Cafe 28

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly-ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: Café 28
Location: 1800 W. Irving Park Rd.

The quick review: This is my favorite restaurant in the city.

The long review: Café 28 offers a great combination of Cuban and Mexican-style foods that are filled with FLAVOR FLAV. I don’t think I’ve every ordered a thing off the menu that I would call “just OK” or “average” or “tastes like meat soaked in urine”. I think the best part about it is that it is always good. I’ve never had a bad experience. I’ve gone on Mondays, mid-week and weekends and the food always delivers.

They keep the menu relatively simple. You aren’t flipping through twelve pages of elaborate choices trying to narrow your choices and then having to ask the waiter for advice. Whether it’s fish, pork, chicken or steak, they’ll have something that will make your mouth water.

But, that’s if you’re even lucky enough to get to dinner. For me, it’s tough to get past the butter. It’s easily the best butter I’ve had in the city. They bring out this basket filled with wonderful bread and this little cup of jalapeño butter (it may not be jalapeño butter, but I know it’s really f-ing good. Sadly, I’ve only been there a half-a-dozen times, and I’m not sure what the butter is made of. I’d ask, but I’m usually busy trying to fit two pieces of bread into my mouth at the same time.). I’ll be honest, I can’t think of the last time I went there and didn’t make it to a third basket of bread and a fourth side of butter. If it wasn’t for my wife slapping the knife out of my hand there’s a good chance I would actually spread the butter onto all of my food. It’s that good. And I’m that fat.

And as long as we’re not talking about entrees, let’s move on to some of the sides. Or one in particular. The jalapeño mashed potatoes (yes, I am sure these are made with jalapeños). Again, I always order a side of these, even if they already come with my meal. Again, I’m very fat and have a problem controlling my appetite.

For starters, you can’t go wrong with the quesadillas. I’ve seen them ordered as a meal, which is a fine choice. Sadly, I’ve never seen anyone spread the butter on them, but they’re good enough that you probably don’t need to. Now, I would highly recommend starting off with the green tamales. These things are like a cake mixed with a block of cheese and some green stuff and so much tastiness that they’ll actually distract you from ordering that third basket of bread and butter.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on the entrees. They are all fantastic. The crusted halibut, the chicken, the pulled pork something-or-other sandwich, the chipotle chicken – they are all going to get the job done. But, if you’re only going to go one time, and you have no problems eating animals, order the jalapeño pork chops. These are the best things in the world. Maybe even better than the butter. Maybe. And they aren’t spicy. They actually have this ungodly blend of sweetness and jalapeño. Almost like honey with some hot sauce type of action. I’m doing a terrible job of describing them. Just make sure you give them a try. And get a side of jalapeño mashed potatoes (on top of the ones that come with the pork chops). You won’t be able to finish it all, but you’ll want to try, and that’s always fun to watch for everyone else.

They even have dessert, and the pistachio cake will take you by surprise and satisfy your sweet tooth. A nice end to a perfect meal.

Now, seating can be tough and very hit or miss. Come at the wrong time on a Friday or Saturday night and you’ll be waiting for an hour or more. But, I’ve also been there on a Saturday night at around seven and sat right down. They even have a small little patio in the back, which if you can sit there, I would. It has the best view of four brick walls in the city.

Um, let’s see. Atmosphere is great. Cool artwork. Super-friendly waitstaff. Oh, and their drinks are great. Especially the mojitos. Yes, mojitos are close to jumping the shark (even though jumping the shark has jumped the shark), but they are still tasty and go perfect with whatever you order.

I don’t know what else I can say. My guess is if you give it a try, you’ll walk out of there saying, “Yeah, that was great. Not the best place I’ve eaten in the city, but still, it was great. And I want to go back.” For me, I walk out of there saying, “I wonder if they’ll let me take the butter home?”

It easily gets a half handshake, half chest-bump hug.

Miko's

Ratings Guide:
Halfhand shake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly-ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: Miko’s
Location: 1846 N. Damen Ave.

This review will be short and sweet, similar to the menu at Miko’s.

Home of Italian ice and Italian ice, Miko’s is a must visit in the summer time. With usually eight flavors chilled and ready to thrill, Miko’s has the best Italian ice I’ve ever had. (In case you don’t know what Italian ice is (and you’d be amazed how many people don’t), it’s basically shaved ice (I said shaved) with flavoring.) It’s so rich and creamy (even though it’s not made with cream) that you almost think you’re eating ice cream. But, because it’s ice, it’s even more refreshing than ice cream. I usually go with lemon or watermelon, or a combo of both. You’d swear you were eating a frozen lemonade (which I guess you kind of are). I’m told they are all made with fresh ingredients and real fruit, which is why they taste just like the fruits they’re named after.

Oh, and they supposedly have soup in the winter, but I’d go for the ice anytime of year. They also just opened up a second location at 2234 N. Sacramento in Logan Square. And the location on Damen welcomes tour busses, which comes in handy when you’re taking a tour of Damen Avenue from a bus, which you probably do all the time.

Anyway, Miko’s gets the coveted half handshake, half chest-bump hug.

Francesca's Forno

Ratings Guide:
Halfhand shake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly-ass slap – ½ star



Restaurant: Francesca’s Forno
Location: 1576 N. Milwaukee Ave.


Mia Francesca has opened up another restaurant, this time in Wicker Park. Now, sadly I’ve never eaten at Mia Francesca, or any of its 714 offspring. From what I here, Mia Francesca is one of the best places to eat in the city, so, just warning you that my expectations were very high going in. Oh, one more disclaimer. I ate at Forno a week after it opened, when maybe they were still figuring things out. One last thing, you don’t care about any of the things I just mentioned, so on to the review.

Francesca Forno is located on the corner of Milwaukee and Damen (apparently in the old Soul Kitchen spot, where I never ate). Why does this matter? It doesn’t, but it makes for great people watching. The entire place is lined with windows, so when you sit and eat you can stare out of the windows and look at all the people on the streets, which there are many because of the location. This element is key when having dinner with friends who bore you or your in-laws.

The space is pretty cool. I love the décor, as it was super simple, with a hodge-podge of tables and chairs that made you feel like you were at your Italian grandmother’s place. They have it packed in pretty tightly, which I don’t mind, but if you have to go to the bathroom a lot, wear Depends, as getting in and out of your seat is a pain. Also, (and again, this might be because the place is new and hasn’t been fully decorated yet) the place couldn’t have been louder. The tin ceiling, no curtains and wood floors had everything echoing, making it hard to even hear your server.

Speaking of your servers, they are great. Super helpful, extremely nice, and you don’t have to speak Italian to understand what they are saying. We also spent a couple of minutes at the bar, and the bartenders were great. Or they were hitting on me. I’m not sure which.

The bar area is pretty simple, but they do have a small little space next to a big open window where you can sit on the window sill with a friend and enjoy a glass of wine, which is a pretty cool element.

But you don’t care about any of this. So, let’s talk about the food. Overall, it was very average. Again, they had just opened when I went there. Not trying to make excuses, but I expected better.

The apps were hit or miss. The prosciutto was awesome. Served on its own (I like it with melon, personally), it was cooked perfectly, and I had two giant pieces. It reminded me of bacon, which may have been why I loved it. We also got something they called cheese fondue, but it was essentially potatoes with a cream sauce over it. Kind of tasted like potato skins, and very average potato skins.

The entrées were also hit or miss, and mostly miss. The good was the Naked Ravioli. It’s basically ravioli stuffing minus the pasta shell. It’s also basically one of the best things I’ve ever eaten. Seriously. Drizzled with olive oil, I ate half of it, and I wasn’t even the one who ordered it.

But it went down hill from there. I got some sort of fish. Can’t even remember what it was, that’s how forgettable it was. Someone else at the table got a different fish, and it was also pretty tasteless. Someone got this squid infused pasta. Now, I love fish, and even I had a tough time eating it. It was so incredibly fishy. I think it would have made a perfect side item, where you could enjoy one or two bites (which were really good) but would run out before you ate three or more bites (when you wanted to scrape your tongue with a piece of bread).

Oh, I almost forgot, they had the best butter. I’m a huge bread and butter guy. You could say it’s my bread and butter. Kind of like not being funny. Anyway, the butter was a jalapeno something-or-other. We ate two huge baskets of bread because of the butter. And when I say we, I mean me.

The other pleasant surprise was the prices. Really, really reasonable, but it was BYOB when I was there (which it won’t always be).

I guess that’s about it. Not sure where I stand on this place. I was very disappointed, but also satisfied enough to go back and give it another shot because of all the circumstances (just opened, etc…). They are planning on changing their menu every two to three weeks, which is also intriguing.

For now, until I go for a second time and make a more educated decision, I’m gonna give it a high-five with a manly ass slap.

Until next time, keep eating.

Nine

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly-ass slap – ½ star

Restaurant: Nine
Location: 440 W. Randolph St.

I won’t spend a ton of time on this review. Nine is one of the best places I’ve eaten in the city. The calamari was the best I ever had, and it wasn’t even fried. The lobster bisque was fab, the steak was to die for, and the seafood is phenom. I’m telling you, I tried a little bit of everything and there wasn’t anything that didn’t sit well.

The desert menu is one of the best in the city. It is very simple, with favorites like root beer floats, apple pie, and cotton candy, but the portions are huge, and the taste is better than mom used to make.

Warning: this place is extremely expensive, and unless you are a Sr. CD or worked for Enron, the bill will make you cry. With food and drinks, the meal came out to about $150+ a person, and that didn’t include dessert, which we had comped.

Easily a half handshake, half chest-bump hug.

Piece

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly-ass slap – ½ star

Restaurant: Piece
Location: 1927 W. North Ave.

Do you like pizza? Do you like beer? Do you like Cheap Trick? Do you like Rachel Ray? Do you like The Real World: Chicago?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you will love Piece. If you answered yes to the last question, then you love crazy chicks named Tonya.

Piece is a Wicker Park favorite. It’s a pizza joint and a microbrew rolled into one great joint. One of the owners is the former guitarist of Cheap Trick. And, if you ever watched Real World: Chicago, Tonya used to wait tables here when she needed money to pay all her medical bills (boob implants). Plus, Rachel Ray was recently here, and even created a chocolate pizza that is now part of the dessert menu. If the star power doesn’t intrigue you, the food will.

The pizza is thin-crust, so anyone outside of Chicago will love that you don’t need a knife and fork to dive in. They offer three different types of pizza - one with a traditional red sauce with mozzarella cheese, one with a white sauce and a blend of cheeses, and one with no sauce and some other hippy, vegan, tree-hugger type ingredients. And once you get your pie, you will not be disappointed.

The pizza’s are big, and with plenty of ingredients to choose from (including crab and other non-traditional options), everyone can get something that suits their taste. I enjoy the “Ricky Kim”, which is pepperoni and peppercini.

And nothing compliments ice-cold beer like an ice-cold brew. Piece always has at least 7 home brews on tap, and up to 10 guest brews. The other night I enjoyed a Dark and Curvy, and will be going back to snag a couple of growlers of it to enjoy at home.

I also love cheese. And if that cheese is melted, mixed with spinach and/or artichoke, and served with chips, then I love it more. Guess what? Piece has a great spinach and artichoke dip. Maybe the best in the city. Yeah, I said it.

The atmosphere is great. They always have sports on and the crowd is eclectic. Get there early though, as a typical Friday night wait is 90 minutes.

When I’m not looking for a big old Chicago stuffed pizza, this is the place I like to frequent for my pizza cravings.

I give it a chest bump with a manly ass slap.

West Town Tavern

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly-ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: West Town Tavern
Location: 1329 W. Chicago Ave.

West Town Tavern is located in West Town. That may sound confusing, but it’s not. The restaurant is a little over a year old (I think I’m making that up. It’s more like 3 years old.), but the feel inside is of a cozy, established, local joint. You’ll feel like the place has been around since the 40’s, with its tin ceiling, exposed brick walls, and hard wood floors.

The atmosphere is perfect. Tables are packed in to fit as many people into the space as possible, and at times you may be able to talk to those at your table, then wheel around and join another conversation at the table next to you. But, that is what gives this place its neighborhood feel. Even if you don’t know anyone in the place, you somehow feel like you are all friends, hanging out together on a Saturday night like you always do. The place is perfect for a nice dinner party of 4 or 6, where you can sit, eat, drink, and talk for as long as you’d like.

But that isn’t the best part of the place. The food is exceptional. If you are visiting for your first time, give some consideration to the pot roast. Sounds simple, but served along with garlic-mashed potatoes, it just might be the best thing on the menu. Nothing will disappoint, and even the steak is pretty tasty. Make sure you listen to the specials, as there is always something worth trying. Someone at the table ordered the skate, which is the wing of a devil ray. I think. Either way it’s a fish, and it was the best main dish of the night. Cooked perfectly, the meat was easily parted with the fork, and the spices and sauce created a simple, but tongue-satisfying flavor that made you want to dig in for your next bite before you were done swallowing your first.

The appetizer list is extensive. Stay away from the calamari. It has a zesty spice, but I found it overcooked. For a real treat, order the spring rolls, which combined with the peanut dipping sauce, melt in your mouth and will have you craving more.

And when you’re done with your meal, go with the S’Mores or the Chocolate Devils Food Cake. Both are simple, but pack plenty for your sweet tooth to enjoy.

Overall this place is great. It comes highly recommended. They have a great wine menu that will compliment the meal, and the portion sizes will satisfy without making you look, or feel, like David Wells. And the prices are affordable, unless you are a junior copywriter at Zipatoni. Then you might need to borrow a couple of extra bucks from the account folks.

I give it a solid chest-bump.