Lula Cafe

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Lula Cafe
Location: 2537 N. Kedzie


Do you want some career advice? Some tips on how to get ahead and stay ahead? Of course you do. And who better to give that advice than a guy who works hard...at avoiding work.

Tip #1 – LOOK BUSIER THAN YOU REALLY ARE
Walk around the office at high speeds and carry a pile of papers, a folder, or a pad of paper (or all three). And hold a pen in your mouth. Stare at the floor like you’re thinking about the most important thing in the world (even if you’re just thinking about lunch or surfing porn when you get home), and if someone calls you, either act like you don’t hear them, so they have to shout, or look up and pretend it takes you a second to recognize them. Do all of this and everyone will think you’re the busiest man in the office. Always rushing from one meeting to another. Always deep in thought, thinking about the last meeting you came from, and trying to figure out what you need to do for the next meeting you’re going to. Pretty soon you’ll find that people will apologize for stopping you, and they’ll say things like, “Sorry to bother you. You got a second?”

Tip #2 – ALWAYS ACT LIKE YOU HAVE SOMEPLACE TO GO
If someone says, “Sorry to bother you. You got a second?”, you look at your watch or computer or Crackberry and answer, “Literally one second.” If you’re sitting down, stand up, as if you have some place to go. If you’re walking down the hallway (don’t forget to have a stack of papers or something in your arms), slow down just a little, and start slowly walking backwards. With you’re body language you’re telling them, “I really don’t have time to talk to you. Quite frankly, you’re lucky I’m even acknowledging you. But, I’m listening (barely), so make it fast.” Once they blurt out their question, look up at the ceiling, think about the question for a second, and try to give a quick answer (“yes”, “no”, “yeah, but…”) and then quickly follow up with a “I want to talk more about it. Let me run and quickly take care this and I’ll come find you. Cool?” Then start to walk briskly while looking at your watch before they have time to really answer.

Tip #3 – LET PEOPLE ANSWER THEIR OWN QUESTIONS
If someone asks you a question, always find out what their answer is before giving a definitive answer. For example, let’s say someone asks you, “Do you think this should be like X or like Y.” Take a second and act like you’re not sure. Like you could go either way (just like you did experimenting in college). If you can, make a quick argument for both, like, “Yeah, I mean X has this going for it. BUT, I do like the fact that Y does that.” Then ask the person what they think. Usually when someone asks you a question, they already have an answer in their head. They’re just looking for someone to agree with them. So, once they give their POV (that’s Point Of View, and if you don’t know that, no amount of tips I’m gonna give you is going to help) you’ll either be able to agree with them (making them happy), or be able to give a compelling argument the other way (“I know what you’re saying about X, but that’s actually the reason I like Y, because it does the same thing in a more compelling way.”). Either way you’re going to look and sound smart. Then grab a stack of papers and act like you have some place to go.

Tip #4 – GIVE THEM THE FINGER (BUT NOT THE MIDDLE)
If something goes wrong, blame it on someone else. Kind of like having a little brother. BUT, always take a little bit of the fault, just not enough to get you grounded. “Mom, Jake broke the plate. He was running around and he knocked it off the table. I know WE shouldn’t have been playing in the house. I’m sorry.” You place the blame on your brother, but admit that you were in the fault a little bit, but not enough that you broke the plate. You gain the respect of your Mom (the boss) for admitting some fault, but also don’t get in trouble because clearly YOU weren’t the one who broke the plate. If you’re lucky you’ll get some chocolate milk while your brother gets a belt across the behind (not that I condone violence towards a child. Unless they break a plate).

Tip #5 – UNDER PROMISE. OVER DELIVER.
This one is all about setting expectations. And it never fails. If someone asks you for 5 things by Friday, tell them you can probably do 3 of ‘em. Or that you can do 5, but you won’t be able to get them done until Monday (because you’re SOOOOO busy). Then, on Friday, give them 7 things. Their jaw will drop. See, you were so busy that you didn’t think you could get it all done, then not only did you get it done, but you got more done than they wanted/needed/expected. The only way this could have happened is if you worked late, multi-tasked, and really put in the time to get everything done. At least that’s what they’ll think. But what really happened is that you knew you could get the 5 things (and then some) done by Friday, but you played possum and lowered their expectations, then gave them more than what they thought possible, so they were overwhelmed. It’s kind of like when you watch “Roll Bounce”. You expect the worst movie possible. I mean it involves Bow Wow for God’s sake. And your expectations are so low that when the movie ends up being barely decent, you get fooled into thinking the movie is better than it really is (and quite frankly, the movie is pretty good. Favorite line: “Take it easy fro-magnon”). At work, you could tell your boss, “5 things by Friday? No problem. I might even have time to get to 6 or 7.” And if you don’t deliver the goods, or deliver just the bare bones, he’s going to be disappointed. When I first saw “Anchorman”, I nearly started a picket line outside Will Ferrell’s house. See, I couldn’t wait for the movie to come out. I was expecting it to be the best comedy of all-time. And when it wasn’t that, my expectations weren’t meant, and I hated the movie. But, next time I saw the movie my expectations were much lower, so it over delivered, and I liked it. If you’re still with me, then there’s a good chance you’re sober.

So what the hell am I talking about?

Good question.

See, my expectations for Lula Café were always high. Every time someone mentioned it they talked about it with the highest regard. Organic ingredients from local farms. A menu that changed every week based on what was in season. Great food. I never heard a bad thing about the place. Lula Café was over promising. But guess what? They over delivered.

The first time I went was right after I moved to the area. I expected great food because of what everyone told me. And with the endorsements it was getting, the expectation was pretty high. In fact, I was half expecting the expectation to be too high and just dismiss the place as a bunch of hippies serving cardboard. Boy was I wrong.

Lula Café couldn’t have been any better. For a guy like me who loves some meat and potatoes and Big Macs and Mac and Cheese, reading the menu is a pretty big scare to begin with. Everything has a combination of ingredients that I would never eat on their own, let alone mixed together to create some dish. But every bite is just mouth-watering. There is no other way to explain it. All the different flavors just create this perfect explosion in your mouth (sounds like prom night. And, unfortunately, not my prom night. Then again, if something exploded in my mouth on prom night then that would be unfortunate. Forget what I said. The point is the Lula Café explosion in your mouth is the good kind of explosion, whether you’re a guy or girl.). Anywho, that first meal I had a pasta dish that was made with cinnamon. I was with a group of 5 people, and I probably had the worst thing on menu. And it was still better than most things you’ll get at any other restaurant in the city.

So after that first time, Lula Café was on my “must visit as often as possible list”. The next time I went I now knew how good it was. If I was expecting an 8 the first time, Lula gave me a 9. This time I went in expecting a 9, and it gave me a 10. I fell in love with their brunch. The next time I went I expected a 10. And guess what, they gave me a 15 (the best biscuits and gravy I can ever remember. And some collard greens that made me finish in my pants.). I went this past weekend with some friends who were in from out of town and couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into a 15, and they served me an 18 (eggs Florentine with striped sea bass, served with arugula on sesame crosstini with a sauce that was so good it can’t even be described). I don’t know how they do it, but it gets better every time. And every time I’m not sure how they can get any better, and yet they do.

And not only that, but they’ve actually opened my eyes to more types of food. While I try to be adventurous as much as possible, I also tend to stick to the basics, or the things I understand. For example, Lula has a breakfast burrito on the menu, which is what I would normally get instead of trying the “fancy” stuff on the ever-changing menu. But Lula is soooo good, that every time I go there I try to get something different while making sure I order something I normally wouldn’t get. Something that might normally “scare” me (seriously, how often in my life would I ever order something with arugula?).

And if all that wasn’t enough, my buddy Geoff also makes a great point: “The lay-tees love Lula Cafe.” True.

I could elaborate on all the different meals I’ve had there, getting into the flavors and all that stuff, but this is one of those places where it’s just better for you to go and experience it for yourself.

I could go on all day about it. But instead I’ll just leave it at half handshake, half chest-bump hug. And I mean a HUGE half handshake, half chest-bump hug. I mean it’s borderline HJ. A couple more trips and I just might not have any choice but to officially give it the HJ.

Of course now I’ve set your expectations so high that you’ll be disappointed, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take.


Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.