Tears of a clown

I know what you’re thinking; “Oh my god. I feel so bad. Josh passed away and I didn’t even make an effort to attend the wake or the funeral.” Well, don’t feel bad. Because I didn’t die. I just moved to St. Louis (which is pretty much the same thing, I guess). That’s right, a couple of weeks ago (when I started writing this, it was a couple weeks. Now it’s been several weeks.) the wife and I packed up our stuff, loaded up the truck (actually, the movers loaded it up, and not very well, might I add), strapped our son into his car seat, and moved on down to the STL. And so far things have gone really well. A pigeon flew in front of my car and I killed it with my grill on my way out of town (probably the first sign that I shouldn’t have agreed to move). Then our moving truck broke down, except that the moving company never called to tell me that, so on the Friday we were moving I ended up having to get a hotel room for my wife and child while I slept on the carpeted floor of the house we’re renting (BTW, if you’re looking for a single family home in Chicago’s hot Logan Square area, let me know, cause I’ve got a hell of a deal for you), waiting for our furniture. It never came. In the meantime the gas company never came to turn on our gas even though I made an appointment two weeks prior. They said that the owner of the house (our landlord) had an outstanding bill, so they wouldn’t turn on our gas. Except that they never called us to tell us that, so my wife ended up sitting at the house for five hours waiting for the gas man. And it was two more days before I remembered I had a friend who worked for the gas company and he took care of the whole thing. Two days without hot water is no fun. Except for the fact that the water wasn’t working. So we had to wait two hours on Friday for the water company to come out and turn it on. Then when they did we discovered a leak in the toilet, which the landlord told us he had just fixed, so he said it was probably just some left over water in the pipes or something and that if it didn’t go away by the morning we should call him. Of course by the morning the thing was flooding into the living room below. And the basement below that. We had to shut the water off and wait five hours for the plumber to come and fix it. Oh, and we found a dead mouse on the dining room floor that one of our cats killed on Friday night. Still follow? There’s more. The movers still weren’t there on Saturday, so I was on the phone with the cops for three hours trying to track them down and reporting everything stolen (if you’re thinking of using HK Worldwide Moving, think again. As my wife said, “you get what you pay for.”). One cop was very helpful, taking my report, getting cops to go by the place to see if they could get to the bottom of it, and calling me back several times to let me know what was going on. But eventually it was out of his hands. I ended up talking to another cop, and after explaining the entire story to him his response was, “What do you want me to do about it? Buyer beware.” Thanks. Chicago’s finest hard at work. Finally I had my Mom go by the place to see if she could find out what was going on (the cops had already been there and said there was no one around). She started taking pictures of the building, and as she did a guy walked out, so she started taking pictures of him. He walked over to see what she was doing, and invited her in. When she got inside she saw all my stuff off the truck and in the warehouse. Apparently the truck broke down in Joliet, so they had to tow it back to Chicago, get a new truck, and unload the one truck and re-load the new truck. But I didn’t find out about any of this until my Mom went over there and raised hell (getting everyone on the phone to rip them a new one, including the owner who is devoutly Jewish and doesn’t work Saturdays, yet she still made him get on the phone and talk to her. Don’t F with Peggy.). So they were planning on heading back down in the new truck first thing Sunday morning. They got here around noon, and I wasn’t moved in until 6 o’clock. 48 hours after I was supposed to be moved in. In the meantime AT&T came out Saturday morning to set up service but couldn’t get a signal with the dish, so I ended up having to scrap all of my AT&T services (phone, internet, TV) and go with Charter Cable. Except that it was going to take them 8 days to come out and set it up. Here’s what’s fun about going 8 days without TV or internet: NOTHING, Jesus! I think that’s about everything, for the most part. And I just got a speeding ticket on the way back from the grocery store. But other than all that St. Louis is great.

Here are all the things I’m looking forward to while living in St. Louis: …….

Let’s just move on.

I put together a mixtape of songs that will always, for one reason or another, remind me of Chicago. So you can go here to play it and listen while you read the rest of this post:

http://borntofork.muxtape.com/


I’m going to miss Chicago. It’s where I grew up. It’s my hometown. It’s the kind of place that can take something unhealthy (pizza), and make it unhealthier. I wanted to give Chicago one last big bang. A send off. An Ode to Chicago that allowed me to tell you everything I loved about it and all the things I’m going to miss. So without further ado…


THE GOOD LIFE, IT FEEL LIKE…SUMMERTIME CHI, AHH

Kanye had it right. The good life feels like summertime CHI. There’s no better place on earth than Chicago in the summertime. I think a big part of that is the terrible Chi-town winters. The entire city is either stuck inside next to a heater or outside in 12 layers of clothes. So when that thermometer hits 60, the city changes. Eight months of cabin fever change in an instant to a celebration of life. It’s like a different place. A true tale of two cities. The entire population comes out of hiding. People are walking the streets, everyone’s smiling, and every restaurant and bar has sidewalk seating or huge windows that open up and look onto the street. You can’t help but look around and be happy. And it’s because it doesn’t last long. And everyone in Chicago knows it. No one takes it for granted. It really is a special thing to be a part of. I’ve been a lot of places in my life, and I’ve never been anyplace that makes me as happy as Chicago in the summertime (at least anyplace my entire body fits, if you know what I mean). Here are my favorite things about Chicago in the summer:

• Running on the lakefront. When you live in the city you can take it for granted. Always using one of those, “I’ll do that next week.” excuses. Except next week turns into next month turns into never. Kind of like all the great museums. You mean to go, but somehow you never get around to it. Then you move and you regret not going. That’s the lakefront. The thing I love about it is the balance of hectic city and serene nature. On one side of you there’s the city, with loud cars and huge buildings and millions of people hurrying from one place to the next. And on the other side of you there’s the lake. Calm, beautiful, and goes on forever. And the lake path has such great people watching. You can run up and down it and just get lost in the entire experience. And I know I’m not alone. When talking to my friend Steve (who, like me, has lived in Chicago and then moved down to St. Louis), he said the lakefront is one of the things he missed the most. I ran it a lot last summer while training for the deathathon, and I never got tired of it. Now, that’s not to say I didn’t get tired, because I did (one time even taking a cab back home because I was too exhausted to finish the run). But I never got tired of the lakefront. And my favorite view of the city is from the lakefront. On the grassy hill in front of the Planetarium.
• The people enjoying the weather. I can’t say enough about how the entire city comes alive when the weather gets nice. The sidewalks just fill-up with people. There’s something special about people truly appreciating something as simple as good weather.
• Outdoor seating. My favorite time to go out to eat is the summer, and it’s simply because you can sit outside. Day or night, there’s no shortage of places with a patio or open windows or tables set up on the sidewalk. Again, I’ve been enough places to know that the amount of outdoor seating in Chicago is something you don’t find that often. And in Chicago it’s usually not too hot or too cold or too humid or too dry. It’s just right. And people know to take advantage of it. My favorite places for outdoor seating are:
o El Cid (on Kedzie). The back patio is great. You walk through this little passageway and when you come out you feel like you’re in a different city. And the food isn’t all bad either.
o Dunlay’s. I just really like Logan Square.
o Moonshine. The food is very average (that’s being nice), but the people watching is great, the location is great, there’s usually a good balance of sun and shade, and it’s the kind of place you can sit for hours and hours and drink and feel like no time has passed at all.
o Pontiac Café. Maybe my favorite patio in the city. Great location. Great people watching. And the neighborhood has changed so much over the years, but Pontiac hasn’t, which is nice.
o Riverside Café. Very underrated. One of my favorite places to eat in the city. The Sunday buffet is more food than you know what to do with. And the outdoor patio is one of the most comforting places in the city.
o Fonda Del Mar. The patio is great, but it’s on the list because there’s a huge difference between eating inside here and eating outside. The atmosphere changes so dramatically between the two, which makes the patio seem that much nicer.
o Tango Sur. There’s just something about Southport.
o Southport Lanes. See above.
o Cleo’s. The one on Chicago.
o This list could go on forever, so I’ll just stop now.
• Walking around. I’ve been to places that I think are more fun to walk around when the weather is nice (New York, London, Barcelona, Rome, Marseilles, San Francisco), but still, I love just walking around Chicago when it’s nice out. Wandering aimlessly. It’s a great feeling. And those times when you discover something new while veering off the beaten path? Priceless (and gay).
• A day game at Wrigley. Especially if you’re sitting in the bleachers. Just the best place on earth. There is no better place to enjoy a ballgame on the planet. Hot dogs, beer, of-age drunk chicks, and almost of-age drunk chicks. What more could you ask for?
• Rooftop decks. I might miss rooftop decks the most. Not every city has them. But in Chicago, they go hand in hand with condo buildings. It’s tough to find one that hasn’t built some sort of roof deck. Our first place on Damen had one that only we had access to. It was great. Just a 330 degree view of the city (a tree blocked the Sears Tower view, but that’s about it). We would have a party every year on the 4th and just sit up there and watch all the fireworks going off around the city. It was like a war zone. I could (and would) stand up there for hours and just enjoy the whole thing. Long after people left I would stay up there and watch as fireworks went off across the city, becoming fewer and fewer throughout the night, until I’d finally stumble down to bed. I remember the first 4th party we threw up there and having no idea what to expect. And when the fireworks started, people were speechless. This past year I had to enjoy it on Geoff’s rooftop (since we had moved), and had just as good a time (except for the whole having to leave thing). But the best rooftop in the city? Ryan and Jen’s. It’s like a backyard garden you’d find in the suburbs, except it’s got the (second) best views of the city. Of course the drawback to a rooftop deck is when a crazy person climbs your back stairs because you don’t have a gate protecting them, then climbs over the railing to your back deck, then up the stairs to the rooftop, and wakes you up with his clomping around above you so you get up just in time to see him walking down your stairs and as he stops and notices that you’re awake you both freeze and your body goes into flight or fight or crap-your-pants-and-call-the-cops mode and he sees you picking up the phone so he decides to come to the back door that happens to be all glass and looks into your bedroom and he jiggles the handle to see if it’s open and thank god you actually locked it so he jumps back over the railing and down the stairs and gets the hell out of there before the cops show and they never do find him even though they got there in like 8 seconds so now they think you’re lying about the whole thing even though you’re not and you never tell your wife about it because she’ll make you move on the spot so instead you put a gate up at the bottom of the stairs that prevents anyone from doing it again in the future. That’s the downside of rooftop decks.
• Playing outdoor hoops on Wolcott.


A CITY OF ‘HOODS

One of the things that makes Chicago unique is all the different neighborhoods. Each one has it’s own personality. It’s own unique look and feel. And they’re constantly evolving. Changing over time with the people who move in and out of them. Wicker Park is so different than it was ten years ago, and twenty years ago, and fifty years ago, and you get the idea. But no matter how they change, you still know when you leave one neighborhood and enter another one. And I understand that plenty of cities have different neighborhoods that make up the city, but none of them feel so different and unique the way they do in Chicago. Take New York, for example. They’ve got SoHo and Alphabet City and Times Square and Greenwich Village and so on. But no matter where you are, you feel like you’re in New York. Chicago isn’t the same way. You can be in Andersonville or Bucktown or Gold Coast or West Loop or Hyde Park or Wrigleyville or Lincoln Park or on and on. And when you’re in those neighborhoods you kind of get lost in the feel and personality of that neighborhood. You kind of lose sight that you’re in Chicago, because each neighborhood is so different and unique they feel like their own mini-cities. It allows you to experience so many different things (cultures, food, people, stores, robberies, etc…). I’m really going to miss it. Or them.


STARTING THE MORNING OFF RIGHT

I love breakfast. It’s my favorite meal of the day. I never miss it. No matter where I am or what I’m doing I find something to eat. If I don’t eat breakfast I feel like I might die (not that that’s different than any other meal for me). I love so many different breakfast foods that I never get bored. There’s scrambled eggs or eggs-over-easy or eggs benedict or egg sandwiches or pancakes or pumpkin pancakes or banana pancakes or French toast or chocolate French toast or waffles or toast or cereal or breakfast burritos or sausage or bacon or huevos rancheros or oatmeal or… The list goes on forever. And I love them all. And in Chicago breakfast is an event (although it’s really brunch since no one gets up before 10 on the weekends to go out and get it). St. Louis doesn’t have breakfast/brunch places like Chicago, and that is something that will suck. My favorite places for breakfast/brunch in Chicago are:
• Bongo Room. It’s the best. From seasonal pancakes to the leaning tower of chocolate French toast to the breakfast burrito to the eggs benedict to the seasonal pancakes to the leaning tower of French toast to Intellegentsia Coffee, I never get tired of eating here. The waits are forever on the weekend, but they’re worth it.
• Flo. This was the first place in Chicago that the wife and I said, “We’ve got to go there.” We saw it on “Check, Please!” and couldn’t wait to check it out. Turns out we could wait, because it took us like two years to make it down there (even though we only lived blocks away), but it didn’t disappoint. I love their breakfast.
• Toast. I like Toast, don’t love it. But my wife loves it. And it’s a nice alternative if the Bongo Room wait is insane (not that the wait at Toast is much better).
• Hot Spot. Nothing amazing, just good breakfast and a cozy atmosphere.
• Lou Mitchell’s. A classic.
• Lula Café. I love breakfast, lunch, or dinner here. But the breakfast is hard to beat. A rotating seasonal menu, and plenty of variety. And sitting outside is just icing on the cake.
• Dunlay’s On The Square. Surprisingly good bar food, and really good breakfast. Love their egg sandwich. And when you can’t get into Lula it’s a nice option to have.
• Café de Luca. Great atmosphere. Great location. Great food.
• Yolk. Almost too much to choose from. But it’s all good, and you feel right at home. Plus I’m a sucker for the light fixtures.
• Milk and Honey. So good, and even though there isn’t a ton to choose from, it never gets old. And sitting outside on a Saturday or Sunday morning? Nothing beats it. One of my favorite streets in Chicago (even though it’s changing, and I’m not sure I like the direction it’s going). Do yourself a favor and read Nelson Algren’s “The Man With The Golden Arm”. You’ll fall in love with the area all over again.
• Windy City Café. My buddy Dave and I have had a tradition for many, many years. When we were living in St. Louis together back in the day we started something called “Thursday Morning Breakfast.” We would meet every Thursday morning at 7 in the a.m., have coffee and breakfast, and just chat about life. Typically conversation revolved around who Dave was banging, whether or not he had a job, how much I hated my job, and then more details about who he was banging and what positions they were trying while banging. We did it for years. We had a ton of meeting places. Originally it was started at Einstein’s in Clayton, because we both lived nearby, so it was a central meeting location. Then when Dave took a new job we moved to the Einstein’s on Olive, since his office was nearby and I lived across the street. After he “left” that job we started going to the Soulard Coffee House. Eventually I moved to Chicago and Thursday Morning Breakfast was dead. But about two years ago he moved up to Chicago and we got it started back up again. Then I had a kid and it pretty much fizzled out. Proving once again that kids ruin everything. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Windy City Café. Dave and I went there for breakfast a lot. Their breakfast sandwiches are very underrated. I think they’re the best in the city, even though I know they’re not (if that makes sense). Get the ham and egg. You won’t regret it.


CHICAGO-STYLE

I love, and will miss, everything Chicago-Style. From the hot dogs to the pizzas to the softball. People ask me all the time where my favorite place to get a Chicago-style hot dog is, and I honestly don’t have a good answer. America’s Dog is great, but I think their Chicago-style dogs are just OK. I love Tasty Dog, but it isn’t quite a true chi-town dog. And I miss going to Mickey’s, but not enough to go out of my way to get there. Hot Doug’s is good, but it’s a gourmet sausage stand, not a hot dog joint. So, like I said, I don’t have a good answer. When it comes down to it, every hot dog joint is good for their own reasons. So my answer is “anywhere”. My only real criteria are that they have a traditional Chicago-style dog (steamed or boiled hot dog (but I prefer steamed), poppy seed bun, mustard, onion, neon green relish, tomato, pickle spear, sport peppers, and some celery salt) and that the place either feels a little shady/divey (like Max’s Take Out. I don’t like my hot dog joints to be too nice or clean. Or sanitary in any way, shape, or form.), or there is something unique about the place (like Superdawg).

Other favorite Chicago-style things I’ll miss are pizza (the pepperoni and pepperoncini at Bacino’s is my fav), a wet Italian Beef (in the gay, and not gay, way) with giardiniera (Al’s or Bacci are my favorite. Actually, the best was a place downtown on LaSalle and Lake, but it got closed down a couple years ago), the pepper and egg sandwich (I love Fiore’s, even if it does kind of smell like vomit), and softball (16” softball in Grant Park with the view of the skyline is picturesque).


OTHER RANDOM THINGS I’LL MISS

I’m a huge NBA fan, and naturally a life-long Bulls fan. I got season tickets when I first moved back to Chicago with my friend Matt, and then eventually with my buddy Geoff. I’m going to miss Bulls games a lot. When Matt and I first started going it was right when they got good and no one saw it coming. The United Center was rockin’ that year. Every game more and more people started showing up. And by the playoffs the place had regained some of that Jordan-era glory. Then we got killed in the first round. So I had partial season tickets every year after that, and loved going to the games. Even this year, when they were terrible, I still looked forward to it. Mostly for the nachos. And Benny. In fact, me and Geoff’s dream was to watch Benny in a dance-off against one of the McDonald’s rally guys. If I ever got to see that, I could die happy. If it was the plot of Step Up 3, I might finish in my pants. If my son grows up, graduates college, and then tells me he’s decided to make a career of being Benny the Bull, I wouldn’t be the least bit disappointed.

I’ll also miss the 7th inning stretch at Cubs games. It’s a one-of-a-kind experience. There’s something about it that gives me chills every time I’m at the game.

And one of the most underrated things I’ll miss in Chicago is the sunsets. There are days when the sun sets just right, and the vibrant colors reflect off the skyline right back at you. I could sit there and stare at those buildings for hours. Too bad the sunset doesn’t last for hours. But it really is pretty cool. I don’t think too many people think about it because the sun sets in the west (over the ‘burbs), so you just assume the sunset sucks. But you’re wrong. You just have to look to the east to truly appreciate it. And while you’re looking, see if you can find my manhood while you’re at it. Think I just lost it somewhere.


THINGS MY MOUTH AND/OR BELLY WILL MISS

• Stuffed pizza. I already talked about it, so I’ll move on quickly, but I’ve never found anyone who claims to have “Chicago-style pizza” outside of Chicago to actually have good Chicago-Style pizza.
• Bongo Room. You don’t find breakfast places, or any place, like this very often. My belly will miss the pancakes and French toast and breakfast burrito and pretty much everything on the menu.
• The skillet cookie at Dunlay’s on the Square. Maybe the best dessert in the city. I’ve gone there and ordered just the skillet cookie and a Miller High Life. The waitress always gets a kick out of that.
• The garlic butter at Shaw’s. One of the best secrets in the city. Order a side of garlic butter and some extra bread. Dip the bread in the butter and eat it. Rinse and repeat often.
• Miko’s Italian Ice. Perfect in the summer. Loved walking down to the one on Damen when I lived in Uke Town, and loved stopping by the one on Sacremento on the way home from work when I moved to Logan Square. Just refreshing and tasty and perfect.
• The mac and cheese at Hot Chocolate and Handlebar.
• The lamb chops at Sola.
• The pork chops and jalapeno butter at Café 28.
• The white dragon at Coast.
• The steak tacos at Taqueria Moran.
• The Baltimore dog at America’s Dog.
• Your mom.
• The pizza at Piece.
• The margaritas at Matchbox.
• The nachos at the United Center.
• Hot dogs just about anywhere.

I’m not sure where to stop the list, so I’ll just call it quits there. In general, I think my belly will just miss all the options. So much to choose from. So many different types of foods. If you’re in the mood for something, you can find it. That’s one of the great things about Chicago.


GOING OUT WITH A BANG

Knowing I was leaving the city, I had about a month to try and go and do everything that I loved and would miss. Here’s a quick recap of the places I saw, the establishments I visited, and the food I ate in my last month in Chi-city. It’s not in chronological order, not that it would matter if it were.

• America’s Dog. Went here a couple of times, once with co-workers and my buddy Denny, and another time with my wife and my son (it’s never too early for your first hot dog). When I was there the first time the owner came up and asked if we were doing OK, and Katie said, “This guy wrote a week-long review of you guys.” He turned to another guy and said, “Hey, this is the guy who wrote that blog about us for a week.” He had read it (thanks to Steve, who passed along the posts to his girlfriend’s dad who happened to know the owner). It resulted in free hot dogs and meeting Halley’s dad. Not too shabby for a going away lunch.
• May St. Café. One of my favorite places. Located out of the way in Pilsen. Just great, up-scale Latin-inspired food. Went there with Megan and Denny. Megan was smart enough to get pre-made margaritas from a nearby liquor store (perfect for dinner) and we brought some wine. Had another great dinner (although the pear and goat cheese quesadilla’s weren’t quite as good, or filling, as I remember. Maybe an off night or something.). If you haven’t been here, it’s worth the trip.
• Bacino’s. Stuffed pepperoni and pepperoncini. And had enough left over to enjoy the next day.
• Poker night with the old guys. Ever since moving back to Chicago I’ve been playing poker with a group of guys one Friday night every month. I got invited in thanks to Dave B, who works with my mom. The group is a bunch of old guys who’ve been playing once a month for 30+ years. Dave’s dad is in the group, and as they get older they have members who can no longer attend, so I got to fill one of the open spots. It was one of my favorite things to do every month. Just a bunch of good guys, who’ve been friends longer than I’ve been alive, shooting this shit, bustin’ each other’s balls, catching up, and playing cards. I can only hope me and my friends are doing the same thing in 30 years. It really was a great thing to be a part of. Every night we’d order “lunch” at about ten o’clock. For my last lunch with the old guys, I got an Italian beef. Wet, of course. Just as delicious as always. I’m gonna miss giving those guys my money. I think they’re going to miss it was well.
• Piece. Went there when we had to get out of our place for an Open House (if you want to buy a beautiful house in Logan Square, let me know, it’s a steal) and were joined by Denny, Megan, and Dave. Got the banana pepper and pepperoni pizza. Soooooooooo good. Then went across the street and bought a new pair of shoes at Akira. I think that got me to an even 30 pairs in my closet. I have a problem.
• Bongo Room with Amy and my son. Got the chocolate carrot cake pancakes. I wonder if I can convince Bongo Room to open up in St. Louis.
• The Cubs game with Dave. Went on a perfect night, where it seemed like Spring was going to be here for good. Started in the last row of the stadium, and eventually moved down to where some of Dave’s co-workers were sitting on the first baseline. I had 3 hot dogs, nachos, and beer. When you’re getting a dog at Wrigley you have 3 choices – the stand down on the concourse where you get the good grilled onions, the normal food stands and hot dog guy walking around with Ballpark Franks, or the food stands and hot dog guys walking around with Best Kosher hot dogs. The best is the grilled onion stand, but a close second is the hot dog guy walking around with the Best Kosher dogs. They are the best. Just a hot dog wrapped in a bun that’s been slowly steaming and affixing itself to the hot dog while being wrapped in pseudo foil and stored in the hot dog bin around the guys neck. It doesn’t need any condiments. Just unwrap and enjoy. Makes my mouth water just thinking about it. Of course on this night I didn’t get any of those. Could only find the Ballpark Frank guy. Oh well, still enjoyable. And the Cubs won. And after the game the weather was so nice Dave and I walked home. From Wrigley. He lives in Bucktown and I live in Logan Square. It was perfect, and the walk was great. We even stopped a cab, almost got in, and then decided, “it’s too nice out to take a cab”. Good decision. We stopped at Wrightwood Tap along the way for a pitcher of beer and some live music. One of those perfect Chicago nights.
• The Cubs game with Geoff. This game was about a week after the game with Dave, but the results were totally different. The weather was terrible (freezing cold) and the Cubs lost. On the plus side, I got good hot dogs all night (3 total), and some good nachos. And plenty of beer. And we went to the game with Geoff’s co-worker, who brought his friend. And after talking for a while, we discovered that this guy had the best job in the entire world (well, one of the best). He was a professional gamer. Yeah, that’s right. He plays video games for a living. He doesn’t test them. He doesn’t design them or think of them. He simply plays them and wins money for doing so. He quit a “real job” to do this. And his wife let him. So, not only does he have a great job, but he’s also apparently married to the coolest chick in the world. The Cubs were losing so bad (thanks Marquis) that we were going to leave after the 7th inning stretch. But then James Van Der Beek sang “Take Me Out To The Ballgame.” I had my second wind. Dawson. Mox. The only thing that could have made me happier is if after singing the stretch he would have shouted out, “I DON’T WANT YOUR LIFE!” I couldn’t think of a better “celeb” for my last Cubs game as an official Chicagoan. We moved down from our seats (high up on the 3rd base line) because no one was left at the game at that point. Just too cold and the Cubs playing too bad. And after passing up 13 empty rows (no joke) we sat down in a completely empty row, and the usher turned around, looked at us, and said, “Go back to your seats boys.” After laughing, we realized he was serious. We pointed out that there was NO ONE around, and that we didn’t think anyone would mind. He said, “Go back to your seats, or I’ll have security send you home.” What an a-hole. We moved back like 4 rows and he didn’t say a word. But a move like that makes me never want to go to a Cubs game again. What a joke. I really hope Mark Cuban buys the Cubs. Of course us moving resulted in a foul ball being hit directly at us, and it hitting Geoff in the hands (gloves), bouncing behind us as there was a “mad” scramble for the ball, then realizing it was slowly rolling by my feet. Too late. The guy in front of me picked it up. So close. Would have been a nice “thanks-for-the-memories, Chicago” souvenir. But I’ll settle for the opportunity to make fun of Geoff for the rest of his life.
• Vella Café. My last breakfast with Dave. Would have been more emotional but he had to cut out early to check some plumbing in his place. Thank god he lives across the street otherwise Vella would be out of business due to health code violations.
• Jane’s. Went for Easter brunch with the fam. Love Jane’s. One of my favorite atmospheres, especially for a date. Just cute and quant. If you want to get laid, think about taking your girl to Jane’s. Maybe that should be their ad campaign – “Janes’ - from Easter brunch to getting laid.”
• Milk and Honey. Went there for brunch one day. Love their huevo rancheros (haven’t found a place in St. Louis yet with really good huevo rancheros, but I’ll keep looking and let you know.), and the banana bread I got was maybe the best banana bread I’ve ever had. And I also got a breakfast burrito, which was sooooooo good (except that maybe the tomatoes were a little big). And got to sit outside.
• Handlebar. Went with Geoff, RJ, Summer, and Brian. Had ½ of the buffalo chicken wrap (which was tasty and satisfying), ½ of the green meanie (which is always good), the mac ‘n’ cheese (which I can’t say enough about), and the nachos (which aren’t just the best vegetarian nachos in the world, but maybe the best nachos in the world, period). Finished it up with a trip to Matchbox, where I ended up with the worst margarita of my life. Maybe it just tasted bad because of what my stomach went through last time I had a (5) margarita there. Geoff and I convinced Tim to try one, which he was hesitant to do (let’s just say that Christian from Project Runway making out with a chick looks less awkward than Tim drinking a margarita out of a martini glass). But once he had a sip, he was hooked. And he wasn’t the least bit ashamed. I think he had like eight of ‘em.
• Sola. Went with my wife and Matt and Allison. I love Sola. Amazing. Had the lamb chops. Good god. Had the fries. Good lord. I was fighting off a food erection the entire time.
• Hopleaf. Debbie took me. I’d never been before, but it came highly recommended by a lot of people. It had an extensive beer menu, which is good. I like beer, and I like having hundreds of choices even though there are only a couple I’d really consider. Honestly, there’s got to be certain beers on there that never get ordered, and the one guy who decides, “that sounds interesting, I’ll try that” ends up with a beer that’s about four years old. Either way it looks cool with all the bottles on the wall. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t love Hopleaf. Liked it, but didn’t love. Atmosphere is great. Drink choices are great. But the food is just OK. Lots of interesting stuff to choose from, but everything I had was “fine”. Not “good”, not “great”, but “fine”. The brisket was fine. The mac and cheese was fine (if that). The onion rings (straws, actually) were fine. The dessert was fine. Would I go back? Sure. But it wouldn’t be on the top of my list.
• Fonda Del Mar. Last stop on the whirlwind tour. Went with a group of people, including my wife, Amy and Paul, Mo and Dima, Denny (Megan was sick), and Dave. One of my favorite places in Chicago. Great seafood. Great flavors. Great patio (if it’s open, which it wasn’t this night). Rotating menu with some consistent staples. Had the ceviche, which was delicious. Mo was actually talking slick about ceviche when I ordered it, then she had a taste of mine and ordered one for herself. For dinner I went with the Tilapia. One of the solid staples. If you’re not into seafood the pork is really good. And spicy. If I ever went on Check, Please! this is the place I wanted to review. Out of the way. Doesn’t look like much. But delivers the goods.


BORN TO FORK TOP 10

So, now that I’m leaving I feel like I need to give a top 10 of my favorite places in the city. I was going to get real ambitious and do several categories of top 10 lists, but I think I’ll keep it simple. Here are my 10 favorite places to eat in Chicago, in order.

Honorable Mention (in no particular order):
• Flo. Love their breakfast, their atmosphere, their everything. It may have taken us more than 2 years before we finally checked it out, but when we did we fell in love. Hard. A great neighborhood place worth going out of your way for. I didn’t eat here nearly enough.
• America’s Dog. Not the best Chicago-style dog in the city, and it isn’t a dive, but it is unique. And I like experiencing a variety of hot dog styles. And they have great cheese fries.
• May St. Café. Upscale Mexican/Latin cuisine is probably my favorite food category. And this place was always great.
• Lula Café. Great seasonal menu, great brunch, great atmosphere. Waits are long, which would be my only complaint. But, worth the wait.
• 11 City Diner. Loved the atmosphere here, the huge portion sizes, and the South Loop location.
• Salerno’s in Berwyn. This was our “Friday night pizza” staple growing up, and it’s still one of my favorite places to this day.
• Greek Corner. This was our corner spot when we lived on Damen. We’d eat there about once a week. My wife always got one of the pizzas, and I would usually get the chicken plate or gyro plate. Just a solid option. And good memories eating it on our roof deck.


THE TOP 10

10. Fonde Del Mar. Just talked about it, but it was upscale Mexican/Latin food, and different than anything else in the city. Never had a bad meal here. And I sent or brought a lot of people here and never heard anyone say a bad word. Except about the desserts, which are terrible.

9. Riverside Café. Tucked away in Bucktown, one of the coziest places in the city. The inside feels like you’re eating at Grandma’s house for Sunday brunch after church, and the outside feels like you’re sitting in a tree-covered field next to a river. And the food is great. On Sunday’s they have a breakfast/brunch buffet that is amazing. The variety is almost stupid. On one Sunday I was there they had four different style of scrambled eggs, two different style of eggs benedict, two different kinds of pancakes, then more sides than I can even mention. Potatoes, fruit, cereal, Braunsweiger and cream cheese sandwiches, tamales, quesadillas, the list goes on and on and on and on and on. And they have Ding Dongs for dessert. And even if you don’t go for the buffet on Sunday’s the menu is great the rest of the week. Amy said she liked their blueberry pancakes more than any other pancakes in the city. And I have to thank Steve and Dima for turning me onto this place.

8. Café 28. This has been one of my favorites for as long as I’ve lived in Chicago. The pork chops and jalapeno butter still bring it after all these years.

7. West Town Tavern. Cozy, friendly, and great food. Honestly, I’ve never had friendlier service in my life. Even when you call, they are friendly. If they don’t have any reservations available they apologize (and mean it) and try to find a time for you to come in and enjoy the great, great food. Had the best skate in my life here. Another place I didn’t eat at nearly enough. I actually sent my new boss’s son here a couple weekends ago with his girl (they were on vacation from New York), and when he talked to his dad he said it was so good that they almost went there again the next night. That’s a pretty good endorsement.

6. Coast. I used to hate sushi. Now I love it. And this is my favorite sushi spot. From the BYOB feature, to the white dragon (maybe the greatest sushi roll in the world?), to the Po Boy, to the specials, to the uber-cool, yet unpretentious atmosphere, I love it here. I took a friend who was in from out of town and said that he hasn’t enjoyed sushi since eating here. It ruined every other place for him.

5. Piece. I know it’s not Chicago-style. But it’s f-ing good. One of the only thin-crust pizzas I’ve ever loved. The pepperoni with banana peppers is hard to beat, the salads are great, and the spinach and artichoke dip is amazing. And if that all wasn’t enough, they have great beer. And are located in Wicker Park, which was even better before it became Lincoln Park West.

4. Tango Sur. Great steak. And affordable. And it’s great. And it’s BYOB. And the empanadas are amazing. And the waits are long but you don’t even mind (in the summer) because you stand on the sidewalk and drink. And the atmosphere is romantic. And if you’re date is ugly it’s perfect, because it’s so dark you probably won’t even see her. And the location is great (just steps away from Dairy Queen). I’ve said it before, but Tango Sur is like “woah”.

3. Sola. One of my new favorites. I can’t stop sending people here, and they can’t stop raving about it. Whether you’re on a date, out with friends, having dinner with your folks, or sending friends, it’s the perfect spot. Something for everyone.

2. Bacino’s. It’s Chicago-style stuffed pizza. And it’s my favorite Chicago-style joint in the city. Of course it was making the list. This will be the place that I go back to every time I visit Chicago the rest of my life. Except Geoff can’t come unless he also brings an extra roll of toilet paper.

1. Bongo Room. It was tough trying to figure out whom to put on number 1, but breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, and dessert is my favorite part of any meal. This place combines the two, so it’s pretty much heaven for me. The Leaning Tower of Chocolate French Toast is one of my favorite things to eat in the entire world.


Before you say anything, let me just say that I’m also amazed there isn’t a hot dog place in the top ten. But like I said, I love them all for different reasons, so I couldn’t pick one to be in the top 10.

And there you have it. I love Chicago. I’m gonna miss it. And you’re going to miss me (whether you’re man enough to admit it or not).

Chicago obviously gets the coveted HJ rating. Thank god you can’t watch me write this, because I may or may not be crying right now.

Now starts the St. Louis chapter of Born To Fork. You’re gonna get your fill of Outback Steakhouse and Chili’s reviews. Hope you’re hungry.