyable.

Prosciutto like meat – I promise in 2006 I’m going to start writing more stuff down and stop going on memory. Anyway, I’m pretty sure that del Toro had Serrano, which is a Spanish ham, rather than an Italian one. Either way, it was pretty good. Tasted more like ham than prosciutto does. Not good enough that I’d go out of my way to order it again, but I ate three pieces of it, so it wasn’t bad either.

Grilled Calamari – this was calamari (one of my favorite things, especially when it’s fried) stuffed with, I believe, pumpkin ceviche (again, I’m going to start writing this stuff down). I almost don’t want to tell you about it and just want you to go and order it, but that seems mean. When it came out, it was the whole calamari. I’ve never seen a whole calamari (since it’s usually cut up into little pieces). It was bizarre. It looked like a science project, but one you eat. It didn’t help that it was topped off with squid ink, so it looked like it was bleeding. Most people at the table couldn’t even look at it, and my wife was a little freaked out. But, that didn’t stop us from eating it. And it wasn’t bad. The one problem was the squid ink. This is my second experience with squid ink, and the one thing I know is that it makes everything very, very fishy. And not Sopranos fishy, but Chicago River fishy. It’s just too much. Without the squid ink, I would even recommend this dish, but with it, forget it. I think the best part was when my wife ate the head (the part with all the little tentacles (remember, calamari is just a small squid)). I think two people vomited at the table, and another girl started crying and rocking back and forth. It was a little disturbing to watch. The whole thing felt like an episode of fear factor.

PRICE
I have no idea, since it was my wife’s b-day, and everyone at the table split the bill. But I think it was like $50 a person. We did have lots of drinks and two bottles of champagne. I’d have to go again to decide if it was too pricey, but also not sure it was worth the price.

And there you have it. del Toro. I’d go back there for drinks, maybe for dinner, if someone else was dying to try it out. High-five with a manly ass slap.


UPDATE: I went back to del Toro recently for a friends b-day. My feelings didn't change. Still love the space and stuff, food is still just very average. I did like the fried calamari dish (something like Fruturi Mezcala). Pork chops were very below average. Also, the scary grilled calamari weren't nearly as big as the first time I went. They were more like little slugs this time, so no one got too upset. And they tasted a little better this time because there was less squid ink. So there you have. I can now for certain say del toro is just very, very average.