Maiz

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



Restaurant: Maiz
Location: 1041 N. California

Let me ask you a couple of questions to try and get a sense of the type of person you are (my answers below):

1. If the moon were a piece of cheese, would you eat it?
2. If you could cut off a body part in order to never work again, how much flesh would you be willing to give up?
3. Chocolate, vanilla, or double chocolate?
4. NBA or NCAA Basketball?
5. Redheads, brunettes, blonds, or anything with a pulse?
6. Do you like corn?
7. Do you like corn when it’s used a bunch of different ways to prepare some kick ass Mexican food you can cram into your mouth for under $8?

Well, if you answered “yes” to the last question, then you’re going to like Maiz. If you answered “yes” to the last two questions, then you’re really going to like Maiz. You see, “maiz” is Spanish for “corn”. I think.

Doesn’t matter, this place is great. They have a surprisingly big menu, but once you spend some time with it, you realize it’s not that big and actually pretty manageable. What they do is offer what I call “headline options”. So, they have quesadillas, or Huaraches (I’m sure I blew the spelling on that one), or fajita tacos, and so on. And under each one they offer like ten filling choices. So, it’s like they have 80 things to choose from, but really, it’s like having eight things to choose from. All you have to do is decide what filling you want, then decide which “headline” you want, or vice versa.

And I’m sure Carlos (the owner) is pretty pumped up I’m describing his menu like this, but whatever. It’s how I was able to manage it, so I’m sharing the secret with you.

Now, I ordered the steak Huarache. Good choice, but not a great choice, and that was my fault. I kind of defaulted to the steak when they have like nine other great choices, like a seasoned pork or marinated chicken. So, the dish was really good, but I think with a filling that was a little more unique, it would have been great. How do I know this? Because my wife ordered the quesadilla with the marinated chicken, and it was Holy Crap good. Seriously, all this thing had was chicken and chihuahua cheese (again, my spelling is embarrassing, though I might have actually spelled that right. Sure, I could open up the dictionary right next to me, but that just shows how lazy I am.), and it was still mouthwatering. I made her switch plates halfway through. It was that good.

I think everything involves corn somehow, and usually it’s just as simple as using handmade corn tortillas. Everything is a traditional Mexican dish and very authentic. The menu even has a little story on where each dish is from. Truly great food. Oh, and the guacamole. Again, Holy Crap good. Might be the best I’ve had in the city. Maybe. And the chips were still warm, fresh out of the fryer, and covered in salt. Each one was like a little fried triangle of heaven.

I will warn you, the place is cash only, so bring money. There isn’t an ATM anywhere in sight, so if you don’t have cash, I hope you don’t have delicate hands cause you’re gonna be washing dishes. But, the menu is really well priced, and just about everything is under $8. And the place has relatively odd hours, as it’s open only from 5-10, Tuesday through Sunday.

This place is a great deal and I see myself visiting here often. A good, old-fashioned Chest Bump.

And the answers to my questions are as follows:

1. I know I would.
2. My left arm, but hopefully it would only take a pinky toe.
3. Double chocolate, with chocolate chips. And some chocolate sauce.
4. NBA
5. I don’t objectify women. But if I did, brunettes. Or blonds. Or redheads.
6. Yes. And porn.
7. Yes.