America's Dog - Day 5

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: America’s Dog
Location: 26 E. Randolph


Day 5


Well, all good things must come to an end. Like the Bulls’ season. Sanjaya (aka Mangina). And my hot dog eating obsession. It was a good week. Just not for my intestines.

To answer the question once and for all, yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. I asked the order-taker girl today if anyone turned in a pair of sunglasses. And she said yes. And better yet, they were mine. I couldn’t have been more excited. And that’s before I even ate the hot dogs.

Today I had a lot of company. Katie, who claims I have ruined her life by introducing her to America’s Dog, because she can’t stop thinking about it. Kasey, who claims I have ruined his life because he has to work with me and I embarrass him at NERF hoops on a weekly basis. Matt, whose life I haven’t ruined yet, but it’s only a matter of time. And Heather, who is dating Kasey. No joke needed there. I kind of feel like Vinny Chase right now.

Hot Dog: The Chicago Dog
Wanted to save the classic for the last day. Not bad. Definitely not the best Chicago dog in the city, but at least they get it right. There are better things on the menu, and if you really want a chi-town dog downtown I’m a Max’s take-out or Downtown Dog kind of guy. Fist bump.

Hot Dog: The Philadelphia Dog
Great concept here. It’s a build-your-own-dog dog (get it? Philly is the city that’s home to freedom, and this is the freedom to have a dog any way you want it? Genius.). I went with the fried hot dog, chili, melted cheddar cheese (scoopable cheese), grilled onions, buffalo sauce, celery salt, and a pickle. And a defibrillator. Not a bad dog, if I do say so myself. But quite frankly it was a little too much. The Philly Dog gets a half handshake, half chest-bump hug. My version of the Philly Dog gets a fist-bump with a manly ass slap.

Side Item: Cheese Fries
I’m not even sure where to start. It’s a HUGE box of their delicious curly fries topped with scoopable cheese. OK, I guess I do know where to start. They’re also amazing. I love the fries. I love the cheese. I love the fries and cheese together. The best side item I got all week. Half handshake, half chest-bump hug.


So, what did we learn this week? A lot.

- America’s Dog hot dogs are really energy bars wrapped in poppy seed buns and should be handed out during marathons instead of Gatorade and gel packs.
- I’m fat.
- America’s Dog is the best concept in hot dogs that I’ve seen in quite some time.
- Fishing really can be dangerous.
- Scoopable cheese makes everything better.
- There’s no such thing as a bad corn dog. And if there is one out there, I hope I never find it.
- Scott Skiles got out-coached by Flip Saunders, which I’m embarrassed to even type.
- Everyone should start calling me The Big Delicious.
- I’m going to hell.
- I’m fat.
- You can eat at America’s Dog for an entire week and not get tired of it.
- Morgan Spurlock is a crybaby.


America’s Dog gets a half handshake, half chest-bump hug.


Got a question? Send it to josh@borntofork.com.