Kuma's Corner

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars



Restaurant: Kuma’s Corner
Location: 2900 W. Belmont


A while back (December actually, but don’t worry, I took notes, so this is fairly accurate, even months later) we (Geoff, Tim, Brian, Pete, and I) were looking for a place to eat. We wanted something simple and bar-food focused. The weather was terrible so we didn’t really want to travel that far, but we also wanted to try someplace new where no one had been. After a little research on something called the Worldwide Web, we (and by “we” I mean “Geoff”) decided on Kuma’s Corner because they supposedly had the best burgers in the city.

In fact, if you check out their website (kumas-corner.com), it says “Best Burgers in Chicago”. My question is, says who? And how many places in Chicago claim to have the “best” of something? I was driving down Chicago Ave and saw that Tommy’s Guitar and Café (I still need to check this place out) claimed to have the best sandwiches in Chicago. Again, according to whom? Maybe I should have a header on this site that says, “Best Food Blog in Chicago.” Who could argue? It reminded me of the time that Howard Stern deemed himself the “King of All Media” because he was pissed off that Michael Jackson (who is one of my all-time favs, but has embarrassed himself with the five new remixes on his 25th anniversary Thriller album) deemed himself the King of Pop. So it’s decided, Born to Fork is now the “Best Food Blog in Chicago” and The Big Delicious is the “The Sexiest Blogger in Chicago.” And I also need to figure out a way to go to every place that claims to have the “best” of something in Chicago. But I don’t think there are enough days in the year for that to be possible.

So, like I said, we ended up at Kuma’s Corner because it claimed to have the “Best Burgers in Chicago.” Here is what Kuma’s had going for it before I walked in the door: 1. It was located close to my house. 2. They spelled “Corner” with a “C”, when most places would have spelled it with a “K” to match the “K” in “Kuma's”, which would have caused me to immediately hate the place. 3. Parking was really easy.

Let’s start off with the drinks, since that’s what the servers start off with. Just a great beer menu. Tons of choices. In fact it was overwhelming. So I went with water to start off with. Then chased it later with some water. Crazy times, I know. But everyone else went with beer (or should I say “beers”) and they were all very happy. Plus they have a good martini menu, along with plenty of beer to choose from. And they also have beer. Trust me, if you like beer, then you like beer.

While trying to decide on appetizers I noticed that they offered salads on the menu. Why? What’s the point? Everything on the menu is awful for you, except for the salads. Do they feel like they need to have it there so they appear more diverse and healthy? And what happens if someone orders a salad? Do you think the cooks just stare at each other hoping someone knows how to make a salad? I just don’t get it. Seems like a waste of ink.

But beyond that they have some great apps to choose from. A lot of your standards (chili, chicken tenders, calamari), along with some more interesting selections. Like the BBQ Pork Fries. They’re fries covered in jack cheese and BBQ pulled pork. Of course I ordered it, just out of curiosity, but ended up loving it. Just the perfect balance of fried stuff and salty stuff and cheesy stuff and stuff that makes you feel like you’re eating something healthy when there’s nothing healthy about it. I would highly recommend it, except…

…They have a Make Your Own Mac & Cheese. You don’t get to choose what kind of cheese they use, just the added ingredients that go into it. Geoff and Tim went with Andouille and sweet corn. Just a great combo. The right balance of salt and sweet. I never would have thought to go with the sweet corn, but it really put the whole thing over the top, making it an absolutely must get the next time I (maybe) go. Brian and Pete went with more of an expected choice (maybe just scallions or something), and it wasn’t quite as good, but still delicious. The servings were also HUGE, so we really didn’t need two orders of it. One order would have been more than enough for five guys (assuming we were being polite and not trying to make our stomachs explode), so two was (almost) too much (which makes sense since it’s $10). Good thing Tim and I were there. We believe in the “No Macaroni Left Behind” policy.

Now, deciding on a burger was going to be a much harder decision. First, you had to decide on what type of meat you wanted your burger to be made of (1/2 lb burger patty, chicken breast, garden burger, or chicken tenders). Obviously this is an easy choice – burger patty. But you don’t get a choice in the bun it’s served on, as everything comes on a pretzel roll. This turned out to be a good thing. The pretzel roll was amazing. Maybe even the best part of the burger. But what toppings for the burger? That would be the tough choice.

Each burger is named after a heavy metal band (Slayer, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, etc…), all with their own unique combo of toppings (the Melvins had fresh basil, prosciutto, mozzarella, tomato, and onion; the Led Zeppelin had pulled pork, bacon, cheddar, and pickles; the Dark Throne had chipotle peppers, goat cheese, and fresh pico de gallo). Now, let me say this (with all due respect to Christian from Project Runway), I’m so over the “we have really unique toppings on our burgers” thing. Especially from a place claiming to have the best burger in town. I think there should be a rule – to have the “best” of something, there can’t be a gimmick to go along with it. So to have the best burger, the burger has to be patty, cheese, condiments, maybe some onions and tomato and pickles, and bread. And that’s it. That way you’re judged almost entirely on the patty (the most important part of any burger) and the bun (the second most important part). So I was a little skeptical about the burgers to begin with.

Now, I was a couple minutes late, so everyone else had time to check out the menu before I got there. They had a bet on what burger I would order. As I made my way down the menu, I came to the Goblin Cock. Now, you had me at “cock”. But it didn’t stop there. This burger was topped with bacon, then all the fixings of a Chicago-style hot dog (Vienna hot dog, tomatoes, onion, neon green relish, sport peppers, pickles, mustard, and celery salt). How could I not order this thing? As far as I was concerned it was the only thing on the menu (Geoff won the bet).

It kills me to say this, but I didn’t love it. Let me break it down section by section. First, the bun. Perfect. Wouldn’t change a thing. Second, the bacon. Not good. Way too tough. You actually couldn’t bite through it. You had to tear your way through it. The burger had so much stuff it was already hard to eat, so adding a level of difficulty with tough bacon (that tasted an hour old) was a bad idea. Third, the Chicago-dog part. I loved everything but the hot dog. I know, sounds weird. But the dog was grilled (not boiled or steamed), which does a disservice to the hot dog. It also ended up being a little tough. Fourth, the burger. Really good patty of meat. Cooked perfectly. Nice and juicy. No complaints. Overall, the burger just had too much going on. It was really salty, and so many flavors that I couldn’t enjoy any of them. This was my fear going in (and not just with this burger, but with all of the burgers). Too much shtick. Almost like they were more worried about creating something unique vs. something that is just kick-ass. It was impossible for me not to order the Goblin Cock, but I really wish I would have gone with my instinct and gotten the “Famous Kuma Burger” which is just bacon, cheddar and fried egg. I think that would have given me a better assessment of how good the burger really was. Next time (and there will be a next time).

So, best burger in Chicago? No way. Good burger and worth checking out? Yes way.


Fist bump with a manly ass slap.




Got a question? Send it to josh@borntofork.com.