Pi

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Manly ass slap – ½ star
Fone and fone – 0 stars



Restaurant: Pi
Location: 6144 Delmar


Do you love your taste buds but hate your stomach, intestines, and colon? Well then have I’ve got just the thing for you! It’s the Pi Lunch Time Challenge! That’s right! Pi is now open for lunch! When you’re done, you’ll barely be able to stumble back to your car to take a nap in the back seat. But don’t take my word for it! Listen to what these people had to say:

“That’s disgusting. And amazing. I want to vomit just watching you do that.”

“Did you really just eat all that by yourself? I’m speechless. And incredibly turned on.”

“I tried the Pi Lunch Time Challenge, and my back’s been sore for a week! I can’t wait to do it again!”

This amazing feeling is just a short walk or car ride away. Simply head to Pi, located at 6144 Delmar, anytime during your lunch hour. When you get there, order up a pint of their daily draft special to whet your appetite, and wet your palate, while you look over the menu. Then order a large thick crust pizza of your choice, and another pint when the pizza comes. Once you have the meal in front of you, simply try to eat it all during one sitting. It’s just that easy!

But what’s in it for me, you ask? A stomach that’s so expanded your lower back will hurt! And a colon that will be backed up for multiple days! And if that wasn’t enough, you’ll also enjoy a crisp $20 bill from Jeff! Plus you’ll also receive the satisfaction of accomplishing something that The Big Delicious couldn’t. That’s right! I couldn’t do it! After finishing off almost the entire thing to the delight and amazement of my co-workers and waitress, I was only able to get halfway through the last piece. A half-piece short!

But wait, there’s more! If you are one of the lucky ones who can accomplish the challenge without needing to be resuscitated, you’ll receive this amazing gift from Pi – ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Your heard me right! No t-shirt! No picture on the wall of fame! Not even a visit from the manager! If you’re lucky your waitress will say something uninspiring like, “That’s impressive.”

And you can have it all; the pizza, the two beers, the back pain, the backed up backside, the dizziness, and the satisfaction of being disgustingly overweight, all for the low, low price of over $20! It’s almost too good to be true!

But Big D, what’s the catch? There is (almost) no catch! Other than the fact that the deep dish is really a Chicago-style pizza. And the fact that it’s an OK, but not great, Chicago-style pizza. And the fact that the crust is a little too crunchy, it’s not cheesy enough, and there are not quite enough toppings. Other than all that, there is no catch!

So what are you waiting for? Get on down to Pi and show your body just how much you hate it! Waiters are standing by.



Sorry about all the exclamation points. Just be happy I didn’t do that whole thing in ALL CAPS!

In conclusion, Pi was decent. Again, they have Chicago-style pizza, which for me is great. And it’s near work, which is even better. But the Chicago-style pizza is very average. It’s a valiant attempt, but it would get lost in the crowd in Chicago. Everyone else I was with got the thin crust, and they all said it was great. The only real complaints I heard was that it was a little pricey, which I agree with. I understand the deep dish being a little more expensive, but the thin crust was almost the same price, and a large really can only feed two people, so you’re paying $10-plus a person for a pizza. A place like Dewey’s offers better value. But, Pi has a lot of things going for it. It has outdoor seating, which is great. The beer specials are $2 a draft (or $1 for the PBR that day), which is really reasonable. And all the servers wear shirts that say “No Provel”, which is nice, since Provel on a pizza is a joke.

While making myself sick for an attempt at $20 (along with the adoration of my friends) was fun, I still can’t give this place more than a fist bump, even though I want to.

That being said, I’ll be back, I’m sure.



Got a question? Send it to josh@borntofork.com.