Thanksgiving Dinner

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



Restaurant: Thanksgiving Dinner with the In-Laws
Locations: Nixa/Ozark/Freemont Hills, Missouri


Well, since I put on 5 lbs over the Thanksgiving break, I thought I would at least write about what it is I was eating in order to pack on the pounds. I spent the holidays in Missouri, just outside Springfield, with my wife’s family. We had the official turkey meal on Thursday right about the time the first quarter of the Lions/Falcons snoozer was over.

Now, just so you know, when it comes to eating my Thanksgiving meal, I like to chow. And the key to chowing is to not fill your belly with a variety of foods, but rather focus all of your energy and calories on the two or three foods you enjoy most. So, that’s what I do. Stuffing and cranberry anything and sweet potatoes and all those other sides take a back seat. I’m a meat and potatoes guy, for the most part. My meal consisted of turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet corn, and rolls. And half an apple pie, but we’ll get to that later.

Let’s talk turkey. My father-in-law, with a nice selection of dark and white meat, prepared this year’s bird. The first time I ever had Thanksgiving with my wife’s family, the turkey was smoked and served cold, which was apparently a south of 44 tradition. Guess what, I don’t like cold turkey. Thankfully, this years fowl was served nice and warm. With a little bit of salt thrown on top I was pretty happy with the outcome. It was juicy enough that I didn’t have to choke down each bite with a roll or spoonful of mashed potatoes. That’s always a good sign. I had seconds, and then thirds of the turkey (and probably ate a third of the turkey). Good stuff. Probably had about seven big slices of it overall. (Quick story here that was funny to me but probably no one else. The defeathered bird was defrosting in the sink, and my niece wanted to go outside and run around, and my father-in-law told her that wasn’t a good idea (it was nighttime and relatively cold). When she asked why, he told her there might be a chicken out there that would get her. Her response was, “Well, maybe I’ll take him inside and show him what we did to his brother.” That made me laugh. She’s five. I’m easily amused. Moving on.)

I did decide to grab a portion of my father-in-law’s sweet corn. I’m not a big vegetable guy, unless it’s a potato and it’s smothered in butter and/or cheese, but this sweet corn is something that he always serves and I can never pass it up. It does a nice job of cleansing the palette before moving on to the potatoes.

Speaking of the mashed potatoes, I don’t even think you can call them that. My brother-in-law knows how much I enjoy the potato portion of my meal, so he made two giant bowls worth. One bowl for the entire family, and the second bowl for me. He used so much butter and cream that by the time he was done preparing them they were like this light and fluffy marshmallowy goodness of potatoes. They weren’t mashed potatoes, they were silk potatoes. And I had three helpings worth, and then had some more for dinner. Probably my favorite part of every Thanksgiving.

Not much to really say about the rolls. They were fine, they were warm, they were great with butter, and I had five of them.

Now, the dessert is really the part I need to focus on. There were a slew of pies to choose from – pumpkin, pecan, and apple, to name a few. Well, being a good American boy, I decided to stick with the apple pie. My wife’s grandmother made it, from scratch (no store bought crusts here), and man oh man it was good. Just sweet and crumbly and juicy and sweet like apple pie should be. Throw it in the microwave to warm it up for 30 seconds, and you were stuffing your face with a slice of heaven. Or in mine case, four slices of heaven. That was half of the pie. I ate half of an apple pie after eating my Thanksgiving meal. And really, isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about?

Final score – chest bump all the way.