Mambo Grill

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Mambo Grill
Location: 412 N. Clark


The first time I went to Mambo Grill was several years ago when I was in town visiting some friends. My buddy Brian and his then girlfriend (now wife) took my wife and me there. Everything seemed fine on the surface. When the waiter came and took our drink order, I wanted something “authentic” and “different”. He recommended the Micheladas. The Iced Spicy Beer. Sounded interesting. I was a tad reluctant, but he talked me into it. Why was I reluctant? Well, here is what the drink is made of. First, they take the Latin beer of your choice, then pour it over ice (is beer EVER good over ice?). Then, it is garnished with a lime (seems innocent enough). Now, here is where it gets a little scary. The drink is then served with a dash of Cholula hot sauce. Not sure this is what I want in my beer, but then again, I like spicy stuff, so I’m game. But it didn’t end there. The last ingredient is a “dash” of Worchestire sauce. There’s an old saying that goes “The camel toe that broke the vaginas back”, or something like that. Well, the Worchestire was the camel toe. The drink tasted like dirt. I could barely get through three sips. I was miserable.

And the reason I bring this up is because I remember nothing else about this dinner. I have no idea what I ate, if I liked it, if anyone else liked it (though I’m assuming Brian and Courtney did, since they chose the place), all I knew was that I never wanted to go back. And I didn’t. Even when I moved back here a couple of years ago, I refused to go (not that I had a whole lot of offers). But, I work not too far from the place, and a couple of weekends ago we ended up having to work on a Saturday (which is about as much fun as getting kicked in the shins by a 9-year-old girl wearing steel-toed boots), and we decided to grab dinner and continue working. We chose Mambo Grill because it was close by, and no one had any better ideas. It proved to be a wise decision.

Now, for those who don’t know, Mambo Grill is a restaurant that specializes in “authentic Latin food”. And for those who really don’t know, that’s not Latin as in “ad hoc” or “habeas corpus” or “facere amor ad tu volo”, but Latin as in Latin America. So, a mix of Cuban and Brazilian and other countries south of our border.

It had been long enough since my first visit that I was able to clear my memory and give it another shot. When the waitress came by and took our drink order, I didn’t make the same mistake twice. I went with the Mojito, which was delicious. In fact, everyone loved their drinks. Even my boss was happy, and he is very particular about how his drink is made (Grey Goose gimlet, extra cold, served up).

For starters, we ordered the guacamole and some chicken taquitos. Both great choices. The guacamole was fantastic. Super fresh. And the presentation of the chip basket was surprisingly nice. Not that it matters, but I noticed. Along with the quac came some pico de gallo. Now, most pico de gallos taste pretty much the same, but for some reason this one stood out. By the time we devoured all the chips it was a debate as to which was better – the guacamole or the pico de gallo. The winner? Us, since we got to eat them both. And the taquitos were pretty tasty as well. The plate is big enough for 4. And if you’re expecting taquitos like the ones you buy in a box of 100 at Sam’s Club or Cost Co. for five bucks (also known as the “Larry” or the “Dru”), prepare yourself. This is just one giant taquito (or taquitos, I have no idea if you need the “s” or if it makes it plural or what. I really need to take a Spanish class). And it’s tasty.

Total sidebar here. Go to taquitos.net. I just stumbled on this the other day. They review snack and stuff. So far they’ve reviewed over 3,000 snacks. I’m impressed (and that’s saying something). My only complaint is they have yet to try Matt’s Chocolate Chip Cookies – easily the best cookies available on the market (but not sold everywhere).

And we’re back. For dinner I ordered the “Pollo con salsa de coco y limon”, which, in English, means “Chicken that is pretty good but you should probably order something else on the menu.” It’s actually a slow roasted half chicken served on rice. And it’s not that it’s bad, it’s just that the other entrees at the table looked so good (and it’s also a record for the use of the word “it’s” in one sentence). Part of the problem is that it was a half chicken with bones and stuff, so you really had to work to get all the meat. I don’t like working, especially on a Saturday. And when I am working on a Saturday, I really don’t like to have to work on my dinner. I just want to cut a piece, then eat. Cut, then eat. And if I can even avoid the whole cutting thing and just eat, even better.

But, all things aside, I was glad I finally ventured back to Mambo Grill. It’s a solid choice. Not necessarily worth going out of your way for, but definitely will be added into the rotation of places to go for lunch or after work.

I’m torn between a high five with a manly ass slap and a fist bump. I’m gonna go with the high five with a manly ass slap, only because, while it’s good, it’s also not the kind of place that I’ll ever crave or even suggest we go.



Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

Shaw's Crab House

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Shaw’s Crab House
Locations: 21 E. Hubbard


There are people out there who are “in”. They know about the secret little bars that don’t have any signage. They know the secret knock that gets you in an exclusive after party. Like Rubin, they know the secret handshake that gets four white guys into an all-black fraternity. I’m not one of these people. I can’t just walk to the back entry of a bar like Trent, enter through the kitchen, then plop down for the night at a table marked “reserved”.

But I do know one secret, and it involves Shaw’s Crab House. I know what you’re thinking, what could possibly be a secret with Shaw’s? It’s a Lettuce Entertain You restaurant. Just another cleverly themed place with good food, isn’t it? Well, yes. But, Shaw’s has a hidden gem that almost no one knows about. Garlic butter.

Now, the garlic butter isn’t a complete secret. It’s served with some of the dishes on the menu. But, it’s how you use it that’s the secret. The first time the server comes by and asks what you want to drink and brings you a basket of bread and butter, ask her for a side of garlic butter and some extra bread. Trust me. You’ll soon discover that the garlic butter isn’t the spreadable kind you’re used to. It’s melted, so you can’t dip a knife in it. What you do is you grab a piece of bread and use the butter as a dip. I’ve gone through two baskets of bread at one sitting. The first time I discovered it I asked the waitress if I could buy some to go. The manager told me no, that it would be a violation of the health code or something. Stupid health codes. And I’m not kidding when I say you could honestly make an entire meal out of dipping a couple of baskets of bread in the garlic butter. The waitress will hate you, but what do you care?

But there is more to Shaw’s. First, you have to understand that there are two places to eat – the snooty dining room or the oyster bar. I’ve never eaten in the dining room. I’m sure it’s terrific. According the website there are more than 40 fresh seafood entrees on the menu in the dining room. And they’re probably all good. But the dining room isn’t my style. I like the atmosphere of the oyster bar (sure it’s like a mini theme park with the way it’s designed, but I love theme parks. And water parks. And wet t-shirt contests.) along with the simpler menu. Choosing between 40 seafood dishes makes my head explode. At the oyster bar, I’m basically choosing between 8 or so seafood dishes (or choosing all 8, depending how hungry I am).

Start off your meal with the buffalo shrimp. Fantastic dish. It’s just like eating chicken wings, except you’re eating shrimp instead of chicken. Rule of thumb is get one order for two people. Or two orders for one Josh.

As far as entrees go, there are usually three I pick from. The first is the tuna tacos. Small chunks of tuna are grilled, and then served in three corn tortillas. The key to making these tacos go from good to great is the way you dress them. Step one, take the cilantro that comes with them and make sure you put an equal amount on each taco. Then use the salsa to do the same. The last step is the lime. Squeeze one of the pieces of lime and squirt it’s juice all over the tuna taco (sorry, couldn’t resist). Probably my default dish when I go there (introduced to me by my boss, who gets his tuna cooked all the way through).

The second is the fish and chips. One of the best I’ve ever had. The fish (which I believe is cod) is beer battered then fried. The best onion rings are beer battered. The beer batter creates this great flaky but tasty fried coating. When you get them with onion rings, it makes all the difference. And this is the first place where I’ve had it with the fish and chips (maybe I should get out more) and it makes all the difference here as well. The fries are just OK. Nothing out of the ordinary. Oh, and if you think because you’re getting fish you’re eating healthy, you’re not. The beer-battered fried fish makes you feel like you’ve just eaten a basket of onion rings and fills you up like nobody’s business. If you’re looking for lighter fare, go with the tuna tacos. Then again, if you’re looking for lighter fare you might also want to stay away from the garlic butter and the two loaves of bread you’ll eat with it.

The third entrée I usually go with is the fish sandwich. It’s like a much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much better Filet-O-Fish from McDonalds. Similar to the fish and chips it will fill you up. Wait, you know what? I think I’m wrong. I’m not sure any of these dishes actually fill you up. I usually have just eaten a loaf of bread and a bowl of garlic butter. Maybe that’s why I always feel full.

Oh, Shaw’s also has the best after-dinner mints. If they are out of them when you go, it’s because I’ve just eaten there. They have a bowl of these mints at the host stand as you leave, and I usually dump the whole thing into my pocket. Or my mouth. So if they’re out, you know why.

I’m gonna give Shaw’s a fist bump with a manly ass slap. Great place to go for lunch if you work nearby, or even for a happy hour dinner right after work.



Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

Opera

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Opera
Locations: 1301 S. Wabash


Have you seen V for Vendetta? If not, you should. It’s a good movie. Sure, you have to take roughly 48 leaps of faith, but it’s a movie. You kind of have to use your imagination and suspend belief with just about any movie. And this one is no different. And I really liked the movie. It kept me entertained and kept the story moving along. When it was over, I was really happy I saw it. I’ve even recommended it to friends. Told them that I really liked it and they should also see it.

Hold on, quick sidebar. I went to a midnight showing of the movie the day it opened (so Thursday night) at the IMAX. Now, because it was the opening and a special engagement and a little bit of an event, I figured I’d have to get to the theater a little early. The movie is based on a graphic novel (comic book) and I was sure that there would be hundreds of comic book geeks waiting in line dressed up in masks and thoroughly creeping me out. Well, I get there at 10 o’clock (two hours before the movie starts) and I’m the 6th person in line. Turns out the only geek was me. Good times. There were two other highlights I’ll share with you if you want hear ‘em. You do? Good, here they are. 1) they had a promotion for the movie going on that let you shave your head for the chance to win prizes or get preferred seating at the premiere. One girl shaved her head. Needless to say she was the winner. And weird. 2) Nobody dressed up for this movie. It wasn’t like the Matrix premieres or a Star Wars thing where everyone has a costume on. Just a bunch of people standing in line for an hour on a Thursday night. Except for one guy. He was wearing a wizard’s cape as if he had to take off from his D&D tourney a little early to make the movie in time. When he walked past the entire line wearing that thing, you could cut the awkwardness with a Spork. He looked like he wanted to die. Let’s just say the cloak didn’t stay on very long.

Back to the movie. Really good. Really liked it. Didn’t love it. Would recommend it to friends. Glad I saw it, but wouldn’t go out of my way to see it again unless someone else really wanted to go. And why do I bring it up? Because that’s the same way I felt about Opera. Really liked it. Food was really good. Glad I went. But I wouldn’t go out of my way to go back unless someone else really wanted to go. But, again, I would recommend you check it out (if you haven’t already).

Started off with the Lobster & Pork Siu Mai. Really, really, really good. Kind of spicy, but not too hot to the point it killed the flavor. I could have eaten seven orders of these. The other couple at the table got the crab cake, which was very average. I would have eaten only half of one of those. I also got the soup of the day. I can’t remember what it was. I’m pretty sure it was a corn chowder mixed with an egg drop soup. Or something like that. Either way, it was pretty tasty. Glad I tried it. And I think my wife liked it, since she tackled me so she could have the last couple of bites.

For dinner I was talked into the Seasame Diver Scallops. How as I talked into this? Well, I asked my server what he would get if he were me (I’m just assuming that most people want to be me). I didn’t tell him what I was choosing between or in the mood for, but I figured if he mentioned one of the three things I was thinking about, then it would be a sign to order that. Well, he went into this long tale about how the scallops where made with this and that and based on the wine we were drinking it would really bring out the citrus flavor in the food and then continued to say some more stuff. I don’t remember it all because I blacked out half way through. But, I went with the scallops because that was the deal I had made with myself. What a mistake. It wasn’t that the dish was bad, it just wasn’t the best thing available. The scallops were very average. Cooked perfectly, but nothing special about them. The rice they were served on was great, but how much rice can you eat before you start looking at your plate and wishing they were cheese fries? The answer is three small bowls.

So that was my big complaint about Opera. They almost try too hard. Server just talked and talked about what types of wines we should get, and how the food was made to bring out this flavor and that flavor. It’s just too much. I appreciate the effort and the knowledge that goes into everything, but it was just too much. I just want my server to be down to earth and say things like, “If you want red meat, I’d go with the blank, and if you want something lighter I’d go with blank and blank.” Do I really want to know about every last detail of the food? No. I just want to know what’s good. What can I say? I’m a simple man with a big appetite.

The wife did it right. She ordered a giant bowl of goodness. It’s also known as Spicy Singapore Noodles. It was a bowl filled with noodles (in case you couldn’t figure that out on your own), lump crap, Chinese sausage, prawns, and madras curry. Just a ton of food. Too much for one person (unless that person is me). And it really wasn’t spicy, but sweet. Had this great, over-powering ginger flavor. Easily the best dish at the table. Angie ordered the Chicken and Mushrooms, which I had a bite of. Stay away. It’s not good. Just bland. Tim had the world’s biggest plate of Orange Beef. This was a great choice. Juicy pieces of steak with a nice, sweet flavor to it. Great dish. Made me hate the scallops even more.

But the real ass-kicker came after dinner. The dessert. They have something on the menu called the Tao of Chocolate. Get this. Even if you don’t get dinner. It’s the Tao of Awesomeness.


Opera gets a fist bump with a manly ass slap.


Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.