The Feast and The Furious

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



There were a bunch of places I’ve been meaning to review, so I decided to “act like gonorrhea and burn, baby, burn” right through them.



Restaurant: Bongo Room
Locations: 1152 S. Wabash and 1470 N. Milwaukee


Is there anything that hasn’t been said about Bongo Room? Seriously, who doesn’t know about this place? Well, just in case, let’s get through this. Best breakfast place in the city. I would eat here everyday if the waits weren’t totally insane. On the weekend, expect to stand outside at least an hour (and in the winter, this is not fun) at the Wicker Park location. There is good shopping around, so you can usually slip away for 45 minutes then come back. I’d recommend you check out the South Loop location (still busy) because they have a coffee bar, so you can stand inside and have a cup of joe while you wait. Everything on the menu is great, so you really can’t go wrong. I almost always order their Chocolate Tower of French Toast. Then I pick up the cell phone, call for an ambulance, and wait for them to shoot me in the heart with a shot of adrenaline to revive me from my diabetic shock. And if you don’t like chocolate for breakfast, then the seasonal pancakes (like the pumpkin ones in the fall) are to die for (that could be the gayest thing I’ve ever said). Or get something else and a side of pancakes. Or do it tapas style and order a bunch of stuff and have the table share everything. Anyway, best brunch in the city. I’ll go ahead and say it – this is my favorite place in the city (WARNING: the choco French toast is not offered during the week).

Half Handshake, half chest-bump hug.




Restaurant: Toast
Locations: 746 W. Webster and 2046 N. Damen


We tend to head to Toast when Bongo Room is packed. But, that doesn’t really solve the problem since the waits at Toast are usually just as bad. Um, I think this place is just OK. It’s good, and I don’t mind going, but it’s not like I ever have a craving to eat here. My advice is to get the breakfast burrito (which is actually awesome) and then get a side of pancakes for two bucks. And it’s a lot of pancake.

Fist bump.




Restaurant: Moonshine
Location: 1824 W. Division


Love the atmosphere of this place. Especially in the summer, when you can sit outside on the sidewalk café, enjoy a cold beer, and watch the Wicker Park “hipsters” (for the record, I live in the area (obviously, since every review is a place within a mile of Wicker Park, which I apologize for) and I hate it when every time I read a reference of Wicker Park, it comes with the obligatory “hipster” tag. Come on, there are five yuppies to every hipster. Let’s stop kidding ourselves. This is officially Lincoln Park West.). The food is pretty average, but in a good way. It’s one of those dependable default neighborhood places where you go because you know what you’re getting, but you just want a great place to hang out and get out of the house. Pizza is decent (try spinach and garlic), burgers are OK, breakfast/brunch is surprisingly good (which, by the way, they have like a $1 menu for (which is actually just the side item menu, but you can make it work like a dollar menu), making it easy to get a breakfast dish, then a side of pancakes and eggs for like $8 total. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Fist bump with a manly ass slap (gets the extra half star because it’s a great place to hang out morning, noon, or night).




Restaurant: Just Baked Foods
Location: 901 N. Damen


Relatively new place. More of a deli than a restaurant. They serve five sandwiches daily, and a couple of soups. They have a ton of side items sitting in a deli case, and other pre-prepared meals that you can take home and cook/warm up yourself. I believe it’s supposed to be a place that allows you to feel like a big time cook at home. Love the idea, love the concept, the sandwiches were decent and felt super sophisticated, but the place is expensive, so be warned. Every time I go there I just get a couple of things (like two sandwiches and some bread, or some dips and a soup) and always spend upwards of $30. Huge upside is that Caesar’s Deli (which used to occupy the space) still has perogi’s available. Well worth the trip for that alone.

Fist bump and a manly ass slap.




Restaurant: Cleos
Location: 1935 W. Chicago


Great spot. A favorite of mine. Surprisingly good food for a “bar” or “joint”. And they have daily specials (like the rib special, which I think is on Thursdays), where you get a half slab of ribs for $5. And they’re awesome. Burgers are great, barbeque chicken is really good. Just a really good, unique selection of food. My only complaint is that it is really smoky here. But the food is so good it’s worth getting cancer for (cancer isn’t funny, but you get the point).

Chest bump.




Restaurant: InnJoy
Location: 2051 W. Division


Another place that’s great to go for drinks in the middle of the day or late at night. They play their music loud, so you can’t talk, but it’s always a nice challenge to try and convince a girl to sleep with you while you’re screaming in her ear. The burgers are really good, and the place is really smoky at night. The secret booths in the back are a nice little getaway, and there is a rumored room in the basement (which you get to through the stairs next to the bar) that has a pool table and what not. But, if you get boomflopped while trying to go down there, don’t blame me.

Fist bump.




Restaurant: Mickey’s
Location: 525 N. Harlem – Oak Park


Just wanted to give a shout out to my old high school grease joint. Great gyros, great Big Mickey’s, great Lake Michigan’s, and great specials (I go with the 3 hot dog special, and a large milkshake). Anytime I’m in the area, I make a trip.

Chest bump.




Restaurant: Fan si Pan
Location: 1618 W. Chicago


Vietnamese. Very simple menu – apps, sandwiches. But, they have fried green beans. And the sandwiches have an interesting flavor that I loved, but wish there was more meat on them (although I stopped by as they were trying to close, and they may have only had so much meat left). And they have fried green beans.

Fist bump. A good alternative to have to the normal sandwiches you find at other places.