Thanksgiving Dinner

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



Restaurant: Thanksgiving Dinner with the In-Laws
Locations: Nixa/Ozark/Freemont Hills, Missouri


Well, since I put on 5 lbs over the Thanksgiving break, I thought I would at least write about what it is I was eating in order to pack on the pounds. I spent the holidays in Missouri, just outside Springfield, with my wife’s family. We had the official turkey meal on Thursday right about the time the first quarter of the Lions/Falcons snoozer was over.

Now, just so you know, when it comes to eating my Thanksgiving meal, I like to chow. And the key to chowing is to not fill your belly with a variety of foods, but rather focus all of your energy and calories on the two or three foods you enjoy most. So, that’s what I do. Stuffing and cranberry anything and sweet potatoes and all those other sides take a back seat. I’m a meat and potatoes guy, for the most part. My meal consisted of turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet corn, and rolls. And half an apple pie, but we’ll get to that later.

Let’s talk turkey. My father-in-law, with a nice selection of dark and white meat, prepared this year’s bird. The first time I ever had Thanksgiving with my wife’s family, the turkey was smoked and served cold, which was apparently a south of 44 tradition. Guess what, I don’t like cold turkey. Thankfully, this years fowl was served nice and warm. With a little bit of salt thrown on top I was pretty happy with the outcome. It was juicy enough that I didn’t have to choke down each bite with a roll or spoonful of mashed potatoes. That’s always a good sign. I had seconds, and then thirds of the turkey (and probably ate a third of the turkey). Good stuff. Probably had about seven big slices of it overall. (Quick story here that was funny to me but probably no one else. The defeathered bird was defrosting in the sink, and my niece wanted to go outside and run around, and my father-in-law told her that wasn’t a good idea (it was nighttime and relatively cold). When she asked why, he told her there might be a chicken out there that would get her. Her response was, “Well, maybe I’ll take him inside and show him what we did to his brother.” That made me laugh. She’s five. I’m easily amused. Moving on.)

I did decide to grab a portion of my father-in-law’s sweet corn. I’m not a big vegetable guy, unless it’s a potato and it’s smothered in butter and/or cheese, but this sweet corn is something that he always serves and I can never pass it up. It does a nice job of cleansing the palette before moving on to the potatoes.

Speaking of the mashed potatoes, I don’t even think you can call them that. My brother-in-law knows how much I enjoy the potato portion of my meal, so he made two giant bowls worth. One bowl for the entire family, and the second bowl for me. He used so much butter and cream that by the time he was done preparing them they were like this light and fluffy marshmallowy goodness of potatoes. They weren’t mashed potatoes, they were silk potatoes. And I had three helpings worth, and then had some more for dinner. Probably my favorite part of every Thanksgiving.

Not much to really say about the rolls. They were fine, they were warm, they were great with butter, and I had five of them.

Now, the dessert is really the part I need to focus on. There were a slew of pies to choose from – pumpkin, pecan, and apple, to name a few. Well, being a good American boy, I decided to stick with the apple pie. My wife’s grandmother made it, from scratch (no store bought crusts here), and man oh man it was good. Just sweet and crumbly and juicy and sweet like apple pie should be. Throw it in the microwave to warm it up for 30 seconds, and you were stuffing your face with a slice of heaven. Or in mine case, four slices of heaven. That was half of the pie. I ate half of an apple pie after eating my Thanksgiving meal. And really, isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about?

Final score – chest bump all the way.

Hot Chocolate

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



Restaurant: Hot Chocolate
Locations: 1747 N. Damen


Based on the name alone, I should give this place a perfect rating. I love chocolate. I love hot chocolate. So it should come as no surprise that I love this place.

I’ve been several times, and every time the menu is a little bit different with new choices to enjoy. And don’t get confused by the name. The place has much more than just hot chocolate. You can choose from dinner entrees, appetizers, cheese menus, wine menus, and, of course, dessert. Plus, word on the street is that their brunch on the weekends is fantastic (but I’ve never been).

Let me start with the milkshakes. Wow. Honestly, maybe the best milkshake I’ve ever had. My only complaint would be that they aren’t big enough. But, they have a bunch of flavors to choose from, so whatever you’re in the mood for you can get it. Except mint. I’m pretty sure they don’t have that, and usually, that’s what I’m in the mood for. So I usually have to settle for chocolate and maybe a banana. And I don’t mean one or the other, I order both. When they first opened up, they used to do milkshake flights. Just like wine flights, but with milkshakes. You got a small little sample of all their flavors. Easily the best idea ever.

And if you think the milkshakes are good, then try the hot chocolate. Remember in Seinfeld when George ate the papaya and said, “I think it moved.” Well, when I drank the hot chocolate I think it moved. I usually get the dark chocolate (that’s right, they have like six different hot chocolates to choose from), which is so rich it’s almost impossible to finish. Almost.

Naturally, the real winner here is the dessert menu. They have something for everybody, whether it’s a chocolate dish, a fruit dish, or brioche (just a fancy name for donut holes). And really, I think they’re all good. I usually order two of them. But, I’m a fatty. The last time I went they had this dessert called “Apples”, which was an apple pie potpie topped with cinnamon ice cream. I think it moved. I’ve also tried the brioche, which are fantastic. My wife usually gets something called “Chocolate”, which is Snickers inspired. And as far as I’m concerned, you can’t go wrong with anything that is Snickers inspired. Really, I can’t think of a dessert that has ever disappointed me.

And the entrees, though limited to usually five choices or so, are also great. Now, I’ve never wasted the calories on them, but my sister and wife both have, and they LOVED what they got. So, Hot Chocolate is even a place you can go for dinner, not just dessert.

I liked this place so much I sent my parents there for dessert when they were down in the city one night. I asked my dad if he liked the milkshakes. “They’re $5.” Apparently he thought that was expensive. Then I wondered if he tried one of the hot chocolates. “They’re $5.” That meant “no”. So, I took one last shot and asked him if he at least enjoyed the desserts. “Yeah. Even though they were $10.”

So, be warned, the prices are a little high, but as far as I’m concerned, well worth it. I’ve never walked out of there without spending $50, and that’s just for dessert.

And you know what, they have chocolate beer. How can you not like a place that has chocolate beer?

So, in conclusion, I’ll give Hot Chocolate a fist bump with a manly ass slap.

Cuatro

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



Restaurant: Cuatro
Locations: 2030 S. Wabash


There are some things I’m a sucker for. Like kids singing the chorus in a rap song, good butter, chocolate covered chocolate mixed with chocolate, good food, and BYOB restaurants. Well, Cuatro delivers on the last two, and delivers in a big way.

But, before I get too deep into this, realize that this will only be BYO for the next couple of months as they wait for their liquor license. So, get there now and enjoy your own bottle of wine or moonshine, if that’s your thing.

Cuatro is located in the South Loop, although it’s far enough south that I wouldn’t call it South Loop, but maybe south of the South Loop area. Either way, it’s nice to get to a different part of the city, rather than depending on all the spots convenient to home. I don’t think people venture to the different parts of the city enough, but believe me, the food here is good enough that you’ll want to make the trip more than once.

We started off our meal with four appetizers for four people. Seemed like a lot, but actually ended up being the right amount. I’d recommend an appetizer per person and sharing (the apps aren’t that big). We had a tamale-type thing (excellent), a vegetarian ceviche (surprisingly good), an empanada (not as good as Tango Sur’s, but still pretty tasty), and some other meat and cheese stuffed thing that was just OK. A pretty good start to what ended up being a really, really good meal.

I actually decided to order a salad, because one of the other people in our group ordered the pork chop (which takes 30 minutes to make), so I figured I’d need filler in between the apps and entrees. And I made a good choice. I got the ensalada caribe, which is lettuce topped with pineapples, oranges, cucumbers, and something else sweet. Then the whole thing is covered with a vinaigrette type of dressing, and it was awesome. The perfect blend of sweet and bitter. For a guy who isn’t big on salad, I’m big on this one.

But the entrees were the real story here. They range anywhere from 16-25 dollars, which I thought might be a little high, but now I know why they were priced that way. They are HUGE. I’m not a big “let everyone have a taste of your entrée” kind of guy. See, when I order something, it’s because that’s what I’m in the mood for. So when I have to give some of it up, I’m not happy. Because if I wanted to eat what someone else ordered, then I would have ordered that. But at Cuatro, not only did I not mind sharing, liked it. And it’s because the portions are so ginormous that you can give half of yours away and still have more than enough to eat. Here are the four entrees we had, from worst to first.

4 – a 14 oz. New York Strip with a twice-baked potato. Nothing special. Was cooked right, was the size of a cow, but didn’t have a distinctive flavor or anything.

3 – a cheese-stuffed chicken breast. Really good. The cheese and spices gave the chicken a great flavor. It may have been a tad dry, but I’m not sure. My mouth was watering so bad the entire time it’s tough to tell what was juicy and what was dry.

2 – a braised rib. I ordered this. It was gigantic like the Titanic, and I sank it with my belly. I was very happy I ordered it. Juicy and flavorful, but not too powerful, and filling, but not make-you-sick-cause-you-ate-too-much filling. Good stuff.

1 – the pork shop. The cream of the crop. It takes 30 minutes to make, which should tell you all you need to know. And it’s worth the wait. And it’s HUGE (have I mentioned how big the portions are?). And it had this sugarcane rub crust thing. Uh, just the best. It was so juicy, and sweet, and a little spice, and good, and I wanted to eat the whole thing off the guy’s plate. It gave me fork envy.

And I really liked the atmosphere here. A very diverse group of patrons, relaxed vibe, good music, comfortable corner booth (I felt like I was at prom), and great service. I mean really great service. The server was super friendly, giving great advice and recommendations. And the bus boys/girls cleared plates and forks and knives and brought you more forks and knives (so your dirty ones don’t have to sit on the table like most places make you do). They just really made the whole experience enjoyable.

So, if you’re looking for some really good Latin American and Caribbean foods to spice up your night, journey down south to Cuatro at 2030 S. Wabash (that sounded like something Alpana Singh would say at the end of Check, Please! God help me.).

Final rating: Chest bump and a manly ass slap. I’d definitely go back.

Coast

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star


Restaurant: Coast
Locations: 2045 N. Damen


With all due respect to Rob Gordon, Dick, and Barry, here are my Top 5 Reasons Why I Used To Not Like Sushi:

5. It’s just not enough food. No matter how much of it you eat, you never quite feel full. And an hour later you’re ordering a large pizza or finding the nearest burrito stand. Or both.
4. Chopsticks are hard to use.
3. The first time I ever ate sushi, at some place in St. Louis, I got sick.
2. The second time I ate sushi, I got sick.
1. The third time I ate sushi, I was in LA recording some radio spots, and we wanted to order pizza, but my boss insisted on sushi. I ate it. I got sick.

But the times have changed for me. I’ve actually grown to like sushi, and I think it’s mostly because I’ve finally learned what to order. I know what I’ll like and what I won’t like, and I try not to adventure to far from those things.

So, what I usually like is something spicy. The hotter the better. If it’s spicy enough that I forget I’m eating raw fish, that’s a good thing. And stick with the rolls, or maki, or whatever it’s called. My wife one time made me eat the slabs of raw fish. Then I ended up eating the bottom of the toilet bowl. So, spicy rolls, that’s the ticket for me.

At Coast we ended up ordering four different rolls. My wife got the Fresh Philly, which she must have liked because she ate five of the six pieces. I took a pass. Not a big salmon fan. We shared an order of the Ceviche, which wasn’t bad. It had fish (I think crab) and jalapeño, and some lime, and it was good. The first piece was a little dry, but I think that was a fluke. The Ceviche roll had a very subtle flavor. Very light. So, if you like your food with lots of spices or some taste that overpowers you, then don’t order this. I actually liked its simplicity (which I usually don’t, since I’m big into a lot of flavor).

Let’s see, we also ordered the Crunchy Spicy Tuna. Which was tuna that was spicy, with a little bit of a crunchy layer on the outside. It was really good. The crunch adds a little bit of sweetness to the spicy tuna, which was a nice contrast. I ate four of the six pieces. Yeah, I guess I liked it.

But the best of the bunch was the White Dragon. It’s shrimp and cream cheese and other stuff, and topped with mayo or something. It is incredibly rich, and amazingly good. We ended up having a chopstick fight to see who got to eat the majority of the pieces. As an example of how good it is, my wife took a piece of the Fresh Philly and dipped it in the White Dragon special sauce (which sounds like a porno, I know) that had dripped onto the plate. That’s how good this thing was. You wanted everything you ate to taste like it. It was this great combination of sweet and spicy and thick and rich. If I went back, I’d probably order at least two of these. And that would just be as an appetizer.

Coast is also a BYOB, which I’m always a big fan of. And if you order $15 worth of food per person, there is no corkage fee. So, dinner was $45 after tax and tip, which wasn’t too bad. And the service was great, and I loved the atmosphere. They used to only take reservations for parties of six or more, but I think they have changed their policy. I’d call ahead and find out for sure, because we went on a Tuesday night at about 8:45 and the place was still pretty packed. But now I know why.

So, my wife said she loved this place and not to “give my Coast a bad review”, so I don’t really have a choice here (although I really liked it).

Probably my second favorite sushi place in the city (next to Bob San, not that I’ve tried that many). Chest bump.