Ruth's Chris Steakhouse

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse
Location: Every major metropolitan area in the United States, Mexico, Puerto Rico, and around the world.



I was in the Whale’s Vagina last week (that’s San Diego, in case you didn’t know. And if you didn’t, then you’re a poor excuse for a human being.) for work, and after a long day of meetings we were looking for someplace to eat. Unfortunately we weren’t staying in the heart of San Diego, but more like the ‘burbs of San Diego (near Del Mar). It’s a beautiful area, and I’m sure everyone there loves living in the Chesterfield/Naperville of southern Cal. That being said, your choices become a little more limited when staying in the ‘burbs versus in the city. So, after spending 10 minutes talking to the concierge for a dinner reco, we ended up just going the two blocks down to Ruth’s Chris.

Have you ever noticed that concierges never give you good recos? They always just tell you the places they think you’ll like because you’re a visitor/tourist, rather than just tell you the really good, insider places that said city has. If you want a good reco, you have to corner a waitress or local and get the real scoop. So annoying. I mean this guy was mentioning Ruth’s Chris as if we’d never heard of it before and it was the greatest steakhouse in the greater Saint Diego region. Quick question: when I say “so annoying” did I sound like a 14 year old girl or am I crazy?

Anywho, Ruth’s became the choice because we were tired of listening to the concierge talk, it was easy/close, and I’d actually never been (because I hate chain sit-down restaurants, and with roughly 1 billion Ruth’s Chris joints around the globe, it’s definitely a chain). And steak actually sounded really, really good. And you know what? It was.

Walking in, the place embodied everything I hate. Pretentious, snooty, and cold (and I’m not talking temperature cold, which would have been fine, because we might have seen a waitress or two nipping out). Not to mention the building itself had no character. Ruth’s Chris is a classic example of one of those things that I hate, but that 95% of America loves (kind of like Bud Light commercials). But, the service was pretty good. Friendly hostess, and our waitress was super nice, very attentive (but not annoying), and helpful.

After looking over the menu for a bit, it was clear there was only one choice for me – The Porterhouse for Two, although I demanded it be renamed to The Porterhouse for Two for One. The waitress said it was a 40 oz. cut of meat, which is child’s play, if you ask me. And, quite frankly, it’s an appetizer compared to the 64 oz. Porterhouse I demolished at Chicago Chop House a couple years back. And I might have shied away from the $80 price tag normally, but the choice was made a bit easier once I remembered I was ballin’ on an expense account.

Once I knew what I was going to go with for an entrée, I then had to work backwards to see what else I might want to complement it. I decided not to waste my time with a salad, because they brought out some bread to hold me over. And it was really good. Not that there was anything special about it, other than the fact it was fresh out of the oven (or microwave) and piping hot. Tough to beat warm bread, though the hot buns in Tijuana might have given it a run for it’s money. Especially when it’s smothered in butter (the bread, not the buns. But come to think of it…). And I was able to sneak a bite of Jeff’s Vine Ripe Tomato and Buffalo Mozzarella Salad. Really good.

So, knowing I wasn’t getting an app or a salad, I decided to go with some garlic mashed potatoes for my side item. We actually ordered them for the table, along with some onion rings. I was off fried food for the week, so I had to stick to my guns and didn’t get to sample the o-rings, but they looked f-ing delicious. Lucky for me the mashed potatoes were mouth-watering. Soaked in butter, with just a hint of garlic, they were as smooth as a totally waxed 18 year old (and yes, that’s a good thing).

But you don’t want to hear about side items and salads. You want to hear about the steak. And I’m happy to tell you about it. As I mentioned before, it was a 40 oz. cut of steak. And it was thick. I’m talkin’ Sally Struthers thick. Before they deliver the steak to your table they top it with about a pound of butter to help keep it hot and make it extra juicy. And it works. Not only that, they also cut the steak for you. Granted, the pieces are cut so big they’d choke Linda Lovelace, but it still makes it a little easier. And when it comes down to it, the steak was really good. I can’t emphasize enough how much I hate chain restaurants, but this was still one of the better steaks I’ve had. I liked it better than Chicago Chop House, or Keefer’s, for example. Now, it’s no Citizen Kane’s, but it’s still pretty enjoyable. The secret is the butter, though adding butter to anything makes it taste better, so I’m not sure how big a secret it really is. At one point I had to back away from the table and go for a quick walk to bathroom just to get stuff moving around. And once I did finishing the last couple bites was a snap. I’m not gonna lie, I’m really proud of myself. And incredibly disgusted with myself. But of course I’d do it again in a heartbeat, if my heart still beats after these kinds of meals. Assuming I wasn’t paying for it, of course.


So, reluctantly, I have no choice but to give Ruth’s Chris a chest bump.



And you’ll be happy to know we had a nice little chat with our cocktail waitress back at the hotel bar after dinner, and she was able to give us actual insight into some places to check out next time we’re in from out of town. Needless to say, I’m almost looking forward to going back to the Waukegan of San Diego.

Triumph Grill

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Triumph Bar and Grill
Location: 3419 Olive St.

The last couple Fridays I headed out for lunch – once to celebrate Deni’s birthday, and once for a work meeting. Both times I headed to Triumph Grill, located on Olive next to the Moto Museum and within spitting distance of Slu’s campus.

The interior and theme of the place carries over from the Moto Museum, as most of the art and light fixtures in the place are made of old motorcycle parts. There are even a couple different private rooms that feature old-time motorcycles on display. The atmosphere is really nice, and the place is best described as an upscale bar and grill. Clearly it’s becoming the place for power lunches, because on both visits the restaurant was filled with people in suits discussing work. I was actually surprised that there weren’t more college kids in there grabbing lunch. Now, as a former student who lived off his student charge card, I understand that disposable income for a 20 year old isn’t exactly excessive, but Triumph is right next to the campus, and the food here is pretty reasonably priced. Everything on the menu is under $10 (minus a couple $11 exceptions), unless you go there for dinner and order one of the house specialties ($15 - $25). And for good, upscale bar food, I think that’s a pretty good deal.

Maybe I should teach a college course on how to save money so you can afford to treat yourself once a week to a nice lunch. Here would be some of the lectures in Tight-Ass 101:
- Books – you don’t need them. You can either borrow them from a friend or roommate (like I did), date the smartest girl in the class and steal her notes (like I did), or just steal the books from the bookstore (like I did). For extra credit I would teach the students how to steal books that were just sold back to the bookstore during book-buy-back week, and re-sell them back.
- Use your student charge card for EVERYTHING. I used mine for every meal and bought all my groceries in the c-store on campus. And when my parents asked why my bill was excessive, I just told them that I needed a few extra books for the advance courses I was taking. They almost believed it!
- When in a pinch, you can live off of peanut butter, bread, and milk. Believe me, I did it one time for a month. And when I went to San Diego for a bowl game, I couldn’t afford food after paying for the rental car and hotel, so I just ate peanut butter sandwiches for every meal. Needless to say I was about 40 pounds lighter then.
- Date rich chicks or dudes. Or both.
- GET A JOB! No, seriously. Stop being such a spoiled, lazy d-bag and get off your ass and do some work. Your parents will be so proud of you they won’t even bring up the student charge card fiasco.
- Cash all the savings bonds your grandparents gave you growing up and spend it on speakers you don’t need, cheap beer, and lunch at Triumph Grill. Just don’t tell your parents about it.
- Give plasma. Seriously, you get like $50 for it. And you really don’t need plasma. It’s like your appendix. IT’S TRUE! You can look it up on Wikipedia.
- Dine and dash. I really don’t recommend this, unless the waitress/waiter is a total a-hole and they deserve it.
- Bang a Cougar and steal her purse while she’s sleeping. This is a no-brainer.


Not sure how much of this would fly at a Jesuit School, but you never know. I’ll at least offer it up to them.

Back to Triumph. The place has a real nice variety of items to choose from. Whether it’s apps, soup, salad, or a sandwich, everyone can find something they’ll like on the menu. Here’s what I had there on my two visits:
- AGO’S TUSCAN SALAD – there’s a bunch of different stuff in it, along with a grilled chicken breast on top. The salad was great, and the chicken was cooked perfectly. I could see me ordering this most of the time if/when I go back. It was filling, but not too heavy. And if you order an extra chicken breast you’ll be full until dinner. Which is quite an accomplishment for a salad.
- BLUE CHEESE AND TOMATO BISQUE – this was the soup special the first time I went, and it was really, really good. I don’t like Blue Cheese, but this was one of the times that it really worked for me.
- MILWAUKEE’S FINEST SOFT PRETZELS – if these were Milwaukee’s finest, then it doesn’t say much for that city (not that there’s much to say for that city to begin with). The pretzels were too buttery (I know, coming from me that sounds odd, but they were really greasy), and there was way too much salt for my liking. Plus it didn’t come with a cheese dipping sauce, and I think anything from Milwaukee should have cheese involved somehow.
- TURKEY AND BRIE MELT – this wasn’t too bad. The turkey was nice and thick, so it wasn’t like your typical deli-sliced meat. Added an extra heartiness to the sandwich. But you could barely taste the apples on the sandwich, which was disappointing. The fries were good, although I wish they were just a little hotter when they came out.

The other thing that surprised me a bit is that the place isn’t open that late. It’s got a nice little bar area, so I figured it’d be open late, especially for the college kids. But it closes at 10 during the week, and 11 during the weekend. And if you go for lunch, bring quarters. Parking is available on the street, but the meter maids don’t fudge around. My first visit cost me an extra $10.


Triumph Grill. Good food at a reasonable price with great service. That warrants a chest bump.

Niche

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Niche
Location: 1831 Sidney St.


So at my first job out of college (to protect the innocent, lets just call the place Zebra Island Paradise), we had something that we called Zebra Island Paradise Hot (Z.I.P. Hot for short). It was how we described the women in the office. Now, I know this is going to sound callous and chauvinistic, and quite frankly, you’ll probably just think I’m an a-hole. But so be it, I have a point.

Z.I.P. Hot. What it meant was that the women in the office were hot compared to the other women in the office, but out in the real world, they wouldn’t rate quite as high. For example, let’s say someone at the office was a perfect 10, according to the Z.I.P. Hot scale. Well, that meant that outside the office they were probably more like an 8. Obviously the scale fluctuated based on who worked at Z.I.P. at the time, but you get the idea.

Why do I bring this up and risk tarnishing my incredible reputation and image? Well, I finally figured out the deal with St. Louis restaurants: they’re Z.I.P. Hot. See, in St. Louis these places are considered great, compared to everything else in St. Louis. But if they were in another city, like New York or London or Chicago or Miami, they’d be average. At best.

And that’s exactly how I felt about Niche. It’s Z.I.P. Hot. Considered one of the best restaurants in St. Louis (I think it even won Sauce’s best restaurant last year), it would be just slightly above average elsewhere. And I don’t mean that in a (completely) bad way. It just helps me finally put it all in perspective.

I treated my wife to dinner there for her birthday. I say “I treated” even though I’m paying with “our” money, but it’s the thought that counts.

The good people at Niche were nice enough to put us in the best seat in the house (in my opinion), which is the nice little table that bellies-up to the window that looks out onto the street. And the service throughout the entire night was great. Whether it was the hostess, manager, our waitress, or other servers who happen to just deliver our food, everyone was extremely nice and friendly and helpful and everything you’d want in a restaurant experience. You really couldn’t ask for much more in that department.

To start things off we got a bottle of wine. Nothing too expensive ($38), but it was really, really good. We also got an order of Dia’s Cheese Bread. These are basically little balls of bread with a cheesy flavor to them. Add the butter that comes with it and they’re delicious. The problem is that it wasn’t a huge serving or anything, and they charged you $4 for the order. Not that I’m trying to sound cheap, but this bread wasn’t so good that it was worth $4, especially when you consider that most places offer bread for free.

Next up I got the Celery Root Soup, which had chorizo, crispy potato, and blood orange. It sounded really good and tasted even better. You could mostly taste potato with a hint of the salty goodness of the chorizo. Just a really nice, well-balanced dish. Amy went with the three-course special, which allows you to order an appetizer (with some/several exceptions), a main course (with an exception or two), and a dessert (again, choices a little limited). It really is a nice option, especially at $35. Amy basically ordered everything she was going to order anyway, but this way she was able to get the dessert for free. Something to keep in mind if you go. So for the starter she got the Mixed Greens Salad. On the menu it’s $9, and when it comes out it looks really nice with a great presentation. But it tastes EXACTLY like the mixed green salad at Piece. And that’s not a bad thing, because the salad at Piece is probably my favorite salad in the world (restraining from several jokes right now), but the salad at Piece is also $9, and it feed about 100 people. I just don’t think it says much for an upscale restaurant when their salad tastes just like the salad from a pizza place, and it costs the same, and there’s less of it.

Next up on the menu? The Pork Duo for me, and the Local Trout for Amy. The Pork Duo had braised pork shank, and pork belly, along with a side of apples, some potatoes, and swiss chard. The chard was nasty, as were the apples. But the potatoes were pretty tasty, and both cuts of pork were fantastic. The pork belly was probably my favorite. Can you guess why? Correct! It’s bacon, except thicker. The shank was fine, but basically tasted like a good pulled pork sandwich. Amy’s Trout came with a bunch of side items as well. The greens were also terrible, but the white bean puree was a nice touch. The trout was just OK. You had to eat each bite with the skin to get any sort of flavor. If you just ate the meat it tasted like nothing. I think Amy described her entire meal as “fine”. Not a ringing endorsement. We also had a side of Polenta, which I thought was really good. It was pureed, and had goat cheese and honey. I liked it better than any of the sides that came with my meal.

For dessert Amy got the Liquid Chocolate Cake with ice cream, and it was really good. But then again I don’t think I’ve ever had one of those liquid chocolate cakes (lava cakes, as some places call it) that was bad, no matter where I got it. It might be the one dessert that you can’t screw up, because I’ve never found a place that has screwed it up. I got the Apple Crisp, which was OK (Amy liked it better than me).

A Cappuccino to finish things off and we were all set. Until the bill came. $137.70. With tip you’re looking at a cool $165 and change. Yikes. I really don’t mind spending money on food (there are 100+ posts to prove it), but this meal wasn’t worth close to that kind of money. The last time Amy and I went to Sola in Chicago (I bring it up only because the atmospheres and cuisines are very similar) we spent $155 with tip. So pretty comparable. Except that I walked out of Sola thinking, “That’s one of the best meals I’ve ever eaten. I cant’ wait to go back.” I walked out of Niche thinking, “That wasn’t a bad meal. Not sure I’d go back unless I was expensing it or someone else was paying, but it wasn’t bad.” Big difference.


Fist bump.

But it’s a Z.I.P. Hot chest bump with manly ass slap.

Katie's Pizzeria

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Katie’s Pizzeria Cafe
Location: 6611 Clayton Road


I’ve got big news! Are you sitting down? While watching porn? With a sock nearby? GREAT! Get this: I finally found a restaurant in St. Louis that I LOVE! CAN YOU TELL I’M EXCITED! OR THAT I JUST READ MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE!

But seriously, I found my new favorite St. Louis restaurant, and it’s called Katie’s Pizzeria. I can’t say enough about it (which is probably a bad thing, because then you’ll go and it won’t live up to the unrealistic expectations I’m giving you).

I love the atmosphere. It’s located right on Clayton across from a strip mall, which is the only real knock on it. But once you step inside you feel like you’re transported somewhere far away. Until you look out the window and see the strip mall, then you know exactly where you are, which is at Katie’s Pizzeria. When you do that, turn back around and get re-lost in Katie’s. The place has a great rustic feel to it. I love the fact that every set of table and chairs in the place is different. I could sit in there all day eating pizza and drinking wine.

Which brings me to the fact that they have a decent wine menu, which I also love. How do I know it’s a decent wine menu? I don’t, because I know nothing about wine. But it’s got several to choose from, so I consider that a good thing.

You know what else I love about Katie’s? THE FOOD!

The first time I went they had an appetizer special of fried mozzarella. Fully expecting it to just be fried cheese sticks, I was presently surprised when it wasn’t. Just perfect, fresh mozzarella medallions pan-fried. And they were delicious. Super simple, but super satisfying. And we also got the Gorgonzola & artichoke toasted ravioli. Again, was just expecting typical toasted ravs with a twist, but the pesto dipping sauce put it over the top. Not that I’m a pesto expert, but it was the best pesto I’ve ever had in my life. That could be really impressive, or really sad. I’m not sure which. But I am sure that I loved it. On another visit, Amy’s friend Les got the fried artichoke salad, of which I had a bite, and it was pretty tasty as well.

But the reason I loved Katie’s wasn’t the apps. It was the pizza.

My wife got the shrimp, pesto, cherry tomatoes, and pecorino pizza. I’ve tried shrimp on pizza several times, and every time I do I’m disappointed. It usually just ends up being one of those “shrimp just shouldn’t be on pizza” type of feelings. But not this time. I genuinely liked it. I think the pesto helped, and the shrimp was nice and plump, which was also nice.

But the pizza that made me weak in the knees? Proscuitto, sliced apples, and Brie. Good god. I don’t even know how to describe it other than “perfect”. The perfect balance of saltiness and sweetness and cheesy goodness. Now, it wasn’t the best pizza I’ve ever had in my entire life (maybe top 8), but it was the best one I’ve had in a long time. And both times I’ve ordered it it’s been great.

What I love is that the pizzas at Katie’s are unique, but they don’t try too hard. The ingredients aren’t so complex that they fight against each other, but there are enough of them to add the perfect amount and balance of flavor.

And there’s one more reason I love Katie’s. I was reading some other online reviews for it, and most of them were from right after it opened, and one of the reviews had a comment posted. Here’s a snippet (anything in [parenthesis] is my comment to the poster’s comments):

“The visit to Katie's Pizzeria was the most disappointing and frankly antagonistic restaurant experience I have had in a long time. We waited an hour for pizza, the ONLY entree on the menu [probably why it’s called a “pizzeria”], only to have the waitress try to drop the neighboring table's pizza off on us. She said "oops, the other table had eaten ours". We declined the pizza we didn't order and waited patiently for our pizza, which was ultimately somewhat cold and tasteless. I know these things happen at a new place, but when one person in our party gave constructive feedback to the owner [I can only imagine the tone of this “feedback”], Katie, the response was insulting and defensive, apparently this mix up has NEVER happened at their open-a-week-long restaurant and the person who gave the feedback was given a psychiatric evaluation – something I didn’t know Katie was qualified to give. Admittedly Katie did slam a bottle of wine on our table, but she never apologized or engaged in any kind of conversation. When leaving Katie told us to never come back and to "have a nice drive back to West County." [Reading this caused me to nearly wet my pants, divorce my wife, and propose to Katie] When I told Katie that I lived in the city, I was told "I didn't look like it" [the only thing that would have made this better is if Katie made fun of the ladies mom haircut (assuming she had one)]. By her tone of voice I can tell you that living in West County is the ultimate insult [and let’s be clear, it is, and for good reason (no offense, Doug, if you’re reading this)]. I’m not proud to say that at this point I lost it. So if you want bad pizza, bad service and the ultimate- bad ownership, visit Katie at her Pizzeria. I give them a month at best. You'd think Zoe Robinson would have trained her niece better than this. It was shocking. Maybe Katie should have a reality TV show instead of a restaurant.”


So there you have it. Two totally different opinions on the place. But anytime an owner has that much sass, count me in.


Katie’s Pizzeria – half handshake, half chest-bump hug.
Using the word “love” 9 times in a review – fone and fone.

Pueblo Solis

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars


Restaurant: Pueblo Solis
Location: 5127 Hampton Ave


When my wife and I were living down in South City before moving up to the Chi, we used to go to Pueblo Solis all the time. It was easily our favorite restaurant in the city. Looking back, I think there were a lot of reasons that made it our fav. First and foremost was the food. It’s Mexican, which just happens to be our favorite type of food. And back then we were convinced it was the best Mexican on the planet (yes, even better than Brad and Julia’s Mexican, which brings up another discussion; the other night playing cards a friend of a friend brought up Brad Pitt, and said something to the effect of “For all the hype, Brad Pitt really hasn’t been in that many good movies. Benjamin Button is like the first one.” Everyone was a little too nice about it, because he was a friend of a friend. First off, Button is an enjoyable movie, but by no means is it a great movie. And Brad Pitt was good in it, but the whole time watching it all I could think was “yep, that’s Brad Pitt.” So we pulled up his IMDB page. (Let me also say that I’m not some sort of great Brad Pitt defender, but Dru and I were both rattling off great movies that he was in, and great performances that he’s had, and felt we had to defend his honor. In a totally not gay way.) The list was pretty impressive. We counted 17 enjoyable and watchable movies, 4 all-time great movies (True Romance, Fight Club, Snatch, and Seven), and at least 10 great performances. Not too bad.)

The other reasons we always loved Pueblo were the location (we lived just two blocks away, and it really felt like a great neighborhood spot that we discovered, at least to us), the atmosphere (again, very neighborhoody and welcoming), and the drinks (tasty, and strong).

We hadn’t been since moving back, and a couple of weeks ago we had a sitter (parenthood is awesome), so we decided to head down and see if it really was as good as we remembered it being. And honestly, I was terrified to find out. I had a sneaky (you can call it snobby or elitist) feeling that it wasn’t going to be what I once thought it was. Why? You guessed it, Chicago. After enjoying real Mexican and Latin American food, I was pretty sure we were about to discover that Pueblo was a fraud. I hadn’t been this nervous since the first time I kissed a guy (which was at Mardi Gras, and I was drunk, and it was my birthday, and that’s a story for another time).

The good news is that the location and cozy atmosphere we always loved hadn’t changed. They even added an outdoor patio that’s covered and heated in the winter. The bad news is that St. Louis still allows smoking in bars and restaurants. And the cozy part we love means that the entire place smells like smoke, which sucks. Luckily the margaritas were even better than I remembered. Great tasting and full of alcohol. My only fear now was that we didn’t live two blocks away my wife’s buzz would wear off by the time we got home and I wouldn’t get any action that night.

The bad news is that the food wasn’t as good as I remembered. Well, parts were, and parts weren’t. The fajitas were terrific. Tons of meat, full of flavor, and I’d argue the best fajitas you’re going to find anywhere. Or at least in St. Louis. At the very least, the best on Hampton. They really do hit the spot. The bad parts were the tamales. Just terrible. Dry and flavorless. And we got a chicken something-or-other that was also very mediocre.

In general I came away thinking that Pueblo wasn’t the amazing Mexican restaurant I always made it out to be. But it’s still pretty enjoyable, and there are enough good options on the menu (like chicken OR steak OR shrimp fajitas) to make it worth visiting over and over again. If we still lived in South City, then this would still be a staple for me and my wife. But we don’t, so I see it being a place we head to occasionally to meet friends who still live nearby.


Pueblo Solis - Fist bump with a manly ass slap (it gets the little added bonus for the margaritas)

First dude-kiss – high five