Dodo

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: Dodo
Location: 935 N. Damen


A little ways back my work brought in a “consultant”. He would sit in meetings, keep his mouth shut, and every now and then chime in. But it wouldn’t be with some earth shattering knowledge or insight. He would just start with a, “You know…” then pause for a couple of seconds as everyone waited with bated breath, then continue with some cliché, like “K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid.” Then he’d push up his glasses with his index finger and lean back in his chair. And he got paid for that. A lot. Now, I’m not sure if he was giving sage advice or if he just enjoyed calling me stupid. Either way, I wanted to punch him in the face.

And I bring this up because Dodo, a new breakfast and lunch place (otherwise known as brunch, or breakunch) on Damen (in the old Privata spot) seems to have followed the consultant’s advice. They have kept their menu simple. For the most part, there is nothing fancy here. Breakfast choices include omelettes, eggs, pancakes, French toast, and that’s about it. Lunch choices include about five sandwiches, like pork and ham and cheese. And some salads. The only “fancy” things they have on the menu is Japanese pancakes, which is…I have no idea. I know it has carrots and cabbage and some sort of sauce and mayo. And Dodo also has breakfast tamales, which looked pretty good. But that’s it. That’s almost everything on the menu. They have the sides you’d expect – toast, sausage, bacon, etc… - and the drinks you’d expect – OJ, milk, coffee.

And you know what, I like it that way. As much as I loooooove Bongo Room and places that have these great, elaborate breakfast choices, I also appreciate a place that keeps it simple. Even the omelette is simple, with the choice of three cheeses and that’s it. Nothing more. No ham, no spinach, no chorizo, no nothing. Just cheese. And only three kinds to choose from. It’s surprisingly refreshing.

I ordered the omelette with the sharp cheddar and a side of potatoes. And a side of the French toast. And a side of toast (rye bread). And a bottomless cup of coffee. And an endless supply of bad breath. Now, when I was checking out the menu I was pleasantly surprised at the prices. Everything was $6-$7, and the sides were all about $2-$3. My real complaint was that the coffee was $2.25, but then again I had 5 cups, and it was pretty good. So, when the food came out I shouldn’t have been surprised that it wasn’t the ginormous portions you get at most places. These days a “normal-size” portion means your pancakes are as big as a flying saucer, or your omelette is the size of a piece of fire wood. But not at Dodo. Sizes here are old-school normal size. The kind of portions your parents or grand parents are probably used to. So, you get satisfied without getting so full that you can’t get up from your seat.

And the food is good. The omellete was good, the potatoes were good, the toast was good, and the French toast was great. And, I had the pleasant surprise of being joined by my neighbor, who was also eating alone. He’s been here once before, so he knew what he was doing. He got the French toast with bananas. I was jealous. They looked great. My favorite part of the French toast is that they give you two pieces that are the typical bread you’re used two, and two pieces that are baguettes. Why is it my favorite part? I have no idea. I just like the way it looks on the plate.

At this point the only complaints I have is that the servers seem overwhelmed. When my neighbor sat down the waiter came over and asked if he was going to eat, and my neighbor, Mike, said, “Yeah, and I know what I want.” But the waiter wasn’t expecting to take his order, and said he’d be right back. But it took him at least 5 minutes to come back and take the order. And he was just running around the whole time. It’s not like it was bad service, it was just sporadic service. And the place is small, so it’s not like they have to run around a huge restaurant. The place only sits about 20 people, so it’s tight, and at the wrong time, you might have to wait a minute. But, since the place is still relatively unknown, I didn’t have to wait. And neither did my neighbor, thanks to me. Looking forward to trying the lunch menu next time I go. I’ll keep you posted. Or not.

I’m gonna go with a fist bump and a manly ass slap. I’m excited to have a good breakfast place steps from my front door. If you’re in the area, give it a shot; I think you’ll like it. And if you don’t, then suck it.

Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

The Chronicles of Gnar

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: The Dredge
Location: 180 W Jefferson, Breckenridge, CO


WARNING: THIS REVIEW IS LONG, RAMBLES, AND IS EXTREMELY INCOHERENT. I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE.

On my latest trip I was in Colorado to do some skiing. For those in the know, you might call this “shredding the gnar”. For those who are complete tools, you might call this “shredding the gnar”. I fall into both categories. Any who, I made the trip with 15 other friends and we all stayed in one house in Breckenridge. Great time. If you get the chance, I would make friends with 15 people as cool as the friends that I have and then encourage all of them to meet in Colorado to ski, drink, eat, drink, and drink. And ski.

On Saturday night, the group “organizer”, Juice, wanted us all to go someplace and have dinner together. You see, to this point in the trip we were eating at the house. We made a decision that everyone was on their own for food, so we kind of split up into groups and people went to the store to stock up the kitchen on their own. In theory this was a great idea, because making a shopping list for 16 people is impossible (especially when me and my buddy Ricky are two of those people). And, if you were able to make a list, the person in charge of buying it all would get screwed. But, when you split up into groups, here’s what you end up with in your kitchen (and this is mostly not exaggerated):
- 30+ bananas
- 3 jars of peanut butter
- 7 loaves of bread
- 62 frozen pizzas
- 2 bottles of Jack (which wasn’t nearly enough)
- 2 jars of jelly
- 4 gallons of milk
- 1 lb of coffee
- 80+ bottles of water
- 800+ bottles of beer
- 0 bottles of KY Jelly
- 12 lbs of cereal

And the list goes on. And that was just for a long weekend. Here’s the point, once all the food is bought, everything gets thrown together, and everyone just starts eating everyone else’s’ food. Which is fine, except that people weren’t buying food for everyone, they were just buying food for their group. So you end up with more than you need (3 jars of peanut butter, 7 loaves of bread, etc…), and because people end up sharing, you also have less of what you need (1 lb of coffee, 62 pizzas, etc…). Why do I bring this up? I have no idea. But, since I did bring it up, let’s give a quick review to the frozen pizzas, which were cooked non-stop for roughly 72 hours before we went to dinner on Saturday (and we even cooked a couple of pizzas before dinner as “appetizers”).

Kroger Brand generic pizza – surprisingly good. But, when you’re drunk, what isn’t good. Tasted like Tombstone. High five with a manly ass slap.
Red Baron Pizza – the best of the bunch, but it was also the only one that cost more than $2.50. Fist bump with a manly ass slap.
Totino’s Pizza – the most popular, probably because it cost about 50 cents a pizza. Thanks to Tony D, there will always be something about a Totino’s Pizza that will have a place in my heart. Fist bump.

If you’ve read this far, I’m sorry. Let’s get back to where we left off. On Saturday night, the group “organizer”, Juice, wanted us all to go someplace and have dinner together. Great idea. Get us out of the house but still together, since that was impossible on the slopes. The only place in Breckenridge that had the availability for 17 people (another friend from Denver joined us) on a Saturday night was a restaurant called The Dredge. Just for the record, if a place has room for 17 people on a Saturday night at 8:30 when you call the day of, that’s a bad sign.

Now, the restaurant was actually in an old dredge. What is that? Well, I’m glad you asked. Let me tell you. Actually, I just read about dredges for 45 minutes and still have no idea how to describe them. Just visit this site to learn more (if you care, which I’m sure you don’t, but just in case you do, which, again, I doubt) - http://www.nps.gov/yuch/Expanded/mining_history/coal_creek/what_is_a_dredge.htm

So, we’re about 800 words in and I still haven’t even talked about the food. Let’s get to it.

As a table we ordered a bunch of appetizers – fried calamari, spinach and artichoke dip, and mussels. OK, so maybe it wasn’t exactly a bunch, but it was enough for 9 people (we were split into two tables – 9 at one, 8 at the other). Plus we got free bread. Fried calamari was too cold, but not half bad. Of course that means it also wasn’t half good. The real question is “would I order it again?” The answer is “no”. The dip was OK. It did have a neon green look to it, which had me worried, but it really was pretty good. Mostly it was cheesy, so it’s tough to get a bad review when you’re extra cheesy. Unless you’re an American Idol. Then I hate you because you’re extra cheesy. Or if you’re not cheesy but you have long hair and a beard and think you’re a long lost member of Foghat. Then I hate you (yes, I talking to you Bo Bice, if that is your real name). The mussels were really, really good. Maybe because they were cooked in 6 lbs of butter. The bread was good and bad. The first loaf was great. It was warm and had a hint of flavor, but it was perfectly cooked and soft and chewy. Now, the second loaf (of course I asked for more) was burnt. The waitress even brought it out and said, “Looks like they left it in the oven too long.” When you’re saying that to PAYING customers, maybe you shouldn’t bring it to the table at all. I’m just sayin’. Did this stop me from eating it? Of course not, but I wasn’t happy about it.

And a couple people got soups and salads. They looked OK, and there was a split decision on the tomato and basil soup, so I don’t know what to tell you. I also don’t know why I even brought it up.

On to the entrees. I went with the ribs. I had the option of a half rack or full rack. Take a guess which one I went with. And like most entrees, you get some choices with your dinner. Mine consisted of the choice of a side. Here were the options: garlic mashers, baked potato, or rice. There are 3 things that are always going to make me happy: 1) chocolate, 2) garlic mashers, 3) porn. So of course I went with the garlic mashers. Over at the next table where the other half of our party was sitting, Puz was already enjoying the ribs. The sweat dripping from his forehead and the smile on his face told me that the ribs were good and spicy. And the forehead didn’t lie. The ribs had a great spice to them. They weren’t so hot that you had trouble eating them, but they had just enough spice that you couldn’t wait to get to the next rib as sweat ran down your neck. Anytime you sweat as you eat some BBQ is a good thing. The first rack was terrific. Juicy, easy to peel off the bone, and the aforementioned spices. But, the second rack was a different story. The ribs were overcooked and tough. By the middle of the rack I couldn’t go on. They were burnt and almost impossible to chew. And like a movie or book, you seem to remember the ending more than anything, and here the ending was a disappointment. Especially for Puz, who had an “issue” with the spiciness of the meat and had to make a run for the border while the rest of us sat there for an hour and told old jokes that we’ve told each other a thousand times. Here was my favorite (probably because it was a new one):

Guy walks into a bar and sits down. Notices he’s next to a guy with a huge orange as a head. He’s curious so he asks, “Why do you have an orange head?” The guy says, “Well, it’s a funny story. I was strolling down the beach one day, and I kind of stumbled. I looked back to see what I tripped on and I noticed a little lamp. Sure enough a huge genie comes slinking out of it. The Genie says to me, ‘Looks like you’re the big winner of three wishes.’ So, I took him up on the offer. First, I asked for 100 million dollars. Poof, there was 100 million dollars sitting at my feet. Next, I asked to have relations of the sexual nature with Eva Longoria. Bam, next thing you know I’m in Eva. For my last wish, and here’s where I think I went wrong, I wished that my head be turned into a giant orange.”

Trust me, it killed. Thanks for that one Neuman.

The garlic mashers. Just a horrible, horrible experience. The mashers were dry. And you couldn’t even taste the garlic. The only way these things were edible is if you coated them with butter, and that’s only if you could find some unused butter at the table. How do you ruin garlic mashers? It’s not that hard. You take some potatoes, add some garlic, add some cream and butter, and mash them together. And if they seem like they aren’t creamy enough, you add some more cream. How can you screw this up? I’m still livid. Here’s the thing about the list of things that always make me happy - even on their worst day, I’m still happy with those things. Cheap, old, crusty chocolate? Still chocolate. Still happy to eat it. Porn with 83-year-old women? Still porn. Still at least funny to look at. Dry, non-garlic garlic mashers? Still mashers. Still good. Or at least that’s what I assumed. The mashers at The Dredge have forced me to officially remove garlic mashers from my “always happy” list. It is a sad, sad day in Josh land.

But, they had dessert. And they had two choices from the “always happy” list: 7-layer chocolate cake and an ice cream chocolate chip cookie sundae. I chose the latter. And you know what, it was so good it just might have saved The Dredge from a handshake rating and kicked it all the way up to a fist bump with a manly ass slap. I’m that fat, and dessert is that important. But, I said “might have”.

Let’s get back to the service I alluded to before. We had two tables of people, and the restaurant decided that it would be easier for them (and better for us) if each table had their own server. Fine. I get it. Their server came, took a drink order, and brought back drinks. Then took the appetizer order, and brought appetizers. Then took the dinner order, and brought dinner. Makes sense. Our waitress on the other hand took our drink order, then brought back a pitcher of water. Then took our appetizer order, then brought appetizers. But still no drinks. Someone finally begged and pleaded for our drinks. It was a disaster. The other table was done eating as we were just getting our food, and our waitress was never to be found, and at one point we almost sent someone to the bar to get us a second round of drinks. It really was horrible service. And she was nice enough and all (even laughing as Neuman was firing on her while she spotted the nearest exit), but just had no clue what she was doing. She was oblivious. And I’ve said before that for me to be happy with a restaurant the food simply needs to be OK and the service needs to be good. Well, when the service is bad, that’s tough to overcome.

But then again, I was hanging out with good friends and skiing in Colorado. Even The Dredge couldn’t ruin that.

The Dredge – High five.
The gnar – half handshake half chest-bump hug.
The shredding I did of the gnar – fist bump. At best.

Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

Vegas, Baby. Vegas.

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star


For Super Bowl weekend I headed to Vegas for work. Luckily, for me, work consists of drinking beer, and I did plenty of that. And in between hanging out with Drew Brees, his wife, his brother, and his brother’s girl (who collectively couldn’t have been any cooler, making Drew Brees my fantasy QB every year until he retires, which is actually bad news for him, since my fantasy skills are world renowned for sucking), almost getting boomflopped by Donald Driver for cock-blocking him, and finding out that Ryne Sandberg truly is a nice guy, and a truly is very boring, I had some time to eat. And yes, that was the longest sentence you’ll ever read (and that’s if it was even a real grammatical sentence).

So, here’s a recap of some of the places where I inhaled food over the weekend.


Restaurant: Mon Ami Gabi
Location: Paris Casino and Resort

Mon Ami Gabi is a Lettuce Entertain You Restaurant. There are four of them in the world, two in Chicago, and I thought it was a good idea to travel 1,800 miles to Vegas try it for the first time. And, to tell you the truth, I didn’t know it was a Lettuce Entertain You place when I decided to go there, or that there were two of them in Chicago. And, the reason we went there was because it was 70 degrees and sunny and it was one of the few places that have outdoor seating on the strip. Coming from below freezing temps, I was adamant that we sit outside.

Anyway, Mon Ami Gabi is a French steakhouse. And if you aren’t familiar with the difference between French steakhouses and the American ones you might be used to, let me give you a quick guide. French steakhouses serve steak, while American steakhouses serve steak. I hope that helped.

I ordered the Brie Burger and the Mac and Cheese. Both were great for different reasons. The burger was surprisingly great. Big and juice, and topped with brie cheese, which adds a great flavor you normally don’t get in a burger, it was the kind of burger you could sink your teeth into over and over again. The best part was having a couple of bites, then chowing on the mac and cheese, then coming back to the burger and having that, “Holy crap, this thing is great!” feeling over and over again. I highly recommend this dish. And it came with some pretty decent Steak and Shake type of fries. And the mac and cheese was also really tasty. It was essentially mostaccioli pasta baked with cheese on top. The best part was scraping the baked cheese off the side of the bowl and then eating it along with a couple of pieces of the pasta. Not sure I would get it next time I go, but I’m pretty happy I got it this time. Right dish at the right time.

And the dessert. Oh, sweet dessert. I ordered the flourless chocolate cake, and it was warm and topped with warm chocolate and was so moist and soft and chewy and gooey. It was a great way to end my meal. Well, that, and the fact that I got to expense it for work. That always helps.

Mon Ami Gabi gets a surprising fist bump with a manly ass slap. If I went there again and got to try a couple of other things, it might even jump to an all out chest bump. Or, it could fall to an even fist bump. You never know.


Restaurant: Isla
Location: Treasure Island Casino and Resort

Isla is the Mexican restaurant located in Treasure Island. This upscale kitchen and tequila bar boasts the best Mexican place in the city (as voted on by Las Vegas Life Magazine) and has its very own Tequila Goddess. What is a Tequila Goddess, you ask? Well, it’s a 6 ft. tall blond bombshell that walks around and offers her expert advice on tequila and other drinks. Upon further review, I’m pretty certain this was a Tequila God. I never got close enough to check for an Adam’s apple, but even if “she” didn’t have one, I’m pretty certain “she” did at one time in her life.

But it really doesn’t matter if she was or wasn’t a dude. What does matter is the food. And this place delivered.

For starters they brought out a slew of salsas and guacamoles. They were all good. Nothing stood out from the rest, but they all satisfied. If push came to shove, I’d say go with the guacamole (they have more than one kind) over the salsas.

Next they brought out some appetizer sampler plates. It was full of a ton of stuff I don’t remember, except that I’m pretty sure empanadas was one of the items. No one really samples the apps, including me. I had a couple of bites, and that was enough to know I didn’t want a couple more.

But to make up for the apps, they had some great soup. I was given an old menu, which had tortilla soup on it, and as I ordered it the waitress told me they didn’t have it that night, and apologized for the confusion. Instead, she insisted I try the cream of corn soup, or corn chowder, or something like that. I was glad she did. It was really, really good. It tasted kind of like creamed cornbread, so it had this creamy sweet flavor. If you go there and it’s on the menu, get it.

For an entrée I went with the pulled pork tamal. Again, really tasty. Everyone at the table seemed to really like their meals, including me.

Nothing overly special here, but really solid Mexican food. But looking back, nothing that made me say, “Oh my God!” Fist bump.



Restaurant: La Creperie
Location: Paris Casino and Resort

For breakfast on Saturday morning I had a craving for crepes, and I figured what better place to go than Paris…Hotel and Casino.

The hotel offers a walkup creperie, where they have a wide selection of breakfast, dessert, and dinner type fillings. I chose the banana foster. The best way to describe it was to say it was too French. See, if it was more of the American take on the French classic, then it would have been STUFFED with, well, stuff. Instead, it was kind of light on ingredients. Not enough filling for my overeating appetite. It just wasn’t that filling. Or that good. But on an empty stomach and half hung over, I wasn’t going to complain very much.

High five.



Restaurant: Inaka Sushi
Location: 10100 S. Eastern Ave., Henderson, NV

I’m still so angry about this place I can barely type about it. Here’s what happened:

They have $20 all you can eat sushi. We got it, even though my brother and sister weren’t going to be eating that much. I started out with 6 rolls for everyone. One of them was awful, another didn’t end up being a roll, it was just a fried jalapeño popper. So, instead of finishing the awful roll, I ordered two more. We didn’t finish them. When we asked for a box the guy told us “no way.” Fine, I get it. You don’t want people ordering a bunch of extra food then taking it home. But then he told us he was going to have to charge us for the extra rolls that weren’t eaten. What? He even pointed to the “fine print” on the menu. Have you ever heard of this? I was livid. I explained that the one roll was just plain awful, and I wasn’t going to pay for it. Then, after some discussion, we agreed to be charged for one extra roll. I still can’t talk about it I’m so angry. Who does this? Charge you for what you don’t eat? Isn’t that the point of all you can eat, that you can stop once you can’t eat anymore? Can you imagine going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and getting charged for food left on your plate, or food left in the canisters sitting under the heat lamps? That’s the chance you take when you offer all-you-can-eat. I want to spit right now.

All that and the Sushi was AWFUL. Fone and Fone and never go here.



Restaurant: Gordon Biersch
Location: 3987 Paradise Road, Las Vegas, NV

Look! It’s a brewery! It’s a restaurant! It’s Gordon Biersch!

Bottom line, this is a semi-national chain that is a microbrewery and a restaurant. The food was actually really good, but I didn’t have the stomach to try the beer, since I’d been drinking it all weekend. I started off with the artichoke dip, which wasn’t creamy like I expected, but was really good anyway. It almost seemed healthy, except for the giant bread bowl it was served in. For my main course I ordered up a BBQ Chicken Pizza. It was big for one person, and filling, and the next best thing to California Pizza Kitchen (who knows, it may have even been better than CPK).

Great place for lunch or dinner that will get you off the strip and allow you to relax and enjoy yourself a little bit. Highly recommended. Chest bump.


Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

Popeye's

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: Popeye’s
Location: 811 Wrigley Dr., Lake Geneva, WI


I had the pleasure of spending my most recent birthday in Lake Geneva, WI for work. Now, obviously there’s nothing better than spending your birthday with a bunch of clients and people from work, and it’s even more special if you can spend that time in a place like Lake Geneva with it’s many, many, many choices in fine dining.

For dinner, we headed to a place called Popeye’s. And unfortunately it wasn’t the fried chicken place, it was the seafood-and-then-some place.

When the waitress came around for drinks, I was in the mood for a milkshake. After all, it was my birthday. When I asked for a chocolate one, she told me they didn’t have milkshakes this time of year. Now, to be clear, milkshakes consist of ice cream and milk. And we’re in Wisconsin. The dairy capital of the world. And they don’t have milkshakes this time of year. As if somehow milk and ice cream are out of season. In the dairy state. Needless to say, I was annoyed.

The table then ordered some appetizers to share. We got the fried cheese sticks, fried calamari, fried onion rings, and the unfried spinach and artichoke dip. And they were all very unenjoyable. The cheese sticks almost weren’t fried enough. Or, to be more accurate, reheated enough. The cheese on the inside wasn’t even melted. Come on, if you’re going to serve me fried cheese sticks and the inside isn’t gooey with melted mozzarella, then don’t bother bringing them out of the kitchen. The fried calamari was interesting. They were actually more like fish sticks made out of calamari. But, if you’ve ever seen calamari, it doesn’t exactly lend itself to being made into perfectly straight sticks, which leads me to believe they were either calamari substitute, or they were like processed chicken nuggets, where the calamari is all ground together, then reformed in the shape of a stick. Whatever it was it was not good. I won’t even waste time on the onion rings. I love onion rings. My tongue hated me after eating these things. Lastly, I had a bit of the spinach and artichoke dip. Awful. No flavor, no taste, no good. And it had a neon green tint to it, as if the cook in the back turned to his buddy and asked, “Isn’t this dip supposed to be green?” And his buddy said, “I think so. Maybe.” So they mixed in a bunch of green food coloring. Unfortunately food coloring only adds color and not taste. If you’re looking for an appetizer at this place, stick to the soups.

Speaking of, I started out with the chicken tortilla soup, which wasn’t half bad.

What was all bad was my entrée. I decided to treat myself and go for the surf and turf. And with that I also got a side of fries. Which never came. So, no milkshake, and now no fries. But, I was able to nibble on someone else’s, and I was more than happy that mine didn’t get delivered. I’m not even sure how to describe the lobster. I haven’t had a ton of lobster in my lifetime, but I pretty sure it’s supposed to taste better than this. At one point I was actually dipping my lobster in the blood that was running from my steak just to give it some flavor. Again, I haven’t had much lobster over the years, but if you’re dipping it in warm cows blood just so it is edible, that’s bad, right?

I was kind of excited about the filet. It was a good size, and before I cut into it, I pushed on it with my fork. Seemed like it was cooked perfectly, so my expectations were high. And, of course, they were not met. It really was a bad steak. No flavor, not as juicy as I would have thought, and it was kind of burnt on the outside, but not a good burnt, a bad burnt. I didn’t even finish it.

And just to top everything off, my boss knew it was my birthday. When we walked it he handed a note to the hostess to bring our table a dessert with a candle in it. The hostess left and didn’t give the note to anyone. Then my boss went and found our server and asked her if she could bring something out so everyone could sing. She shoved a sparkler that looked like it spent a couple of weekends at Balco into an empty wine glass. This thing shot sparks out everywhere for about a minute as everyone sang. It was nice. Then the waitress brought a bill to my boss. The sparkler cost $6. And I didn’t even get dessert with the sparkler. Happy birthday to me.

I did get a box of thin mints from my boss later in the week, which was nice. But Popeye’s wasn’t so lucky. They get the near impossible Fone and Fone. Never eat here. Ever. Unless you hate milkshakes and good food. And good service. And your birthday.


Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

Bar Louie

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: Bar Louie
Location: All over the place


The second installment of Fat Tuesday took place after work at Bar Louie. Of all the great places to eat in this city, why Bar Louie? Because they have $1 burgers on Tuesday night. That, and they have $1 burgers on Tuesday night.

Now, you can find Bar Louie all over the city, since it is a citywide chain (like Giordano’s). And I’m assuming most of them have $1 burger night at some point during the week. At the Bar Louie in Wicker Park/Bucktown (on Damen, just north of North Ave.), the special event takes place every Tuesday.

Now, you may be skeptical of the whole $1 burger night thing. The burgers can’t be that big. They charge you out the wazoo for extras or something. There’s a limit to how many burgers you can order. Well, there is no catch. At least not really.

The burgers are big. At least ¼ lb, but I think even a little bigger than that. They are the same size as the burgers you would order off the menu on any other night. It is a big, fulfilling burger. So there’s no catch there.

You can order as many as you want. I ordered three one time. Then I ordered a stomach pump. Then I ordered a defibrillator. If you can order more than three, you’re my hero. Even if you can finish three, you’re still my hero. Two is doable, but not really worth the way you feel afterward. Of course I ordered two on Fat Tuesday. Because I’m fat. And the great thing about $1 burger night is if you don’t finish your burger, you don’t really care, ‘cause it only costs you a dollar.

Now, they do charge you for extras on the burger. Lettuce, pickles, ketchup, and mustard are all free. But, cheese, other toppings (onions, tomato, etc…) cost you 25 cents a pop. Which really isn’t bad. I usually get cheese and onions, so each burger is costing me $1.50. But then again, sometimes I’ll keep it plain, just so I get the satisfaction of eating a $1 burger.

The only real “catch” is that you can’t have the burger made to order. So, where I always get my meat cooked medium rare/rare, they only serve these burgers medium/medium well. But really, it’s not that big a deal. And again, they’re only $1, so who cares?

And you know what? The burgers are good. And they taste even better when you’re paying only $1 (or $1.50 in my case). It really might be the best deal in town. Plus, with the money you save you can add some sides and drinks. And if you get a side, go with the tater-tots. They’re awesome. And they’re fried. And you can turn to your friend and say, “Are you gonna eat your tots?” Then you can grab them and stuff them in your pocket and save them for later. And they’re served with a spicy little dipping sauce that is great. It’s kind of like a spicy cheesy mayonnaise or something. Or not. All I really know is that it’s good.

At the end of the night, I had two burgers (could only finish 1.5 of them), some tater-tots, two beers, and only ended up paying $18, and that includes tip and tax. It’s a steal. And if you’re fresh out of college or short on cash, you can pull this little trick – order two burgers with nothing on them, drink water, and order no sides or anything. Then, eat one burger, and get a to go box for the other one. You end up paying $5 (with tip and tax), and you get two dinners out of it. Or a dinner and a lunch. Either way you’re coming out ahead.

And while I’m here, I’ll also mention that I really like the food at Bar Louie. They do have pretty good bar food. I’ve had a little of everything – steak sandwich, apps, chicken sandwich, burgers, Philly cheese steak, etc - and everything is really tasty. When you’re looking for a laid back place with decent food, I’m gonna go ahead and recommend it. My only knock is that I wish there weren’t so many of them so they didn’t feel so generic. But, you consistently get good stuff, so it’s a tradeoff.

Bar Louie gets a fist bump with a manly ass slap.

Fat Tuesday gets two heart attacks and several trips to the john.



Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

La Bamba

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: La Bamba
Location: 2557 N. Halsted


I decided to do my own little version of Fat Tuesday yesterday. It comprised of eating lunch at La Bamba and ordering a “burrito as big as your head” and then having $1 burgers for dinner at Bar Louie.

So, part one of the dynamic duo took place during lunch with my friend Katy. I didn’t realize there was a La Bamba in the Loop, so it was a pleasant surprise to stumble upon it. I think it was on Madison, just east of Wells, but don’t quote me on that. Now, La Bamba brags that they make “burritos as big as your head”. I think they should change the tagline to “burritos as big as Josh’s hog”. Of course my wife would recommend the tagline “straws twice the size of Josh’s hog”. Either one works, I guess.

Anyway, I ordered the Super burrito, which is roughly the size of the Sunday edition of the Chicago Tribune. It really was much, much bigger than I thought it would be. It’s nice to know that there is a place that isn’t all hype. When they say they have big burritos, they bring it with big burritos. They have three sizes - small, regular, and super. Really, you should probably just go with the regular, which is still a huge burrito. But like I said, this was Fat Tuesday, so I went with the heart-attack-and-crap-all-afternoon size.

I opted for the pork as my meat of choice. Now, normally I’ll go steak, but I decided to mix it up. That, and I was planning on consuming about 6 lbs of red meat for dinner. Every burrito place is different about how they fill their tortilla. Some, like Chipotle, will use rice. Others will stuff it with veggies. La Bamba goes the bean route. They stuff this thing with a ton of beans. And not black beans or whatever, but the kinda smooshed beans that remind me of soft cat food. Either way, I’m not a huge bean guy, but I’ll eat the crap out of it when needed. And this was one of those times it was needed.

I didn’t love the burrito, but I also wasn’t going to look like a puss and leave a have eaten Super burrito sitting on my plate. I’m better than that. So, I slowly worked this thing over, pouring some great hot salsa on top of each bite.

Besides the cat food that filled this monster, I only had one other complaint – there wasn’t enough meat. The pork was shredded, which is fine, and it was good, but there just wasn’t enough. You had to get several bites into the thing before you hit meat, and even then it was a little sparse for my taste. I like my burrito STUFFED with meat, so it’s falling out all over the place. ‘Cause if I wanted a veggie burrito, I’d order one. When I want some meat in my burrito, I want that to be the main ingredient. In fact, it helps if that feels like the only ingredient. But La Bamba failed to deliver on that end.

Plus, my friend ordered the steak, and I like my steak to be big chunks, so you feel like you’re eating a steak. Instead, they have these tiny little pieces that might as well be ground beef. Again, not a fan.

But, the novelty of eating a giant burrito is always going to make me happy. And next time I’ll order it with extra meat or something. Either way, I’ll give it a high five. There are better burritos in the city, but it’s fun to try and consume something this big. Just ask my wife. HI-YO!




Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.