Quartino

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Quartino
Location: 626 N. State St.


Maybe it’s because I was the middle child. Maybe it’s because I had a brother who was only a year younger. Maybe it’s because I’m a selfish bastard. But the fact remains – I hate sharing. When I was a kid my brother and I refused to share toys. On Christmas or a birthday, after we opened our gifts, if he tried to play with my toy or vice versa, there was bound to be a Battle Royal, where I was Andre the Giant and he was Jimmy Snuka. Unfortunately our mother was Hulk Hogan and would eventually beat us both down. Then she would play with our toys.

So why do I keep going to these restaurants that “encourage” you to order a bunch of plates and share the food? Because my wife makes me. And I’m OK with that.

So, we went and checked out one of the newest hot spots located in River North – Quartino. The Q (I encourage everyone to start calling it this) isn’t really a tapas restaurant, but more of a family-style Italian restaurant. It’s one of those places where you can order a plate for yourself (if you’re a selfish prick), or order a plate and everyone at the table can have a taste. In fact, this is encouraged. By “encouraged”, I mean the waitress said, “You CAN order plates for yourself, but you really should just order a bunch of stuff and share it. Think of it as wife swapping, but with food.” She sold me.

You may be asking yourself, (I seriously doubt it, but who knows?) “What does Quartino mean?” Well, it’s a carafe that holds a quarter of a liter of wine. And I have nothing else to say about that.

To start off dinner, we (me, my wife, Matt, and Allison) ordered some wine. The girls ordered some red wine, but Matt and I opted for something lighter. The waitress recommended the Harry’s American Bar Classic, which was a sparkling wine with white peach puree. She said it tasted like summer. I asked her if she meant Summer Sanders. Needless to say, she didn’t laugh. Regardless, we ordered it. When it came, it wasn’t quite what we were expecting. I think we both thought it was a sparkling wine with like a peach infusion or something. But, it was just a Mimosa with peach juice instead of orange juice. I guess I should have known. The drink was located in the Bellini section, which roughly translates to “cute”. Of course I got a “D” in Italian, so it could mean something entirely different. The point is Matt and I looked like a couple of Nelly’s sharing a carafe of this stuff. Then again, I’m the same guy who cries during Armageddon, so maybe the drink is fitting. The only thing missing was a tiny umbrella.

Before you even get to the big menu, they hand you a little menu of meats and cheeses. You order it the same way you do sushi at some places, where you just mark the meat(s) or cheese(s) you want, along with the QTY (that means quantity). Then they bring out a tray filled with the stuffed you marked. It was all very good, but the one that stuck out in my head was the duck prosciutto. Get it. I insist.

Now came the hard part – ordering dinner. Again, when you’re food swapping, it’s not just about what you want. You have to consider what everyone else wants. Because if you’re the only one who wants a steak (for example) you can’t really get it because you look selfish and you’re “wasting” that plate of food because it’s something that isn’t being shared. And you wonder why I hate tapas-style restaurants.

So, here’s what we got:

Ravioli ($7): It was filled with braised pork, speck, and fava beans. I think this was the winner of the night. A terrific dish. I couldn’t get enough of it. Literally. Again, I hate sharing food.

Polenta Fries ($6): They were fried. What more do I have to say? I’d get them again.

Veal Meatballs ($6): I said “balls”. Anyway, these were great. Matt and I had a mini fight over who got to finish them off. I lost. But I was distracted by the…

Braised Lamb Shank ($12): Not as good as the meatballs, but the meat just fell off the bone. Always a good sign.

Margherita Pizza ($10): Surprisingly good. But then again, they call themselves a “Ristorante. Pizzeria. Wine Bar.” so I shouldn’t be that surprised. It was so good, in fact, that I almost ordered another one. But then my wife gave me “that look”.

I felt full at this point, and I’m not sure why, since we didn’t order that much food. Oh, wait; I ate three loaves of bread before we ever ordered. Maybe that’s why.

But, that didn’t stop me from ordering dessert. And I’m glad I did. Then again, have I ever complained about a dessert? Keep that in mind. We got the banana split ice cream sundae thing, and the Nutella Panino. I was just on the website, and they don’t have the banana thing anymore, but now have an apple thing. The banana thing was good, and the apple thing looks like the same thing except with apples instead of bananas. So, maybe I actually just got the apple thing but forgot. You know what? I did get the apple thing. There was no banana thing. Who cares? Either way it was good. You’ll be happy. But it doesn’t really matter, because the Nutella Panino was where it’s at. I would honestly consider ordering this as part of my meal next time, and not wait until dessert. But I’m fat.

But the best part of the night? My wife decided to “name drop” to the waitress, letting her know that I write a restaurant review blog that “tons” of people read. “Born to Fork. Maybe you’ve heard of it?” (Shockingly, she hadn’t.) So, the waitress (I think her name was Awesome) brought out a Sgroppino, free of charge. Sgroppino is lemon gelato, lemon vodka, and prosecco. It really wasn’t that great, but it was free, so I drank/ate the whole thing by myself. The problem with it was that it was a little too strong. It was basically a milkshake with alcohol. It would have been much better as gelato with a hint of booze, instead of booze with a hint of gelato. But it was free. Don’t know if I told you that yet.

Before I give a final rating, I just want to apologize for the amount of “quotes” used in this review. I was trying to set some sort of record, and I think I did. Without further ado:

I keep going back and forth between a fist bump with a manly ass slap to a solid chest bump, so let’s just call it somewhere in between there. I think Matt put it best when he said, “I definitely would come back here, if it weren’t for the thousand other places in the city I want to try.”


Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.

Bravo Tapas

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Bravo Tapas
Location: 2047 W. Division


If you know me, or if you’re either of the two people who happen to read these reviews, then you know my feelings on tapas. Small plates of food that you’re supposed to share with other people and at the end of the night you end up paying a ton of money for an empty stomach and then have to go out of your way to Taco and Burrito No. 4 just so you don’t go to bed hungry. No thanks. And I think I get the concept. It’s supposed to be a group activity where you share some food and laughs and get to sample everything. The problem is that each plate has so little on it that either not everyone gets a taste or you just get a small sample when what you really want is to eat the whole plate. So you get the waiter’s attention, order another plate, and when it comes everyone sticks their fork in it and all you get is one more bite so you sit back in your chair and sulk for the rest of the night. But maybe that’s just me.

Well, Wicker Park has had a flurry of tapas restaurants open up lately. First it was Del Toro. And then People Lounge opened up just a couple of blocks away, and both places seem to be doing really well. So, I was a little surprised when Bravo, another tapas place, opened up in the area. What could this place have that the other two don’t? I had to find out.

Bravo is located on Division, right next to Inn Joy and Small Bar. Perfect location as far as I’m concerned. See, if you head to the heart of the Wicker Park/Bucktown area (North, Damen and Milwaukee) it’s getting too congested. Everything feels cramped and there are just a too many people around. I’ve said it before, but the area really is becoming Lincoln Park West. And if you love Lincoln Park or Lakeview, then you probably love the heart of Wicker Park. But down on Division there is a lot going on, but less people checking it out. There are just enough people around that you feel like you’re in a happenin’ spot (yeah, I just said “happenin’”. I’m 29 going on 53. Awesome.) but just few enough people to make you feel like you know something that the rest of the city doesn’t know. Enjoy it while it lasts. As the Lincoln Parkers and yuppies (and this is coming from a yuppie) move out of their comfort zone and head half a mile south to Division to check it out then it’s going to be the next hot spot where everyone wants to see or be seen. I can’t wait. And it really is funny how many people (mostly Lincoln Park/Lakeview people) I talk to and explain where I live (a little south of Division in Ukrainian Village) and they have this reaction of, “Oh. Is it OK over there? Isn’t it a little rough? I mean, do you feel safe living there?” I’d tell them to find out for themselves, but then again…

Bravo. They have a big outdoor patio right on Division. The best part of living in Chicago is the 12 days a year that it’s nice out and just about every restaurant has a patio and every patio is packed as residents get out to enjoy the weather knowing that it never seems to last long enough. And the patio at Bravo is great. Plenty of tables right on the sidewalk for great people watching. And the night we were there a band was playing live music that filled the streets. Just a great atmosphere for a Thursday night dinner. Of course my friend Dave emailed me the other day and simply said, “Have you been to Bravo? That place looks like douche bag central.” So, either I’m wrong (which is impossible), I’m a douche bag (which is more than likely), or Dave’s an idiot (I plead the 5th). Maybe you should just go and make your own judgments.

Adding to the great atmosphere was great service. Our server stopped by the right amount of times – not too often, but also not invisible. And he couldn’t have been friendlier. Giving menu advice, asking how we were doing, staying to chat for a minute, but never interrupting the conversation, staring at my wife’s boobs, but in a way that I barely noticed. Just perfect service.

But who cares about all that. The only thing that ever really matters is the food. And we ordered a bunch of it. Here’s a quick rundown (and I apologize in advance for the lack of detail here. I was going to write everything down, as I usually do, but on the menu they had a website, so I just figured I’d head to the website for the details about what we ordered. Needless to say, their website isn’t exactly up to speed):


Chicken Empanadas: Three good-sized empanadas to a plate. Pretty tasty. Not nearly as good as Tango Sur’s, but would get them again in the future. Mostly because I’ll always order fried food when available.

Braised Ribs: Another good portion size. Just a pile of ribs served on a plate. More than enough for two people, and probably better suited for four people. Meat came off the bone easily, and the taste was not too bad. Nothing special, but since there was so much, I’m not going to complain.

Goat Cheese Dip with Toasted Garlic Bread: Probably the second best thing we ordered. Such a simple thing – goat cheese surrounded by some tomato sauce. Pile some cheese and sauce on your little piece of garlic bread, stuff into your mouth and enjoy. And I did just that.

Ceviche: My wife hated this. Too much onion. I loved it. Lot’s of flavor, lots of onion, lots of seafood.

Potatoes: The best dish of the night. Just a huge plateful of potatoes with some great hot sauce type seasoning and a little dish of dip to, well, dip the potatoes in. Really, really good stuff. Again, a huge plate.

Calamari: Not great. I’m going to go ahead and say it – if you’re not going to fry your calamari, then please let me know that ahead of time. I wish I could get all the restaurants in all the world to agree to indicate on their menu weather or not the calamari is fried. It makes a huge difference. This stuff wasn’t fried, and it tasted a little burnt. I didn’t love it. And yes, I ate the whole plate.


Here’s a summary of Bravo – decent food, huge portion sizes, great atmosphere, great service, good prices.


I would go back here. It’s kind of man tapas – big portion sizes of OK food (not great by any means), and reasonably priced. We ordered WAY too much food. This is one of those tapas places where you don’t mind sharing your food, which is rare for me.

I’d for sure go back, but I’m only going to give it a high-five with a manly ass slap. Nothing spectacular, but a solid option if you’re nearby.


Got a question? Send it to born2fork@yahoo.com.