Jerry's

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars



Restaurant: Jerry’s
Location: 1938 W. Division


Mark Philippoussis had to make a tough choice. But it’s nothing compared to deciding which sandwich to order at Jerry’s.

That’s because Jerry’s offers 100 sandwiches to choose from on its menu. And that’s not counting the five burgers, the fish sandwich, or the grilled cheese it also offers. Not to mention you can build your own sandwich out of 28 different fillings, 11 cheeses, 26 condiments, and 11 breads. So that’s like, I don’t know, at least 14 more sandwich possibilities. Maybe more. I’m not sure how the math works on that. The menu is pretty overwhelming. It’s kind of like being a kid and your mom takes you to Toys ‘R’ Us and you walk in and all you see is miles and miles of toys and you get so excited you mess your pants a little bit and your feet start spinning in place like a cartoon character and right as you’re about to race off and leave behind a cloud of dust in the shape of your body your mom says, “You can choose ONE toy.” and the smile in your face vanishes and all you want to say is “Bitch, are you crazy?” but you’re a kid and she’s your mom and you’re sure to get the stick of motivation* and not be able to walk for a week if you open your mouth so you keep it shut and mope around the store trying to find that one perfect toy you can have and hope you don’t screw it up. Or something like that.

My wife and I headed to Jerry’s last week, and we decided to sit outside even though it was a little warm out. Jerry’s just opened up on Division, right off of Damen. It’s actually the second location for the sandwich shop. The original is in the West Loop on Madison. The outdoor patio is great. It’s right on the sidewalk, and now that Wicker Park is officially Lincoln Park West there’s plenty of good people watching to be had. I also loved the inside, which reminds me of a ski lodge. The whole joint feels like this trendy, upscale, see-and-be-seen place, but really it’s just a down-to-earth sandwich shop. I really liked the atmosphere. And you know what else I liked? The fact that they had Sprecher Root Beer on draft. It’s my favorite root beer and, next to Henry Weinhard’s Orange Cream, might be my favorite soda. And on draft it’s even better. It was a very nice and unexpected surprise (and yes, I hate people who use the phrase “unexpected surprise”. Of course it was unexpected. That’s what makes it a surprise. But I’m going to use the phrase anyway. If I played in the XFL my jersey would have to read “I HATE ME”.).

We were starving, and the service was a little bit too laid back, so my preggers wife had to tackle the waiter to put in an appetizer order. The Pretzel Plate sounded good. Three freshly baked pretzels served with two kinds of mustard. The size of ‘em was great. Enough for 3-4 people, and plenty for the two of us. But, they were kind of hard. I was hoping for those soft pretzels you get at a ballgame, but these were very crunchy on the outside, and soft on the inside. They were incredibly hard to tear or break apart. And the mustard was a little much. I don’t like mustard to begin with, and this was really fresh, and I think made in the back. I also might have accidentally inhaled some, which made my eyes water for about five minutes. In the end we only ate about a pretzel and a half. And we only did that because we were so hungry. I can’t say the pretzels were bad; they just weren’t my cup of tea. But that’s probably because they didn’t come with nacho cheese. That could have saved them for me. Then again, nacho cheese can save anything. Except for maybe clogged arteries.

After the waiter took our app order he gave us about thirty minutes to decide on a sandwich. I know the menu is huge, and there’s a lot to think about, but it was a little frustrating waiting for him to come back and take our order. And even then we had to flag him down. Normally we might be in a more relaxed mood where we aren’t in such a hurry, but my wife is nine months pregnant, so when she wants food, she needs food. After we knew what we wanted we started killing time by using the menu to try and decide on a name for our soon-to-be-born baby boy. See, every sandwich on the menu has a name. Like the Scottie P, the Ben F, the Jorma K, and so on. We got through about 80 of the names (I really liked Scottie, but part of that is because I once said Scottie Pippen wasn’t one of the 50 greatest NBA players of all-time, and I now know that I was wrong in that assessment, so I kind of feel like I owe him something, and naming my son after him might make us even.) before he finally came and took our order.

Deciding is actually easier than it sounds. The menu is split into sections. Like the Turkey section, or the Roast Beef, Steak, and Corned Beef section, or the Salmon, Smoked Salmon, Tuna Salad section. So all you gotta do is decide what kind of meat you want to eat (I won’t even go there. And to answer your question: yes, hell has officially frozen over.) and then choosing a sandwich is pretty easy. My wife went with the Molly B, which is turkey, bacon, smoked Gouda, and southwest mayo. She ordered it on the pretzel roll. It was good. A great combination of flavors. And I really liked the pretzel roll. It made me jealous that I didn’t get it for my sandwich.

I went with the Rocky B, which is salami, prosciutto, soppresata, ham, coppicola, provolone, and balsamic vinaigrette. The only adjustment I made was substituting fresh mozzarella for the provolone. I ordered the Rocky B on dark rye bread. I really liked my sandwich, but I wouldn’t say I loved it. I think it was the ham. It was just a little too plain when combined with everything else, and ham was the most prominent of all the meats on the sandwich. That being said the sandwich was the perfect size. Big enough that it was very filling (and even gut-busting depending on your appetite) but not so big that it was disgusting (like at Perry’s downtown). Even though it included a ton of meat, cheese, and some extras (lettuce, onion, etc…) you didn’t have to Eat Like Snake to get your mouth around it. I probably wouldn’t get the Rocky B again, but that’s only because there are so many other choices on the menu. Between the other 99 sandwiches, the build-your-own feature, and the burgers and stuff, there’s just no point to ordering the same thing every time.

Each sandwich also comes with the choice of two sides, which change daily or weekly or something. I got the spicy mac and cheese and the cornbread. The mac and cheese was OK. Definitely cheesy, and spicy, but not that warm, and it wasn’t special or anything. The cornbread was also very average. It was too dry, so you had to smother it with butter to eat it without turning into that guy in the old “Got Milk” commercial who can’t answer the call-in radio show question because he’s eating cake or something and doesn’t have any milk to wash it down with. Amy made a couple of better decisions. She had the homemade chips, which were delicious, and the fresh fruit, which was also really good. Somehow between four different side orders we didn’t get any fries (see: hell frozen over).

There’s also a ton of dessert choices, which we didn’t even attempt (see: hell frozen over). Next time.

And the best part of it all? The bill was under $30. In fact, it was only $25 before taxes, which is pretty reasonable these days.

I like Jerry’s. I’ll be back to Jerry’s. I wish they served Ben and Jerry’s. I’m gonna give it a chest tap, which is the same as a light chest bump (and if you’re still lost, that’s the same as 3.75 stars).



* ©Kerry N.



Got a question? Send it to josh@borntofork.com.