Cafe 28

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly-ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: Café 28
Location: 1800 W. Irving Park Rd.

The quick review: This is my favorite restaurant in the city.

The long review: Café 28 offers a great combination of Cuban and Mexican-style foods that are filled with FLAVOR FLAV. I don’t think I’ve every ordered a thing off the menu that I would call “just OK” or “average” or “tastes like meat soaked in urine”. I think the best part about it is that it is always good. I’ve never had a bad experience. I’ve gone on Mondays, mid-week and weekends and the food always delivers.

They keep the menu relatively simple. You aren’t flipping through twelve pages of elaborate choices trying to narrow your choices and then having to ask the waiter for advice. Whether it’s fish, pork, chicken or steak, they’ll have something that will make your mouth water.

But, that’s if you’re even lucky enough to get to dinner. For me, it’s tough to get past the butter. It’s easily the best butter I’ve had in the city. They bring out this basket filled with wonderful bread and this little cup of jalapeño butter (it may not be jalapeño butter, but I know it’s really f-ing good. Sadly, I’ve only been there a half-a-dozen times, and I’m not sure what the butter is made of. I’d ask, but I’m usually busy trying to fit two pieces of bread into my mouth at the same time.). I’ll be honest, I can’t think of the last time I went there and didn’t make it to a third basket of bread and a fourth side of butter. If it wasn’t for my wife slapping the knife out of my hand there’s a good chance I would actually spread the butter onto all of my food. It’s that good. And I’m that fat.

And as long as we’re not talking about entrees, let’s move on to some of the sides. Or one in particular. The jalapeño mashed potatoes (yes, I am sure these are made with jalapeños). Again, I always order a side of these, even if they already come with my meal. Again, I’m very fat and have a problem controlling my appetite.

For starters, you can’t go wrong with the quesadillas. I’ve seen them ordered as a meal, which is a fine choice. Sadly, I’ve never seen anyone spread the butter on them, but they’re good enough that you probably don’t need to. Now, I would highly recommend starting off with the green tamales. These things are like a cake mixed with a block of cheese and some green stuff and so much tastiness that they’ll actually distract you from ordering that third basket of bread and butter.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on the entrees. They are all fantastic. The crusted halibut, the chicken, the pulled pork something-or-other sandwich, the chipotle chicken – they are all going to get the job done. But, if you’re only going to go one time, and you have no problems eating animals, order the jalapeño pork chops. These are the best things in the world. Maybe even better than the butter. Maybe. And they aren’t spicy. They actually have this ungodly blend of sweetness and jalapeño. Almost like honey with some hot sauce type of action. I’m doing a terrible job of describing them. Just make sure you give them a try. And get a side of jalapeño mashed potatoes (on top of the ones that come with the pork chops). You won’t be able to finish it all, but you’ll want to try, and that’s always fun to watch for everyone else.

They even have dessert, and the pistachio cake will take you by surprise and satisfy your sweet tooth. A nice end to a perfect meal.

Now, seating can be tough and very hit or miss. Come at the wrong time on a Friday or Saturday night and you’ll be waiting for an hour or more. But, I’ve also been there on a Saturday night at around seven and sat right down. They even have a small little patio in the back, which if you can sit there, I would. It has the best view of four brick walls in the city.

Um, let’s see. Atmosphere is great. Cool artwork. Super-friendly waitstaff. Oh, and their drinks are great. Especially the mojitos. Yes, mojitos are close to jumping the shark (even though jumping the shark has jumped the shark), but they are still tasty and go perfect with whatever you order.

I don’t know what else I can say. My guess is if you give it a try, you’ll walk out of there saying, “Yeah, that was great. Not the best place I’ve eaten in the city, but still, it was great. And I want to go back.” For me, I walk out of there saying, “I wonder if they’ll let me take the butter home?”

It easily gets a half handshake, half chest-bump hug.