Meritage

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars



Restaurant: Meritage
Location: 2118 N. Damen


Five-year anniversaries are special. So special, in fact, that my wife and I celebrated ours twice. The first time was on the weekend of our anniversary, and we went to Sola. The second was a couple weekends ago and we headed to Meritage. Sure it was a couple months after the fact, but my folks promised us dinner and a night of babysitting as a gift. And as a new father, you never, ever, ever turn down an offer of free babysitting. Or free dinner.

I’m not sure how we decided on Meritage. I think it was just one of those places that we had always wanted to go to but never had. And when we were looking for a place to go for dinner it came up and sounded like the right time to check it out.

My first complaint was the reservation process. I called and booked a 7 o’clock reservation for a Saturday night. No big deal, right? But then Saturday afternoon they call and leave me a message, asking me to call them back. I do. They just wanted me to confirm the reservation. So it was like I had to make two reservations to eat at one place. Should this bother me? Probably not. But it did. And here’s why: when we showed up the place was deader than Robert Goulet (speaking of, my friend Kasey dressed up as Goulet for Halloween (technically for the Saturday before Halloween), and RG passed away a couple days later. He felt so bad he refused to dress up as him again on Halloween. I was disappointed, because the outfit was fantastic. RIP Robert.). Don’t make me make reservations at a place then call you back the day of the reservation to confirm the reservation only to have me show up to a nearly empty restaurant that makes me feel like I didn’t need a reservation in the first place.

And when we were seated we didn’t get to sit in the front room (which at least had a couple tables filled so there was some buzz to the place). We got walked to the back room (which you have to walk through the kitchen to get to, which I actually kind of like because it makes me feel like I’m some sort of big shot like the guys in Swingers), which had only one other couple sitting in it. Then we got placed at the table in the far corner. My wife was not happy. At least we had a window view. Of course the view was of the side street and the alley, but it was better than nothing. The room was really dark. You might even call it romantic. The noise level was actually kind of nice. They had music playing, but it was just loud enough to set a nice mood without being too loud so you had to shout over it. Of course that changed about 15 minutes into our meal when a four-top was seated right behind us. They were incredibly loud. Just the classic over-the-top, louder-than-needed, everybody-look-at-me type of people. They were yelling. Then yelling over each other so they could be heard, trying to one-up each other. On more than one occasion I had to ask Amy to repeat herself so I could hear what she was saying. Not exactly the most romantic dinner ever. And as the place filled up a bit as the night went on, it just became louder and louder. Terrible acoustics. Kind of reminded me of May Street Market in that regard. Except the diners at Meritage were much more annoying.

For starters we went with a cheese plate and the crab cake. I have no idea what the cheeses were, since my wife ordered them. All I know is that one was from a cow, one from a sheep, and one from a goat. And they were all really good. None of them smelled like feet, which was a huge plus. And the crab cake was the real deal. It was served on a fried green tomato. The cake was huge. More than enough for the two of us (which I didn’t think it would be). Just a smooth, rich, creamy flavor to it. Amy and I almost had a fork war over the thing. It was her favorite part of the meal, and I would order it again (not that I’m ever going back).

Next we both ordered the soup. It was an apple bisque and it sounded really interesting. Plus there was bacon in it, so I was pretty sure wild horses couldn’t tear me away from it. Or wild whores. And it tasted even better than it sounded. It wasn’t as sweet as I thought it was going to be, which is good. Of course it was a lot smaller than I thought it was going to be, which is bad. But it really had a nice balance of flavor going on, and the apple slices and bacon pieces were a nice touch. Six spoonfuls later I was done. And not by choice. I really wanted more. I was tilting the bowl and scraping every last drop with my spoon (which made Amy less than happy). Luckily the place was as well lit as a Buffalo Bill’s basement, so nobody noticed me being a total hoosier.

They had a special that night of skate, which I really like and almost never get to have because most places don’t carry it (and I think they might be endangered or something, so it’s probably another good reason to avoid them. At least that’s what Wikipedia tells me.). But the short ribs were really calling out to me that night, so I went with them instead. And they were a great choice. The meat just fell off the bone. They were so tender and juicy. And they were served on mashed potatoes (though I’m 99.9% sure they had a fancier name than that, but believe me, they were mashed potatoes). I really enjoyed the dish. The sauce that covered everything kind of tasted like a cross between gravy and blood from a medium-rare steak. I know that may not sound delicious to a lot of people, but it was right up my alley. The dish also came with some sort of green and white vegetable. It was awesome. Or not. I have no idea because I refused to eat it. My wife had a bite of it and didn’t die, for whatever that’s worth.

Why was she eating my food, you ask? Well, she ordered the pork trio. She was torn between that and the halibut and the waitress (who was really nice and a great server) urged her to go with the pork. When it came out you could see my wife’s eyes bulge. But not the good kind of bulge (like when I take my clothes off). For some reason we didn’t really think about what the “trio” meant, but we both assumed it meant three slices of pork tenderloin or something. Wrong. It actually came with three different types of pork. One was the tenderloin (which was good), another was a bacon steak (which my wife couldn’t eat, meaning I got to eat it, meaning I got a little chubby (even though it wasn’t the best bacon steak I’d ever had, but again it was bacon)), and the last was a pork sausage (which I’m 95% sure was a blood sausage, but again, we were sitting in the same place they filmed 30 Days of Night, so I couldn’t be sure. But either way my wife could barely look at it so I got to enjoy most of it (which was only a couple bites because I didn’t love it)). Needless to say the server gave my wife bad advice. And not because the pork trio is bad, it was just the wrong choice for my wife. I was just a little surprised that when someone is asking for advice between the halibut (a “light” dish) and the pork trio (clearly a “defibrillator” dish), you’d think the server would at least point out that the pork dish was a lot heavier than the fish dish, and maybe even mention what the trio consisted of. Again, not entirely the server’s fault, but the bad reco could have (and should have) been avoided.

Since my folks were buying we both decided to get dessert. She went with some fruity crumble thing (which she says was good) and I went with the caramelized bananas. They were pretty good. Nothing great or amazing, but I was happy with the order. Especially the size of it. It was HUGE, and Amy and I should have shared it. It came with bananas (in case you didn’t figure that out on your own) and ice cream, and was served in a puff pastry, which just helped add to the size.

To finish the night off we both got a cappuccino. Delicious.

And then the check came. Let’s just say that Mom and Dad weren’t paying for all of dinner after all. The grand total was $160 and change. Sure, we had a bottle of wine, but it was a cheap bottle ($40 and still over-priced for what it was). Looking back everything was a little over-priced for what they were. The crab cake ($12), the soup ($9), the entrees ($23 and $27), and the dessert ($7 each). After tip we shelled out $195. Good god. It was not worth that much. Not even close.

I did like the food, but at that price it isn’t worth it. I thought Sola had a similar style of food, but was much better, much more affordable, and also the food was much better. Plus the food was better.

The only thing Meritage really has going for it is the patio, which wasn’t open because of the cold weather.

It’s tough to figure out what kind of rating to give this place, because the food was good (especially the crab cake and soup), but not worth the money, and I wouldn’t go back because there are better options available at a much better price (Sola and West Town Tavern come to mind).

I think I’m gonna have to go with a high five and a manly ass slap.


Got a question? Send it to josh@borntofork.com.