Lalo's

Ratings Guide:
Half handshake, half chest-bump hug – 5 stars
Chest bump – 4 stars
Fist bump – 3 stars
High five – 2 stars
Handshake – 1 star
Fone and fone – 0 stars
Manly ass slap – ½ star



Restaurant: Lalo’s
Locations: A dozen or so across the city and ‘burbs


I’m going to warn you right now. I like Lalo’s. I’m sure most people view it the same way they do Leona’s, as a local chain that isn’t nearly as good as the thousands of other restaurants in the city. In fact, most people probably look at these places as Chicago versions of Chili’s, Ruby Tuesday’s, TGI Fridays, and the other horrible chains that pop-up in mini-malls and the Naperville’s of the world. And to tell you the truth, I’m one of those people. Hell, I live less than a block from Leona’s and I still refuse to eat there, no matter how hungry or desperate I am.

But the thing about Lalo’s is that it has sentimental value. My parents live less than a mile from the Lalo’s in Oak Park, and they go there about every Friday night. Which means that anytime I used to come visit them when I was living in Misery we would go there. Or anytime I head out to the ‘burbs to visit we go there. Or for any “nice” dinner in high school we went there. It got to the point that my folks were recruited as “secret diners” and visited other Lalo’s in the city and reported on their experience (needless to say I was jealous). When I eat there it reminds me of my parents, so it’s got a special place in my heart.

And it’s not like Lalo’s started out as some big chain dreamt up by a restaurateur with a great marketing plan. Unlike Paris Hilton, Lalo’s has had to work hard to get where they are. They started out more than 30 years ago cooking family recipes in a 24-seat place and quickly expanded to a full-size restaurant (and became so popular they opened up another full-size restaurant just blocks away). And you know what, they’re still family owned and not franchised. Who knows, maybe Leona’s has a similar story (it does, I just checked), but it doesn’t change the fact that their food isn’t good.

When I do go to Lalo’s I almost always get the same things. I like starting out with the Queso Fundido, which is melted melting cheese (thank god, cause there is nothing worse than unmelted melting cheese), or melted Mexican cheese, depending which menu you get (I also just learned that different restaurants have slightly different menus. I like that. I don’t know why, I just do.). Either way I’m eating cheese, so it makes me happy.

For dinner I always go with either the Carne Asada a la Tampiquena or the Carne Asada Zamora. The first one is just a big steak and served with a cheese enchilada. Pretty good size, comes with more cheese, and it’s usually cooked perfectly. I like to cut up the steak, stuff it in a flour tortilla, top it with some cheese, and maybe add some salsa. I know what you’re thinking. Why don’t you just order the fajitas then? Well, fajitas come with vegetables. Why waste the space on my plate with veggies when you can fill it with meat. Makes perfect sense to me. The Carne Asada Zamora is a skirt steak topped with a “frijoles de la olla in arbol sauce”. I have no idea what that means but it tastes good. Plus you get two quesadillas and guacamole. And you also get full.

For lunch I usually get the Chimichanga. It’s just a big burrito that’s fried. Could be the best food invention ever. And the Lalo’s version is STUFFED with meat. Super filling and satisfying, and induces an after lunch coma, forcing you to find an empty cube in the office to take a 15 minute nap in. And an empty stall to take a 15-minute dump in.

And with every meal you get a little cup of chicken noodle soup. Now, I don’t know if this is a Mexican tradition, but it should be. Granted, I might prefer a chicken tortilla soup, but I’ll take the chicken noodle. Mostly cause it has HUGE chunks of chicken.

The real hero of the place might be the margaritas. They pour them strong and in giant glasses. Seriously, a small is almost enough to get you drunk. A large is almost enough to get you laid (if your date doesn’t pass out first).

Two other memories come to mind when you bring up Lalo’s. The first is the artwork on the wall. At the Oak Park location (and I think the LaSalle St. location), they have a couple of paintings hanging up. One of them is of a Mexican warrior carrying a woman. You can see her boob. Needless to say this came in handy when I was in high school. And College. And now. Any place with free porn is going to get a thumbs-up from me. PLUS, every now and then they have live music. And when I say live music I mean a guy on a Casio with the worst voice ever. If Simon Cowell ate here I think he might throw his chicken noodle soup at the guy. Randy Jackson would just be happy the guy was “doing his thing”, then look to eat all the food off of Paula’s plate. And Seacrest would be ecstatic that there was someone in the place he was taller than.

Fist bump with a manly ass slap.


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